The Cause of All This.
I have always been lonely. I in no way am speaking with much age, I am merely 18, yet I somehow feel that I have some knowledge of things that people my age do not. I have never really been a person to have many friends. I have people that I can deal with. I do not particularly like them. It's absolutely terrible. I make myself be lonely. To a point, that I am deathly afraid I will never find anyone I can actually truly like...without feeling jealous and inferior to. I am attributing all of this to my incrediby low self esteem and to being a stupid girl.
I don't know what else to say. I am lonely. Sometimes I like being alone, but I can think of nothing better in the world than spending time with someone I truly adore. I am just afraid of being rejecting and failing (which of course seaps into every aspect of my life and pushes me even further down this dark, dark hole). I now have a lengthy record of things I have done in my life that I am ashamed of, which make me feel even more alone because there is no one I can tell all these things to. I feel awful.