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Lonely College Student? What?

I'm 20 years old and in college. I should be having the time of my life, right? I should be out mingling and partying and meeting new people daily...right? I'm not. I'm really not. It's Saturday night, 10:30 to be exact and I've been sitting here just trying my darndest to convince myself that I'm a normal 20 year old college student. But I'm not, I'm really not. I'm 5'6, 135 lbs, blonde haired and dark brown eyed. I'm pretty, maybe not beautiful but I'm pretty. So why can't I meet a God-damned person? Why can't I have friends and boyfriends and people who call me to hang out? Why?

I stay cooped up in my stupid apartment...going out only for class and food. I stay hidden here, away from the world because I'm scared to go out. Why? I really couldn't tell you. I'm scared of uncomfortable situations and awkward silences. I'm scared of bad conversation and sounding stupid. And you know what? I'm increddibly...increddibly lonely. But you know what? As scared as I am of being alone forever, I'm even more scared of not being alone. What's wrong with me? Who thinks like that? I keep people at an arm's length because any closer and they could hurt me. But, keep enough people far enough away and soon enough those people are going to go and find people who will embrace them. And soon enough I stop keeping people at even an arm's length because even they walk away.

Please, please if anybody can in anyway (and hopefully a major way) understand this and connect to this, please contact me. I honestly think that I'm alone in doing this, acting like this. It's so abnormal and crazy that I feel like the only person in the entire world that feels this way. Am I?

escritor93 escritor93 18-21 431 Responses May 9, 2009

Your Response


same boat, worst part is having classmates that dont really mingle. Having to wait a few months just for a hello is a bit sad, but thats just life.

same boat, worst part is having classmates that dont really mingle. Having to wait a few months just for a hello is a bit sad, but thats just life.

Sounds like me.....

putting yourself out there is difficult and can sometimes be scary due to insecurities towards being accepted. although i am a very social person and put off a front of being ok, im really not. im not sure if actually going out, partying, and meeting a bunch of new people will solve your problem, but i think that it all starts with accepting oneself, then finding a group of friends that are like-minded and will care for you. as for the boyfriend problem, patience is key. and dont be afraid to flirt(;

I certainly can relate to what you are saying, it sounds like you have social anxiety, which is something I have dealt with and still deal with. It a situation that is hard to over come, but you do not have to be great at it, you only need a few close friends. Trying to meet others with similar interest is helpful in that the conversation is all ready on the table.Most people do not fear rejection and just move on, I was never good at this. Just remember that no matter how popular you are there are always people who will like you and dislike you. Millions of people voted for the President of the US and I assume like him, but then millions don't care for him and voted for someone else. It is just difficult.

Bingo Its almost as if i had written that (apart from the blonde hair blue eyes pretty bit)<br />
Im sitting in my room now While my neighbours are out clubbing. When i meet people (rarely) im a confident relaxed guy but when i start having to talk in a group and actually have fun something in my brain switches off and i turn into a terrified mess with all the social skills of a five year old worried that every time i open my mouth ill say something stupid so i dont say anything. <br />
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Im sick and tired of it and if we even lived in the same country i would probably pay you a visit and we could go round collecting all the people like us and throw a big socially awkward party.

Love the idea of that, party for the socially awkward next weekend! :) I have that same prob too. One on one I'm great then make it a group then I disappear into a corner. I realize how lonely I am when I need to call someone and just talk bc I'm lonely. It scares me too bc I wonder if I was to get married who would be my bridesmaids (that would require me to get a bf which I can't seem to get)? Only 1 person? This scares me thinking abt it!!!! I wish there was a pill I could take to change this abt me!

I'm a lonely college student, too. Just don't relate to other girls well (and the guys that hit on me are never my type, because my type is very specific). Is there an experience group for this??

i know how you feel

You're not alone...another college student here, 19, pretty much staying in my room all the time with no friends to go see or talk to.

your story is almost exactly me except im 21 and about to graduate. whats gonna happen once i do graduate? its just gonna be that much harder to meet people and socialize. its honestly feels like the situation is hopeless

I feel the same way. I'm 20 years old and at a community college. I have always had trouble making friends, even in high school. I'm alright at casual conversation & have made some acquaintances, but nobody that I can make plans with. I'm nice and am attractive, just really shy! I have an amazing boyfriend, but he doesn't replace my need for friends. <br />
The fact that I have always had trouble making friends makes me feel like a loser. Especially since most people meet tons of people in college.

been there, done that, it sucks

I'm in college and not an ugly girl. I've been a student radio dj even and still dont manage to go to any party's and am alone most nights. I've always had bfs but never a lot of friends. I feel ya :/ the only thing that helps me is being involved in extracurriculars(things that you would enjoy even if there was no one there) like fencing team or something like that. Hang in there and know that moat people don't meet their friends for life until they enter a job in their field

I felt like it was me writing this post, I'm 19, will be a shophmore this coming fall. For me it was a type of fright, I wanted to connect with people but was afraid of the process, I wanted to be liked but was afraid of liking, I would stay in my room afraid of the outside world, I'm pretty enough, guys always tell I'm a good looking girl, but for some reason I am always extremely and painfully self councios, school will start again, and I will try once more to reach out to others, hopefully with a little luck even if I don't make many friends I'll make a few quality ones.

You are not alone~ I feel the same way too.. I feel really uncomfortable and awkward talking to people and starting relationships. I get worried of what people will think of me. This shyness is starting to ruin my college life.. because Im in my early twenties. It feels like I'm wasting my early life stage cooped inside my house~

I almost loved having a single to myself instead of a double with a roommate throughout college. It was nice when I had housemates my junior and senior year, but I still spent many nights doing nothing at all. I got involved in organizations on campus and still struggled to have a social life beyond that. People knew me, but I hated knowing that when lunch or dinner rolled around, there was a good chance I'd end up sitting by myself. <br />
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I really didn't come out of my shell until my senior year anyway and grad school was where I came into my own, although I was still excluded from many social outings. Just be known for who you are and nothing more. People will remember you for it in the long run.

Where are all you people? I'm 20 as well, also in college, also lonely. I'm attractive (bored with years of insecurity so I'm just gonna say it) and kind and funny and enthusiastic and I can't meet anyone. My friends have all sort of vanished, although I know that I'm partially and probably to blame but in the moment being alone seems better than being lonely in a room full of people.<br />
I just want to go out and enjoy the city I'm in but.. Alone? With my mother? Who I adore but the point remains.. I wish there was a way for us to meet and not dwell online seeking out other wildly confused, sad wonderful people. I live in Austin and I'm pretty new to this huge weird state. Help me.

Hi! I'm also a 20 year old college student IN AUSTIN! I've lived in Austin all my life, and I ended up here for college (at UT). Although I have a couple, very good friends, I haven't made any new ones and I often get lonely. I would love to help you enjoy this city!

no !! actually yes .every most person in their life at ur age even me thinks like that....and readin and searching stuff on net to get rid of it...but i will tell u 1 thing ..jst show urself truly instead of convincing them that u r a hero or something like that...nd i have a frnd just like u..i trully help him to solve their problems...i try to make him happy...//it makes me good person//

I truly am pretty much the exact same way. I feel just like you. All my friends have vanished and it seems like i'm stuck in my own little bubble of a world

This got to me. I almost shed a tear.

I was like you in college. And bein lonely turned into drinking an that turned into skipping classes and that turned into dropping out. Now I'm 23 raising my 16 year old sister taking one class at a time at a local community college. I know it's scary but say something to someone in class. One time I asked a girl I'd her lip piercing hurt and we became instant friends. Turns out she was lonely too and was just looking for someone to accep her for her. <br />
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We were 18 at the time. 23 now she went off to school in Arizona and were still friends to this day. Sometimes all you need is one person to stave off the loneliness.

when you said your scared of public , are insecure about your self , or are you very shy person , sometime it a little step just to stand out crowed ,or are you afraid what people might think of you , no one really know who you are unless you open your self , it not easy , just be your self and be loud or goofy just don't over due it , we all felt that way in one point in our life , so your not alone , just take a deep breath and go out there , the world is your play ground

I know exactly how you feel. You simply need to have some guts and go out and try to talk to people. Practice! Practice! Practice! Figure out stories you want to tell. Make new hobbies.

Your not alone not at all. When i look back on how my life was 3yrs ago i cant believe how i got to where i am today.. I had heaps & heaps of mates i remember making plans with 5 people at once at all the same time, constant txting phone calls it was normal and i felt like a somebody! Now i have two beautiful kids. But i have no one i can talk to no mate to pop over for a coffee or just a mate to go and sit with. Within the time of having my boys i still had mates and things were fine but i eventualy had to grow up for my boys but since that i feel like i get looked at like the boring young mum. Im not though some of the people i hung around didnt like the fact i didnt let them use me. I also found out they werent the mates i thought they were. now none of us talk, they still do there thing together but i got pushed out pretty fast. I remember one day meeting up with a mate and i was excited n couldnt wait to talk n catch up,anyway we got to talking about new years and az much az my mate didnt wont to just say it, i knew she already had plans and didnt wont me to go. She let me sit there for ages going on about it before i realised. Felt like a **** after that. They all thought cause i had kids i couldnt do anything, which was silly cause i was the main person trying to do fun things like road trips or gigs night out on the **** anything to enjoy the time we/I have. I did learn 1 thing though you finally start to see who your real mates are, they ones that hang around no matter what!!!! I am now currently still lonely i have family but they will always be there & my 1 best mate who is all the way up north : (. So if there anyone out there who just wants to talk flick me a msg.

No you're not the only one.. we feel the same way... i hate talking to people because im scared it turns to be awkward and im scared bec. they might hurt me... your attitude is normal and unique... you should not change... just do what you want where you are comfortable and you find friends with the same attitude... smile ^_^ we are unique

Honestly, face your fear's and beat them at their own game by living. Trust me in you don't the problem will deepen so much that you will not know how to act in any kind of relationship. Just be yourself and most important realize that some will like you and some will not. Just be cool with that because that's reality for everyone. Those that embrace that fact are most secure with being themselves. Simply put, you are afraid that other will not like you and that will hurt. But currently you hurting because of your fears, so face them and they will leave, I promise.

When I was in high school, I had two friends. Just two.<br />
When we had a reunion, I wondered why people never came up to me, and they said that it was because I was closed up, and they were too afraid to approach me and I seemed fine with my small clique.<br />
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That might be your case. Maybe if you want to be friends, go and make some, they wont ALL come to you, sometimes you'll have to go to them, but be out-going and available, in a self-respecting way and you might see a difference. Maybe you look to comfortable alone and thats why you've not had anyone approach you yet.

i notice there are alot of pretty girls who are lonely. You do intimate guys, so if you like someone make it very clear.

I don't have the same problem, but I can understand you, because I know someone with the same problem.

I kept telling him, that he is strong enough to bear the pain. It's true. People are mean. People say awkward things. But everyone has to face this. &'nd I'm sure you can, too.

Break the barrier. There are many people in this world, that want to keep you in their hearts...