I'm lonely. Just like everybody else here.
I feel ... isolated. Alone. Angry. Trapped. Frustrated.
I've been in a certain group of friends for a while now. And for that while, I don't think I've ever been given the respect I deserve. Sure, it might be an Aussie thing to make fun of your friends or something, but I'm not buying it anymore.
They call me black all the time. And they don't say it in the tone where I can tell they're joking. They say it whenever they can, just to put me down. I've told them countless of times to stop, and thank gawd.. most of them have already, and I'm relieved. But there is this one bastard, who still ... bullies me.
I got pissed and told him that I was terminating the so called 'friendship' I had with him, because he said something that pushed me over the line.
He called me an EMO. And he's been doing that for a while. And he says **** about me that isn't true. And when he does, he says it at the most inappropriate times. He says it when I'm with my friends, or with people he doesn't even know.
And when he does it, none of my 'friends' seems to want to stick up for me.
And when he does it. It does lower my self esteem. It does .. make me feel alone. I don't understand why would someone do such a thing.
I'm a nice guy. I know that. And I know its my weakness. So I saw him the other day at my uni which he transferred to. And he attends one of my units. Which sucks. But when I saw him I acknowledged him and we both pretended like what I said didn't mean jack.
I thought he changed. BUT no. He didn't. Within 2 days he managed to do it again. And I got angry. He said something to my friend, that was completely unecessary and untrue. And I swear. I could have punched him right in the face if I didn't have impeccable self control.
Okay, maybe this has gone off the topic. But yeah. I had to write it out. This frustration. This loneliness I feel.
I feel alone cos I feel that people don't treat me with the respect or talk to me as if I'm a kid. I'm not.
I'm the only person of my age within my small family in another country. I used to be part of a bigger family back in my home country. So I do feel lonely cos of that. There is a huge age gap between myself, the adults, and the cousins. It's not a great thing.
I feel .. alone because I have not met many genuine friends here. And those that i have lives a tad to far away to hang out with all the time.
I feel .. alone because I do not know where I'm going in life.
I feel .. alone because I'm frustrated with my life at the moment, and I need someone to help me through it. But no one is there.
Maybe I've gone off the track.
But. This really helped.
Thanks for reading.