No one knows of my secret plan to commit suicide once my Mom dies. I have never shared this in real life and I never will. I am incredibly lonely; it is a loneliness I have felt throughout my life. I do feel connected to others but there is a distance-an absence if you will with the connection. I don't have any family I can count on outside of my mother whom I can turn to. I work full time, I care for her and I have non outside support. I am tired, bored, hopeless, and unfulfilled in life. The only think that keeps me going is my Mom. I am a lost cause.
MSWGirl76 MSWGirl76
41-45, F
19 Responses Aug 22, 2014

I understand the loneliness, I've been there. Please don't end your life as a form of release, hold on for the next chapter.

If I where closer, I'd come by and hold your hand. Sometimes that can be the difference between a good or bad day.

Don't do it - life is beautiful. Being lonely can feel the worst thing ever, but you can structure a way out. You can - its possible. look at self help tools - like kaiamea.. there is a way forward to a future

Message me...

There is one man in this world you are going to make a widower even before he gets married to you. He is out there, give yourself that chance to find him. Your Mom is important, do realize that you are your own person and you do need to have your own life. In fact, once you see your mom through, you can rest assured that ou have done your duty as only a daughter can, the absolute best way you could. She will beproud of you, at the same time will want you to have your own life. So, my dear, please take the time to think this through. Jiks

Your mom wouldn't want that. Think of her


I have died twice in my life time, two helicopter rides I don't remember. Lets just say I have seen death in many ways. Past three years lost two uncles and now my last grandparent is having ups and downs, I hope she will be here for a few more years but I have my worry's. Went with my dad on Wednesday to the VA their is a good chance he has Pro state cancer. This will be his fourth time being tested for cancer. And he really ain't taking care of his diabetes he was diagnosed with a few months ago. I hope he has ten more years left, but I worry on when. So please look in the mirror and say you will make it when the time comes. Because I have a mom and dad but my dad takes great care of me. I too will be lost but you know what I can turn for my God's help. Even tho I hardly talk with Him I know He is their looking down on me. You kill your self all hell will break loose, and you will have a worse time dead then alive.

Please believe me there are plenty of people willing to chat with you and talk about anything you would like. Life can seem horrible and no positive future near by but it can and will be better just from opening up and talking such as you have done here. A great start, read some of the positive comments and through away the bad ones..Start to read positive things and always tell yourself every day that you are special and belong here.

I agree there are plenty of ppl who would love to talk to you

I feel the same way since I have no one to count one to stand by my side...I know how miserable your life becomes when the only one who supports you throughout your endless struggle, deserts you in need

No need to take your life talk to somebody look I say it as it is I have no family no visitors had areal crap past I still have night terrors I have nerve damage in my back and servers problems walking but I'm still going life isn't easy it's the way it is I do get down some times but most the time I am also nearly your age I'm 33 and I'm still here fighting my corner called life even though I have nothing take up hobbies get a partner go enjoy life I know losing someone isn't easy but you live on enjoy the memories you had with your mom live life to the max

I'm sorry to hear what you feeling. If you need someone to talk to I'm here. I promise, I will listen. I don't know you, but I am concerned about you.

I want to give you a big Jesus hug... I can't though. He can! Run to him.

You can always be a Big Sister to a Little girl who has family/life issues. Most Big Sister programs are run in capital cities.
Each day is NEW - each cell is new in your body. Then why bring into each day your past issues.
To show your mum her life meant something - is to get on with your own life.
You to you is your most important relationship you will ever have.
It is never to late to get into hobbies that are fun.
Dancing/walking/swimming/tennis..... also yoga/Ti qi drawing/art/bird watching.
The most useful creatures that have made my life better - is dogs, they are sure the best friend to have.
Get a pet - they just love life and a cuddle.
Quote for you:
You are a child of the universe no less than the tress and the stars you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you no doubt the Universe is unfolding as it should. Max Ehrmnn

I support you in relieving yourself from the pain. I understand 100%. I am terribly sad another person and many more feel this way. We are such a broken world on all levels; the worst is humanity. My heart goes out to you..xoxoxo

Thank you, I appreciate the support.


I never thought I would "meet" another person who thinks about the exact same thing I "used to" think I would do if my mom dies.

Hi there! :)

Hello. So you don't feel this way anymore?

Not anymore. It all thanks to God I got over it. He forgave me for even thinking to end the wonderful life He has given me. It was awesome!

I am not religious. Thanks for reaching out.

Well, I'm not trying to convert you. It's a choice you have to make. I know life can be ****** and all. But I decided that if life gives me a challenge, I'm gonna fight back AND win!

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Hey I'm a drifter on a massif scale I don't stay in one place for to long and I do get lonely but I'd never kill my self I mean I leave the past in the past you should to have no regrets and never turn back

I don't know what I would do if I lost my mother. She is my best friend. Can't even say that about my husband. My dad died in 2002. I hear you. But there must be something you enjoy, want to live for?

Why when your mom dies, that's a bad way to take death

Talk to me

About what?

About what you wrote up there. If you need any help just talk to me. Tks

Thank you but I'm ok. I am at peace with my plan.

You mean you really are going to proceed

Yes absolutely. I can't imagine living on when my Mom dies. I am well into my plan (will, cremation, making sure I don't acquire debt, etc.)

May you change your mind when the time comes.

Thank you but I won't.

So why are you on here if you have already made peace with your plan? It makes me wonder if deep down you want/need some sort of help...

I'm sure I do. I am in here because I am still alive....I have killed myself yet. Lol! I should at least try to make the time I'm forced to be here more bearable.

So why don't you travel and see the world. Make friendships along the way.. if you don't have anything tying you to one place?

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