Surrounded By People, But Feeling All Alone

I am lonely for a friend. A close friend, a confidant that is not my lover. A good girlfriend, I guess. I am one of those people who has a lot of professional success, social friends, acquantences, but when it comes down to it, I don't have many or any to really talk to, to confide in, to be me with, to discuss relationship problems, a good friend.

Sigh. Where to begin? My life is complicated.

Let's start from the beginning. I was in a ****** loveless marriage that I really only entered into in the first place because of pressures to get married after having a child together. The best thing I ever did was end that. That happened last summer.

One of the major sources of sadness in my ife is my mother. I have a tulmultuous relationship with my mother. She lives with me and I support her ever since she lost her job five years ago for misusing a credit card (which I most definetely resent her for). She has developed back problems and collects disability. She just has lots of problems, some pyschological, and makes my life at home so unhappy, causes me extra stress, and makes me feel incredibly lonely. She is like poison in my life. I keep trying to pretend she's ok and looking out for me, but every time I talk to her, I realize she is not there for me like I want her to be. And I guess I thought she was my friend, but she isn't, and this hurts, for whatever its worth.

On the other hand, over the past six months, I have met the most wonderful man. He was my friend prior to the romantic connection, and when we finally connected it was great. He makes me happy, fulfilled, and feel loved. He treats my son like his own, and I feel more like a little family with him than I ever did with my ex. I am completely in love with him. But naturally, since I'm coming from out of a divorce, I am hesistant and have questions. We are both in grad school together and slowly planning our lives together. He knows of my family issues and is so supportive and sweet; this means a lot, but sometimes I have doubts, and I can't talk to him about it.

There, I came out and said it - a very abridged version indeed. Anyone want to talk? I'm an equally good listener.


blameitontheblackstar blameitontheblackstar
2 Responses Mar 21, 2009

I'm also a good listener. If you see me online....feel free to message me anytime. Hang in there!

The responsibility you take on for caring for your mother is more than just you should have to handle. Are you an only child? Is your dad out of the picture? This guy sounds like the perfect remedy to your problems, it is smart to be cautious but he seems like the real deal.