When I had my heart attack I was lying in the Emergency Assessment Room - a busy place connected to A&E.

Opposite me was an elderly couple, I'd guess probably late 70s to mid 80s. She was very very unwell, lying on a trolley, struggling to breathe and not very conscious.

He was very well turned out, with a full head of white hair, neatly trimmed white beard, and smartly pressed open necked shirt. He was holding her hand and he looked over at me for a bit and his eyes were the saddest thing I've seen in ages. We didn't speak, this was only a moment but in that glance I saw a whole lifetime of love and experience. His heart was breaking - they'd probably been together for close to 60 years - and he was just unutterably sad.

But that one glance made me so internally cold because I will never have that. My biggest fear as I lay on that trolley was not death - that's inevitable - but dying alone. I was seriously scared of that. I've got no legacy, nobody to remember me, nobody to smile at my memory. That was the scariest part about it and for all the pain those two were going through, they'd got a lifetime of love (even with the odd ups and downs I'm sure.)

That's kind of unbeatable, and I have to admit, without pride, that I was envious of those feelings.

I never saw them again. I hope they made it - but that was one of the most profound moments I've experienced recently and it made me determined to try and change my life at least in some way.
Riffster Riffster
51-55, M
1 Response Aug 19, 2014

well, it's not much, but look at the bright side - if things stay as they are, you will never feel the heartbreaking and sadness when your beloved dies... I believe, it is also not very good experience, but also I believe and I thing I'll also rather take that risk... just trying to find something positive on current situation as there are teo sides of each coin