Wind Power Is Ruining My Marriage.

My husband has a field job with a wind-power company.  He is gone six-weeks at a time, and back for a few days in between.  At first, it was okay. We talked on the phone, and we were very tender with eachother when he came home.  It's SO lonely, and SO hard. I have to take care of the home-front by myself, and am tied to my home. I have no life.

Now when he comes home, all he does is fuss about stupid things and criticize everything I do. He doesn't cherish me like he used to; is aloof and distant, and even kind of mean. On the phone, there's no friendly conversation any more; there's only angry banter about how he hates his job, and how he feels screwed and everything negative he can find. He hardly smiles or laughs anymore; at least around or with me.  He spends hours on networking websites but hardly ever emails or calls me. He blows me off a lot.  It hurts most because he has always been my very best friend. 

He's home now, and I feel more lonely now than I do when he's gone.  I'm okay for sex and for affection, but he gives nothing back.  I feel like I'm living with a stranger.

HerOdyssey HerOdyssey
36-40, F
2 Responses Feb 25, 2009

I do keep busy on the most part. He gets snotty about the fact that I dedicate any time for 'selfish' purposes too. I certainly don't sit aroudn twiddling my thumbs waiting for him to call. If I didn't do stuff, I'd get depressed. I have a full time job already which is also demanding and I'm not crazy about either.<br />
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What does a woman get out of a marriage if she's always bearing the burden of pleasing the man, and he's offering zero in return--full of expectations of how *she* should perform and being unwilling to even just be nice to her sometimes? What's the point?

You need to create your own life. Get some friends, get a job, get a hobby. GET BUSY!! You are going to have to be your own support system. You can find a support system here, but you also need human contact. <br />
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Working on the wind turbines is a stressful job. not meaning to excuse his behavior, he probably just wants to veg out when he comes home. That's why you need to be busy when he comes home. Go out with your friends, have fun and include him if he wants to come along, but don't pressure him. <br />
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Also, tell him you appreciate him being a hard worker, putting up with a job he doesn't seem to like, and bringing home a good paycheck. Men need to feel appreciated. I know, you want to be appreciated for keeping the home fires burning too, but trust me, if you don't show him appreciation, someone else will. I know it isn't fair, but once you get your own strength from hobbies, work, friends, you will feel better about yourself. Even if he is unpleasant when he comes home, at least he's returning to you. I know plenty of those turbine guys who choose to stay in the field playing the field.