Someone to Take Care of Me

Me and my fiance talk a lot. I need him to listen to me, and he does. He comforts me and supports me, and I do the same for him.

Still, sometimes I feel alone. Sometimes I see him as a boy, - innocent, without all the emotional garbage I carry around from past traumas. And because of that I feel he can't always relate to what I'm saying, he doesn't understand.

He's a man, he's "simpler" than me, rational and often stuck in the mind. I'm an emotional mess. I'm working on giving up all this emotional baggage, but it takes time. And it's especially hard since I just moved to a new country to be with him and I have no friends here.

I want to cry out to him, - Help me! But I don't know what I want him to do. I know what he'll say, and I know he's right. - I should talk to people, find something to do, find security in myself. I want to do that, but it's hard. More often than not I want to rage and cry just because I WANT TO. I don't want to be rational. Why can't it be ok to despair?

I feel so sad. I don't understand why. I feel so lost. I want help. I don't want advice. I want someone to take care of me and tell me it's ok to feel the way I do. I don't want to be a rational "good girl" anymore.

 

Windance Windance
22-25, F
7 Responses Aug 9, 2007

Wow, that was really honest! Good job! I would suggest going into more detail and figuring out precisely what your baggage is to begin with. It helps to get as close to the root as possible when uprooting.

Your feelings are valid, and I think very normal for someone who is engaged. To be in a good relationship with someone takes a life time. You will learn how to keep your emotions in control, and he will learn how to react to them. Your life will be filled with the joy you seek if you just dont jump to conclusions and express your conserns and joys and give your all to your relationship.

talk to him you maybe surprized he may understand and give you the un question lover you need

hey dear i don't wanna give you a dicey picture of life u just get in touch with me then will talk about it

Windance (beautiful name!)<br />
<br />
Thank you for sharing your personal struggle. I can really relate. <br />
I encourage you to go to psychotherapist or licensed counselor to get evaluated for the possibilty of depression. Causes of Depression can be situational (emotional) , mineral defiencies, or chemical imbalance. Could be a combination. Being in the state of depression, it's like being in the middle of the forest trying to discern which "tree" is responsible for your confusion. Getting your brain chemistry in balance will make everything clearer. The kind of depression I've had is the chemical imbalance, which I highly suspect is a mineral deficency at it's root.<br />
I take an antidepressant, because I can afford that more than I can afford the supplements right now. When I first started taking them, it was like night and day. No question, it was an imbalance, and once that drug enabled my brain to produce more serotonin, I can't tell you how much better I felt. I truly feel it saved my life. I don't see how I couldv'e survived the pain of that malady.<br />
It was like being an empty tomb, a tank that had no gas in it, and it couldn't go anywhere, no matter how much I wanted it to. I am an optimistic, good natured and good humored person...that's who I am reeeallly am. There is no shame in experiencing the results of depression. But there would be a terrific regret and tragedy if you would not find the solution that is for 'you'. Before depression hit my life, I discovered the love of Jesus Christ which changed my whole life. He loves me more than anyone on this planet and gives me more than anything this world has to offer. My needs are therefore met by Him. Needs that a husband, boyfriends or family are not able to meet. He is the biggest reason I'm still here. ;)<br />
It is my heart prayer for you, that you will find relief and deliverance from the sadness. The Lord bless you and keep you.

truly most of that will not help you, They simply distract (O.K. I can Hardly spell I'm working on it) the mind from the real problem and than when you are alone it comes back to get you. I my self took over 20 years to find my answer, and would love to tell you that I can give it to you but I can't me answer will not be what you need each of use most find our own answer. And you will never find it if you keep distracting your self from what the real problem is. and I can tell You what that is if you really want to know??

HeySweetie, it is o.k. to feel like you are. I feel the same way at times, and when I get really angry, and mad and just want to cry, I will grab a pillow, beat it, and then cry into the pillow, after a little time, I feel better. If you want to talk, let me know. I will be here for you. You rant and rave, and cuss, if you want or need to, or tell me something funny. Whatever is going on in your life you can talk to me about. I would love to have another friend. Remember I am here if you need me. Swatches

I like this post because it's so sweet and compassionate and helpful. I wish more people, especially men, were like this to each other.