Lonely College Student? What?

Actually you are not , though this is enjoying age, sometimes its really hard for us to find out who is and what is good for us . But atleast u might have some hobbies, try to encourage yourself in pursuing your hobbies and finding friends who have the same.See at your age i really had good fun, but whatever you are feeling is the same feeling I had. But i loved sports and that gave me power to act.

I started university last year and I tell you I felt EXACTLY the same at the beginning... and even still sometimes do now. It's not easy relocating like that, leaving everyone who knows and loves you behind and being thrown into a new set of people. But it's part of life, you have to do it. You just have to throw yourself in. I was absolutely terrified and it was awkward at first, but everyone's in the same boat. As time goes on you will meet like minded people who accept you and understand you. They will understand your need to be alone as well as your need to be comforted and surrounded. I have lots of good friends now, but I still feel desperately lonely at times. I feel like they aren't really my friends, that they don't really understand me, that they wouldn't really be there for me if I needed them. I have always been very introverted and find it difficult to let people in, but if you don't give them a chance you will never know what great relationships you can have. I'm sure you are a really amazing person, let people see that. Push yourself out of your comfort zone, challenge yourself- that's what life's all about and that's why life's so great. And remember, you are absolutely not alone, nor are you abnormal. We all feel like that at times but the difference between a happy and an unhappy person is that a happy person talks about it- don't bottle it up :)

I am 24 and I also think the EXACT thoughts that you do... I stay in my room out of fear of being judged.. I know I should be out dating, going out dancing, partying, but I can't... I used to live so carefree and as much as I crave companionship, I don't know what stops me from going out to enjoy life... I'm scared to wake up 40 years old and realize I am all alone... I wanted to write you to let you know that you are certainly not alone... I am a pretty young girl and I haven't been cuddled in 2 years... Something feels foreign and distant when I interact and I feel like Im pushing everyone away to keep from hurting them or myself... I havent been a good friend and I hate that....

I hope you can overcome your anxiety and go live a little before you start getting ugly and it'll be too late ;) jk

take care, god bless!

Donna

I hate hearing about people's great college days. It reminds me of my days eating Frosted Flakes and watching VH1 Pop up video. Today, the Internet is amazing. Go on meetup.com, put in your zip code and type things you like or things that describe you. There are groups for people who are shy or with social anxiety. You can also try online dating. It worked great for me. It may not seem it, but there are more people sitting at home than you think.
I wish you luck. Feel free to message me if you want some advice.

ur not alone and i like to cheer ppl up so maybe i can help you find a more adventurous life

I do feel the same way almost all the time. I have a hard time making friends. I feel lonely even when i have people around.

Your not alone, alot of people feel this way, some who are in college too

Hi, this is not in the vein of a 'helpful response', but I like the message behind the line - "we stay together because in some way we prefer the pain we inflict upon each other to the senseless pain we would otherwise inflict on ourselves."

oh! my god! i read your complete story now and i should say only few things:
dont think you are abnormal.
few good friends is better than lot of people.
try to understand what you want.
dont settle for less for the fear of being lonely.

hahaha...... i am 21yrs and going to pass out from my college after a month and i am still lonely.... but that has given me the scope to learn who to look for..

A lot of people are lonely... And the fact that you want to change it is great. It is difficult to make friends. It may seem that you start having friends just by existing but its not true it is something that you have to work on...
Some of the things you can try
Find a room mate
Take classes where you have group projects
Go to class a little early and say hi to whoever else is already in the class
Force yourself to talk to one person every day/alternate day.It could be just hi
Remember its ok to embarrass yourself or say something stupid. In fact it is normal.
Hope you make lot of friends soon

I just read your story and at first it felt like I was reading something I wrote. I am also a 20 year college student who feels like there is no reason for me not to have friends. I have the biggest problem with trying to be friends with somebody and then not having the guts or patience or tolerance to speak to them. I have been unable to even cope with this crap lately. It's kinda weird we are in what seems to be the exact same boat. Hopefully you find the courage to step out of loneliness, and hopefully I do to.

ow i really thought i was sick for being this way,, i just am lonely, in so many ways. i dont make friends (am a guy) and i could just sit and read if i dont have to go to college or do some task, maybe its phase in life, i just dont know.its good to know other people who feel the same.

Great advice in the other comments. There is no "should", "normal". Our past, good or bad, make us all wonderfully unique, different. The more amazing and unique you are, the more difficult it is to connect. I understand. Myself, I lost myself in books and reading, following my new, deep interests in college, on the net, takes you into different realms, and a circle of friends will just suck you in. So choose your reading carefully, and try and balance it around your study. Great thinkers grow from people like you in situations like this. It is almost a prerequisite.

No, you are not alone. I have felt the exact same way all my life, but I was able to overcome some of it by pushing myself outside my comfort zone. But even then, being with people feels like so much work, but being alone feels so suffocatingly lonely! Try working on yourself and try to find the hidden causes and past conditioning that has made you this way. In my case, it was a highly abusive elder sibling, who controlled my each and every move for decades! What is your reason? Also, here is an idea- try to go to events you like using meetup.com. Most of the people you meet, you would probably not meet again. So who cares what they think about you, and who cares if the situation is awkward and uncomfortable? And even if you find talking to a few people awkward, there is a lot of other people you can talk to.. I think that would be a good practice ground to push your comfort zone because hey, you have nothing to lose

Oh my goodness! You're my soulmate! haha! :) I'm kidding.
But you sound EXACTLY like me! I'm a girl too, I'm 20 years old, and a college student. I think I'm pretty too... Sometimes. Most times. I think? I have green eyes, light brown hair, and I believe I have a nice figure. I'm pretty, maybe not beautiful, but I've been told I am pretty so I'm trying to start to believe it.
I have really no friends either. Except for my best friend, who is 17 years old and who I've known since she was born. I transferred schools because the first university I went to was HUGE (I'm talking, 300 students per lecture) and here I am at a private small university, and I still have no friends.
You're not alone! Find some comfort in that, if anything. I'm transferring once more (I think! I'm trying to gain the courage) because my current university is very conservative while I am liberal. I find it hard to fit in. I also am afraid of all that you described. Afraid to get too close to people, but terrified and miserable with being alone.
Have faith in yourself. If it helps, reach out to a support group or counseling services at your school. People can help you, but you have to be willing to reach out and ask for help first.

Hi escritor93, I know exactly how you felt, that was 4 years ago, because I was there at that age too as a young man. I longed for what you wanted but it didn't happen and I never had a girl friend until I was 24.
Firstly, be yourself and don't try to be what you imagine other people to be. Don't attempt to follow the gang. It is your own individuality and personality that counts. You must cut your own figure in your own way without worrying what others may or may not think. In other words don't be introspective but outward looking.
Secondly, never take offence at anything anyone says about you in front of you, or behind your back. The best way to defuse an awkward or embarrassing situation is with humour, a witty quip releases all tension; be outlandish if you like, and never be sarcastic.
Thirdly, the easier you feel about yourself the more you put others at ease and the more they want your company. Good luck!

Hi. Do you want to be hugged and kissed, or just in the presence of a neutered male?

The only way to overcome this is by throwing yourself in uncomfortable situations and seeing first hand for yourself that it wasn't that bad. You didn't combust or something terrible didn't happen.

My best advice is to look for books on overcoming anxiety, self help books for becoming more social, look up law of attraction and books on that. Bottom line, there is a LOT of material and help out there but you have to seek it.

Thank you! This is exactly how I feel. I feel so relieved that someone else feels this way too (or did since you posed in 2009 (hopefully you still don't feel this way)). I have been battling this especially in college. I can relate to everything you said--the fear in pretty much everything. Overall it's the fear to live life and possibly mess up and even worse possibly and most likely succeed. Have you read Nelso Mandela's speech? Look it up. This deals with us having a harder time to accept our future successes. Thank you again. You are a godsend! And no you are not crazy, just a realistically normal person who is feeling lonely:)

Well.......I think that you will need to draw some lines to your self,border lines.
your likes & dislikes , your interests , what do you want and what do you need, and know the true difference between them (need/want). lots of people in your age don't have a map ,so they get lost,and from being afraid of being lost ,they stay at home lonely,not even trying to contact anybody and putting some excuses (like: I'm afraid that someone will hurt me!) or ( someone may ignore me.....etc.)
Be your self,Think positive & never stop talking to somebody and asking for help or advice :)

I am 25 and thats still me. I have NO friends to hang out with, people act like they don't want to talk on the phone. I don't like to go out to parties. It doesn't fit my personality. I am in college now and I still haven't made any friends. I cannot connect with you on here because your profile is restricted. Please have an open profile so we can connect. We got so much in common.

i've found a lot of u lonely guys can't be added as friends, please change your settings and be more welcoming of new people in your life!

Solitude builds character. The more you spend time with yourself, the more you have the chance to make decisions in loving yourself ... like treating yourself to cookies, a candy bar, some tea, or a good book to read. Make collages or art or just listen to music... always keep it moving !

Perhaps forget about what others may think or do with their friends... take the initiative to start being genuinely interested in some people that are laid back and chill when you notice them in class or groups... just think that if you show your empathetic side what a difference that makes regardless of wether or not a relationship develops. For example, you and I could be cyber pals ... but no pressure here. So break your chain of fear ... and let go by keeping a positive inner dialogue... and ultimately love for this gift of life we've been given.

I know it's scary sometimes ... but if you stay in the shadows of your mind who knows how long you'll be there if you don't "travel to the light".

Peaceness bro

- L.C

That was me in college. I grew up as the smart kid. I had very few friends, but lots of bullies. College was going to be a new beginning for me. I was going to reinvent myself. I changed my name, bought new clothes and prepared for an amazing life. One night as I was sitting in my 12 story dorm, drunk, lonely and looking out the window across to the lights in the other windows, I felt like I had hit rock bottom. It wasn't always that way, but I was alone more than I was with other people. Now almost 20 years later, I can see that balance is necessary. I don't always wanted to be surrounded by people, but I don't want to be alone for big periods of time either. I had a a rough childhood and a an even tougher high school experience. Being alone is often a protection mechanism for me. If no one is around, then no one can hurt you or your feelings. I think you really have to think about what you want out of life and then surround yourself with those types of people. I cling to my faith during times of loneliness. I know that God has called me alone to be with him at certain times. I struggle with always needing to be entertained as well. I spent so many lonely night in college that I will be darned if I am ever going to have a dull, boring, lonely moment again. That can be a bad thing too. Too many distractions can take you away from the important decisions in life. Anyway kiddo. You are not alone in this place. You are at the helm of this ship though. Join an organization or two. Go study in the student union. Go to free events or sporting events. Exercise on campus. Endorphins can combat depression. Think more positively about yourself love. There is nothing wrong with you. And chances are there are 30 more people on your campus feeling the same as you. They need someone to step out. Be the change love. M.

God, that was me 25yrs ago!
You may have to look at finding a conduit to social interaction - maybe a college club or society, something you might be mildly passionate about or have an interest in .For me, it was flag football, and choir!! anyway it helped a little until it helped a lot, and once I had developed a social routine, after a few weeks I had a couple of buddies! Now i had some company to head out and have a few drinks, or pizza parties, etc!
I remember it not being easy initially, and I wont say that choir changed my life, but I needed a platform more than my going on my own steam.

"If you take risks, you may still fail. But if you do not take risks, you will surely fail. The greatest risk of all is to do nothing."
Roberto C. Goizueta (1931-1997)
Cuban-American businessman
former CEO, Coca-Cola Co.

by the way, gospel choir was a lot of fun, and also kept me somewhat grounded!!

larry in galway Ireland

how are you now?

Oh crap. I'm new to this site. Just now looked and it was indeed four years ago. I feel awkward.

You are not alone in this. Not at all. This is really weird for me because what your describing is my past. I'm a lot older now and have a diffrent perspective. Truth is I can't help you. But I can understand you and my strongest suggestion is that you try and understand yourself. Haveing fun isn't as important as knowing and accepting yourself. And truth is most people are walking contradictions. The popular kid who's heartbroken. The lucky rockstar who wants to end it all. The recluse who is lonely. The clostraphobe who works in a cubicle. Point is there is nothing out of the ordinary about you. Other than an amazing talent for introspection. Figure yourself out first. Then life. And don't worry.

I feel this everyday and I want to reinvent myself to change this but I don't know who to turn to or where to start.