So Conflicted

I frequently feel alone. I find it hard to make friends, so when I'm out and see others with friends, signifigant others, etc, it makes me feel more alone and jealous.


But then I think of what my life would be like if I would have people in it. Honestly, I don't do well around others. I'm quiet, shy and find it hard to make small talk and keep a conversation going. Don't get me wrong, I've had friends, but between lives going in different directions with some and betrayal from others, I'm left to myself. I think part is I'm afraid to make friends for fear that what has happened to me in the past. Add on top of that growing up with an emotionally distant mother. It doesn't help in the relationship department. Which leads to the failure of the only relationship I've ever had.


There are days I want to be alone and others that I'm jealous of people because they can make friends so easily.

DietIcedTea DietIcedTea
36-40, F
2 Responses Mar 4, 2009

I like that saying friendship is an illusion,,,so does that mean God,Goddess is an illusion to,,,I would have to say that you are disillused,,,maybe you wish it was not real,,,but then is any of this real???why is friendship an illusion??? how can this statement be true,,,thinking thinking,,,,hummm,,,,nope can not think of one thing that makes me think of that,,,All of us matter in this world,,,we each come in holding a speical place, in this big movie everyone of us has a staring role in being here we are all equal pla<x>yers,,, be happy to just be you,,,all my life I have tried to be normal,,or at least what my family thought was normal,,,my grandfather came to me three days after he was burid,,,and he looked so good he was shining so bright,,,but he was lying on my grandmothers chouch,,,He said to me mary just be yourselve,,,that made me so happy when he said that to me cause,my grandmother made me feel so bad about myself,,,anyway I know that vision was real because six months later I come to my grandmothers house,and I see these two really strange lamps,,,I freak cus when I had that vision I saw those same lamps,,,so be happy to be you,,,there is no one else on this earth like you,,,I would love to be your friend or not,,,I am here if you ever need an earLove light mary

Try to accept that not everbody is 'good' at making friends. Not everbody had to like you. Friensdships can end, or fade away. In Dutch there's a song:<br />
One day you'll come to the conclusion, friendship is a illusion.