Husband and I Are Roomates

It feels strange to share this story.  I am chosing to do so because I wonder if other people share this experience.   Here it goes.  I choose to marry my husband because it made sense in my head.  I love him like a best friend.  He is a wonderful man, great dad, tender, warm, and deeply caring person.  He's very attractive.  He's very involved around the house (even laundry).  

What's missing?  We have no intimacy.  No passion.  He didn't want to make love on our wedding night.  We have sex usually at my request.  Occasionally his.  It's routine.  It's not just the sex; it's emotional intimacy as a couple.  We just don't have it.

A year ago, I met someone and we had a short affair.  I discoverd so much about myself in that experience.  How I hold back my feelings.   How profoundly passionate I am.  How a marriage doesn't just need to make head sense it needs to make heart sense and sex sense (chemistry).   I dream about what it would be like to be in that kind of relationship.  Is it even possible?   Can one person be all of that? 

As parents and friends my husband and I are great.  I cherish that aspect of our life.  Our children are thriving.   As lovers we simply do not have what it takes. 

I wonder if other people are going through this and how they manage.  Anyone?

Badelia Badelia
36-40, F
4 Responses Mar 6, 2009

I am sorry about your situation. Have you had an honest discussion with him? It would probably take a load off your mind to get straight. Then talk solutions. Maybe he'd be ok with you having an outside relationship to take care of your needs. If not then ask what he's willing to do to change matters? I hope you don't have to let this slide for year after year. Divorce sucks and being lonely in a marriage sucks. I hope you find a way toward happiness.

I love my husband very much and we have been celebate for so many years now that I cannot even remember how many! LOL! We still have intimate moments and touches; even enjoy the closeness of friendship and caring! We dont actively have physical (you-know) but it is a health issue so none of that for us! I know he misses it as much as I; but love isnt all about that! If you dont have all the other then you dont really have love!

I am in my first month of separation from my wife. I wanted affection and love but haven't gotten it in years. We fought so much in recent years I didn't feel like I was even with a friend. I am looking for that one special person to spend the rest of my life and will just have tp put up with the lonelyness until then. You go and get the one special person. He's out there.

I have heard people that have relationships like this. I have never had a relationship like this - ever. I wish you the best luck - find someone who fulfills ALL your needs.