- But the Battle Has Not Yet Ended

Hi there. I'm a 23 year old male in England, and I'm crushingly lonely. It takes a lot for me to say these words, even anonymously, but I feel that it might help.

I've been battling with depression on and off for the last ten years. I never used to have a problem meeting people, and I had a handful of very good friends. The problem with this is that the way I met these people was normally through either drink or drugs. We used to party all day and night, as I didn't have a job. This was fine for a while, when I was happy being a slave to chemicals, but when I moved away from that city, I decided to leave my addictions behind. I stopped drinking nearly as much, stopped the drugs entirely, and stopped smoking. I thought that would make me a better person.. Now I just don't know.

That was eight months ago. These days, I live about four hours away from where I used to live, in an apartment. I work in a dead-end job in a support role for a company that deals with the railway industry, and have no contact with anyone. Since giving up my vices, no one has really made an attempt to contact me. I have tried to keep in contact with the people I care about, but no one seems to miss me. I've turned introverted, I can't talk to people now, every time someone at work tries to talk to me about business I stutter and stammer nervously. I used to be confident, but now I'm just.. a husk, really.

The town I live in is tiny, and I have no transportation. I have tried to meet people, with no success. I can't even find friends on-line, every site or forum I have joined has focused on dating, which is not what I am looking for.

Does anyone relate to this? Please reply, if you can.. It makes me smile to think people could actually acknowledge me.

neonbrokenhalo neonbrokenhalo
22-25, M
4 Responses Mar 16, 2009

This is so bizarre, yours was the first story I clicked on after joining the site and it's basically the same problem for me. I'm 20 and met most of my friends when I was a young teenager. I come from a small place and all there really ever was to do was either drink or smoke weed etc. Thats how our friendships developed, by our mutual self-destructive boredom. However all my destruction so young caused me to develop a medical condition which basically means I shouldnt drink or do drugs, especially not in the quantities I did when younger. Dont get me wrong, I'm not from a 'rough area' or whatever you want to call it, neither are the people I did this with, just the crushing boredom of our early teens steered us in this direction. But of course as these people have gotten older, they want to experiment more, and I physically cannot keep up. So yes, friendships are falling apart, the only time I see my 'best friend' is when we're going out. I, despite the medical reasons not to, continue to drink and occasionally smoke weed, but I seriously feel if I do not do this, these people wont interact with me. All if this is so awful and it's especially crushing that I cant just spend an evening watching a movie with friends. I'm from Ireland, and our societies are pretty much the same, so I can understand where you're coming from. I'm considering moving abroad because from the foreign people I've met, this is not the way friends are made everywhere! I hope things get better for you soon <br />
<br />
-sorry, very long comment!

I feel you. I've been battling with it too. I don't know how to stop the loneliness.

I'm here for you, Since you have read my story, I'd like to tell you one thing, Nightmare must be end soon, You 'd conquer it .. All you need is friend & understanding, Now, I'm strong enough for that ...<br />
You are not alone :)

Well, you'll be glad to know this site doesn't focus on dating. I am lonely too and also get depressed and I have found this site a great help, I have 'met' some lovely people here. I hope you do too, best of luck and feel free to send a message if you want a chat.