"Get over it." That's what everyone says. "Go on and live your life the way you want."

Where am I? How did I get here?

Today there is no happy ending. I am alone. I will be curled up in bed crying to myself. I will be reaching out hoping that by some miracle she will be there. But she won't be.

It's as if these memories I have all come crashing down... Playing over and over. She posted a video. She was standing in the exact same beach I was just yesterday.

I should've met up with her. I should've hugged her. I should've asked to hang out. I should've found a way to figure out where she was. I should've done all these things and yet I know I couldn't have.

I'm not a social person. How would I explain this meet up to my parents? How would I have been brave enough to talk to her?

How did my life get to this point?

We'll actually... I know exactly why. I chose this. I chose to live a life of sadness and loneliness. So that I could finally be happy when I found the one for me.

When will that day come? When will I prove myself? When will I cease to feel like a failure?

I feel as though the only way anyone really listens is if you mention suicide. But the truth is I don't want to die. I want to live very much. So why are my needs less important than any other person's?

I know you're reading this and thinking to yourself... "I hope you can be happy one day." And I hope so too. But hoping hasn't gotten me anywhere.

I'm not in control of my own life. There are some things I can't do. I'll admit I made some mistakes. But please... For the love of everything that I care about... Please end it.

I want this one to be the one. I want this time to be the time. I want this girl to be the girl.

And a part of me thinks it might not be.

My struggle is that no one will ever truly feel the pain I feel. What do I do? I'd do anything. I'd give anything... To be with her.

But life has never been that generous.
SomeGuy322 SomeGuy322
18-21, M
3 Responses Aug 16, 2014

"get over it" the most annoying thing anyone can say to me. This is why I keep my feelings to myself. I also think its why some others keep their feelings to themselves too.

Big boss????? It's me, you from the past... Snake...

lol

Whoa..it's remarkable how much I can relate...I know what should be done..but I just cant do it..can't...
But don't feel lonely...yeah you will I know and telling you not to feel lonely is stupidity..just know that everyone on ep (save a few) are your friends. We can talk if you ever need to.. :)

Hey bro I can't quite say I understand your situation but I would be happy to talk about it. I've been told to give great advice and honestly I would love to help you suicide or not... Every problem someone has deserves attention because you never know how drastically it affects their life. If u wanna talk feel free to message me