Just Needed to Have a Voice For a Moment

 I'm a nineteen year old female college student and this is my story. I feel very caught. I've always been very shy, which has made me self-conscious and even more shy... I guess you might know what I mean. I've had some extra trouble since my sister is the living definition of social butterfly, making me feel very inadequate.

Because I've been so shy I didn't date a lot growing up... I dated a couple of guys but never for more than a week or two... I would end up screwing it up with how uncomfortable I was. I didn't lose my virginity or have any sort of sexual interaction until I was eighteen (I know that isn't very old but in this day and age, I would be considered a late bloomer by my peers, and I am) I first had sex with my first boyfriend, who I dated for a little more than nine months. I broke up with him in the middle of February. Although we broke up for good reasons and I'm glad I'm not in the relationship, I feel like he was one of the few people I've ever known who has made me feel like a woman, a real person. He made me feel so confident and we were so good to each other for awhile, we made each other stronger until the end of the relationship when seemed to part ways emotionally.

Since we broke up I have been having a really hard time. My friends, although I love them, do not comfort me at all even when they have tried. I only have a few friends, and feeling as though I cannot and do not want to talk to them has made me feel very isolated. Also, my two closest friends began their own relationships right when my boyfriend and I broke up, which makes it hard to not only be around them but find time to be with them without encroaching upon their respective boyfriend times.

I'm rambling. Simply I feel like I am completely inept socially. Even though I think I'm an interesting and fun person, my lack of social skills makes me feel worthless. I'm on this website because I needed to talk or else I'd die. I just hate feeling this way. I just want to be normal.

treespark treespark
2 Responses Mar 23, 2009

What is normal? I ask because we are all unique and different and at the same time the same in many ways,comparing our self to other people makes us feel like we have to be like them, but we don't some of us are shy and some of us can't seem to say enough and its okay either <br />
way. I say to you you are important just the way you are, even if someone tells you otherwise, who can take away your worth? Don't let anyone have that power over you. I know how difficult it is to lose someone whom you have loved, but there are so many things in life that we have no control over and we must just let them go.

Breaking up with the first person that you truly care about is always the toughest one. You fear that you won't ever be able to find another person like him/her. But someone new always comes along... trust me. It takes time to heal from a breakup, made doubly difficult by lack of self confidence (I know of what you speak), but you seem like a very well spoken and interesting person, you should have little trouble connecting with others especially while in college. Empower yourself, you will weather this storm.<br />