No Fairies For This Sleeping Beauty

Everyone I know knows that I am not a small talk kind of girl. My mother knows I am not social. We only speak every few weeks. My father knows I'm not social. We only speak once a week. This is the man that raised me. I don't even feel bonded with him. I have one person who I've ever felt bonded to and I've even managed to alienate her. I don't do well with relationships and I live alone, isolated and antisocial. I lock myself up in my house and turn on the tv or open a book. I make and break connections with people constantly. I can't maintain anything. I hate that I love to be so alone. Escpecially when being alone means feeling like there's no one but myself in the end. That's a very sad feeling.  

SleepingBeautyinNightmares SleepingBeautyinNightmares
18-21, F
5 Responses Mar 28, 2009

you know i feel exactly the same way.. i want to go out and make friends. instead i spend my saturday night watching a movie alone.. while my room mates go out.. i really want to go out with them, but i just choose not to. though someday i wish i will just go rather than being so paranoid about it..

I could have written your post. And most of the comments left. I see so much of myself in everything that is written above.<br />
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I talk to my mom once a week and that's usually on Saturday when she drags me out shopping. I've also pushed people away. Including my father. I'm much more happier inside with myself. I keep imagining scenarios where I meet "Mr. Right" and think, 'I don't know if I could share living space with another person, especially for a lifetime.' I do work and I also take a few classes at the gym. I'm happy with that amount of socalizing. Any more human interaction exhausts me.<br />
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Some of us are like that. I guess it's nature's way of balancing out those people who have to constantly be around others and the people who are constantly talking just to hear themselves. ;) Just remember you aren't alone. :)

I think I feel very similar to how you feel. I am "anti-social" myself, partly due to anxiety from being in social situations and partly due the fact that most of the time I prefer to just be alone. Part of me WANTS to be outgoing and comfortable talking to others so I can be that "fun guy" in the group, but then I realize that the other part of me really doesn't like spending time with other people regardless how I feel. I can't small talk or "chit chat" with most people mainly because I have nothing to say or that I just don't care to talk to anyone. The hard part is knowing which one of those "me's" is the real one. Am I SUPPOSED to be social or am I SUPPOSED to be by myself? It was especially hard growing up in a family that was completely different from me. They were ALL social butterflies, even my extended family. My parents were always loving and supportive of my "shyness", even if they never really understood it or the magnitude of it. Nonetheless, I still feel like an outsider from my family, never really wanting to do too much with them and it does make me feel sad. I've never had a strong bond to my father or even my mother, at least not in the way my brothers do. I just thought you should know that there are definitely others out there feeling just like you do.<br />
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Take care.

Thank you. I have been feeling quite quilty for being this way. it's safe to say that I've been put through very very many guilt trips.

You consider yourself as an anti-social?It's okay,it happens to a lot of people you're not the only one.It's your personal choice and no one can change that but yourself.You have the ability to do whatever your mind is set to do.If you want to be alone for the rest of your life,so be it.If you want to become a star and shine,let it happen.You can do whatever you please.The choice is all up to you and don't ever let anyone try to change that about you.:)