Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

Lonely

i moved 5 years ago to a place were i knew no one and have changed so much. i have no friends still after 5 years yet alone a romantic relationship. i have found comfort in food gaining 100 pounds, my family gets worried about me because i have never been like this before and just keep getting bigger it has been going on for so long that i can't control myself any more. before i moved her i was popular could go to a coffee shop when i was lonely or bored and there would always be someone there i knew,  so i never had a chance to be lonely.  i am now 27 years old look back at my life and find myself wondering will i ever find someone to spend my life with, will i ever have children, will i ever have a friend to go out for coffee with that does not live a 3 hour plane ride away or a 3 day drive because talking on a phone just does not cut it when you need a hug.
daisyfields79 daisyfields79 26-30, F 44 Responses Sep 12, 2006

Your Response

Cancel

Hi Daisy, Thats exactly how I feel, I moved three years ago to a place thats so big. I used to live in a small town and knew everyone. Now, three years later and Im lucky to have acqaintances. Just folks at meetup I dont know.
I was never overweight, but I can see how food can replace the hug, as I had to move cause Im widowed. Im across the country from family or friends and one son here. I really hardly see him, cause he lives half hour away.
Besides he is a traveler. In any case I dig your situation.
Im thinking that if and when I get to opening the fridge, go for a walk. eh?

if you sit there in self pity like youre doing youll always be alone. get off your *** & do something about it, stop feeling sorry for yourself, your lifes what you make it.
youre lucky i went a foreign country for 10 years & i couldnt speak the language so you can imagine how alone i was?????????????

Ive gained a lot of weight too. I have turned to sweets as a way out of my pain. But at least you have an easier chance than I do. Im transgender, misunderstood and ignored. Im rejected by my family and by EVERY crush I have ever had. I am getting larger and never have had so many self image deficiencies. I would love to talk with you but will you seek interaction with me?

you can contact with me in my facebook page
volcanatash

i moved where i am nine years ago, im 35, and same things. i have MS, so it's super hard for me to get out and meet people. it's so damned hard as you get older, especially now that im not working. interesting you mention food, as my dominoes just arrived...

we have one another tho. im in MD what about you?

same here i gain 20 pound since we moved because i stooped playing and running like you i found comfort in food but i didnt stop believing you must have faith and believe every thing happened is for a reason

Oh and just saying talking to people through text isn't going to help your weight problem go make real friends not people on the Internet you will just feel worse later on

Look I think I know what you are going through before you had friends and people to talk to and when you moved it affected your emotions so you lost your self in depression and ate your feelings away thinking it would help somehow ,now you don't feel confident possibly on how you look or talk so that makes you scared to try making new friends not knowing how they will feel but you will never know unless you try so you should look for maybe people who run around your neighborhood or go to the gym and say hello to the person excircising next to you they will often after you say hello ask you about yourself or make a joke to start a conversation so you just go along with :-) hope I helped

i am in the same boat you are and i would like to also talk to you

I am heavy, too. I moved to a different town and find it difficult making frinds here. I thought what am I going to be doing this time next year? Eating! So I took control of what and how I ate. When I started loosing weight, I felt better about myself. My self-confidence came back and THAT is what people see, not the body so much. They see you are happy with yourself, confident. You have something to focus on besides stuffing your feelings. I also started treadmilling, have NEVER exercised a day in my life. That helps you feel better, feel like at least you are doing something positive. I was thinking in terms of looking better NEXT year and not preoccupied with instant results, that gave me the ability to stick with a diet plan.

If you were sociable before you clearly are not genetically predisposed to social anxiety, unlike me. So you can get friends and be sociable again! I know is not as easy to do as it is to say this(trust me, I have 0 friends) but you should at least keep hope.

I think it's a little weird that you were popular, therefore sociable, and now you're unable to make friends.
You should try to control your diet, eat less, go for walks and jogging. Feeling confortable in your own body will make you feel good mentally. Then, maybe you should try going more to public places, where you could meet new people and make friends, that willl really help you. Good luck :)

I'm still looking for a seriously sweet heart of a gal to love and be loved by for life.
Lets talk. Feel free to email me. : )

27yrs old and u say looking back at your life? You've barely lived; Your entire life is still in front of u. Dont look back theres nobody there Your life is in your hands if want to u will find someone to spend your life with, u will have children, u will have a friend to go out for coffee with that doesnt live a 3 hour plane ride away Its not to late! The glass is half full!

Change! You need it!

Guarantee you would feel the same back home as you do now
Its about being at home with yourself that makes everything else feel great :)

(I've done the same thing)

Good luck!

L

Is there any way you can move back to where you were originally? Sometimes things are just easier when you're in your element.

I do now know where you live but if it is anywhere close to me I will gladly buy you a cup of coffee and listen to what you have to say. ((((Hug))))

Why did u move in the first place? But yeah I know what u mean...

just pray :)

Hi
I'm lonely too
I'm in a world where everyone hates me

Wow same here but when u are young u can start over as many times as u want and u can always change your situation Unfortunately at my age I dont have many options but guess what? I havent given up!

Why haven't you made any friends where you live now? Make some moves, visit places where you can find people to befriend' start by inviting acquaintances and neighbors over for meals or shopping/movie trips, it works.

I think you displaced your feelings towards consuming food. It is natural, as i am, i was alone once and am frequently eating what all i got until i got diabetics and other diseases. It is really psychological, by developing a different attitude towards life like me you can become very happy. I developed passion in photography, to negate my loneliness. Now I am a photographer, but alone loving nature and its species. I think you can have me as an example to be happy. Now i dont mind of having anyone with me. Just take camera and rush all over to displace my sadness and intense anxiety.

I know its hard but believe me YOU can do it just take control and don't set your goals to high as each individual victory will spur you on and give you heart and in the meantime here is a big hug

I'm sorry you are feeling like this, but I really want to encourage you to make the effort to get out there and meet people. There are tons of community activities and volunteer opportunities. I had a boss once that made me so sad. She was the loneliest person I had ever met, and yet, she never made an effort to change anything. I promised myself I would never get like that. So don't reach the end of your life, like she did, with nobody. Go to the library, community center - anything - and meet people. You have to get out there.

You know a friend said no matter where you go you'll take what's in you with you. So don't think things change just because your environment does. It's obvious that what needs to change is what's inside but only you can make the choice to do it. You got a lot of good comments, but none of them can change anything about what's going on unless you decide you want it to. I'll be moving to California on April 1st. I'm in Texas now. I will only know the person I will be living with and his family. I'm 53. But I'm not running away anymore. I'm gonna change what's inside me. If I can do, so can you. Give it a try. You'll be amazed at what awaits you once you decide you control what happens to you!

go on twitter or facebook and search for Ruby gettinger.she is so inspirational.She weighed 715pounds and filled the void with food.She had a reality tv show abt her weightloss journey,

May I suggest that you think about joining Weight Watchers. Attend the weekly meetings then after a few weeks you will find yourself chit chatting with the gals around you. It is also a great place, when you get comfortable, to talk about filling the empty void in your life with food. <br />
You could also think about joining a church. If you were not brought up in certain denomination or don't know where you belong visit a couple of different churches each week until you find one with the opportunities you would be interested in, people your age and worship music you like. <br />
Buy a dog! You have to walk it two or three times a day (exercise!!). Buy the ugliest most character filled dog you can find and I guarantee HE will find you new friends. If you train him to do a cheesy trick, it will be good conversation opener. I once trained a dog to "Watch the Stick" while the other dogs were "fetching" my cousin's dog would watch the stick after you threw it. Funny and people LOVED it.<br />
Start doing things you would do on dates! Take yourself out to eat and to movies. Go out for coffee. Take yourself to see a play. That is another thought to meet people. See if your community has a community theater. Besides actors they are in need of ushers, set builders, painters, back stage help. Something for any talent.

I can't really relate to this problem because iv'e never found comfort in food, but what i can relate to is the loneliness, It's a vicious circle that is hard to get out of, <br />
My advice would be to try talking to guys on the internet, (make sure they're a real person and not a bad person), and ask them for a date, and just throw yourself in the deep end and go out and meet them. <br />
It's what i did, And iv'e been with my boyfriend 2 years so far, <br />
One day of anxiety - a lifetime partner.. <br />
Think about it x

*hugs*<br />
i totally know what you mean and i understand how this works, but...you gotta move...out...i mean, no one is going to come looking for you in the dark dreary corners, no...you gotta go and make contact.

big hug from me! im here for you, even if you dont know me:) i have moved alot and am moveing again and i wonder if i can make it this time, if i can find friends and a life. i dont know if ill make it, but i think you will. you reached out, thats the first step.

Obviously moving away from all you're comfortable with has really disrupted your lifestyle.<br />
And it will. We as human beings change when we're out of our comfort zone. <br />
<br />
But once we learn to adjust to our new surroundings, things start to fall back into place, or are replaced with what you've come to terms with. I think the problem here is that you've approached this situation negativley and haven't let yourself accept it. It's been 5 years, and during that time, you haven't found the motivation to get out there and make this new place your living your home.<br />
<br />
You keep reffering to how your life used to be, and what you used to have, but the thing is, there's no reason why you can't still have that. My advice, is that you have to take everything life throws at you and do your best to squeeze all the positives out of it. Take the place you moved to as a new experience, where you will get the chance to do things, see things and meet new people like you wouldn't have had the chance to do if you didn't move. Never let change get in the way of your own life, take it as a chance to try something new, or to get a change of perspective. <br />
<br />
Food has been your comfort when you've had nothing else to turn to. So if you want to change this, then do it. Book yourself into the gym, or a diet club, whichever. you can set yourself a goal, and also meet new people in the process. Also, gain some confidence! Don't let worries drag you down. Everything happens for a reason. You could meet someone special, as a result of moving away and changing...you never know. Always look at these situations openly, because your life can take a turn at any moment. Telling yourself things won't happen just puts a negative spin on everything you do. And life is way to short for that. <br />
<br />
So although you claim to not have much, make the most of what you do have. Its YOUR life, and im sure you, like everyone else, wants only the best out of it. So go make it the best it can be! Never hold back, you'll only regret it later.<br />
<br />
Good luck :) You know what to do.

babe i am in the same situation...i mean i was...i know how u feel...i moved from my country to UK 6 years ago and had noone here...noone i knew... I can understand u..if u wanna talk drop me a message to inbox hannah x

I truly understand what you are feeling , sometimes as people we sit around and wait for the opportunity of love and friends to come our way, when truly they are right in your face, and all we need to do it reach out and grab them. My experience I would substitute food to replace the feeling of loneness sitting around feeling bad for myself, but in the end that only made my self-esteem worse and cause a more personal loneness within myself, it made me feel even more worse about finding someone. There is hope I can truly say but now is the time to take time out and get yourself back on track, and truly know who you are inside and out, because in my experience I was so lonely and depressed that when i found someone who i loved I allowed all my emotional baggage and troubles follow me into a new relationship. I hope all goes well be encouraged

i understand too, i have moved alot. i feel for you. hug

Daisy, I am really sorry you felt like that, I hope you are better now. But I will say, if you are still feeling like that, you need to change things by yourself, nobody would if you don't, believe me. You are not happy about the 100 extra p, and you need to stop packing more. Do a crazy thing, like getting tickets and going back to see your old friends only for a day, or something else that will shake the walls you are building around yourself; even joining a free online dating site can boost your self-esteem or make you determined to change, anyway is going to be better than eating. <br />
I hope you are better this days, but if not, if I were you I would look for a job back home and move fast; don't stay in a bad situation for so long.<br />
Have a happy New Year!

my heart goes out to you...i was into severe depression a year ago and it has something to do with issues of the heart,but id rather not go in details.....i was a hundred pounds beauty myself too but i lost 60 or more of those extra pounds in just 3 months...im not telling you to wallow in depression to get rid of those adipose tissue:)...its not healthy though..losing weight is much harder than gaining it,but it can be fun and surely would make you feel better.a bowl of oats and a zip of warm green tea before bedtime worked for me, you should try them=) you are very young and promising..there's so much in store for you...i am 23 and i never been so healthy than i am now...xoxo

I understand where your coming from, its difficult for you. I bet all you see is happy couples and you cant help but think, ''why aren't i like that?''. You can be fine on your own though, not everyone need a partner, you can have a good time being single, getting your job stable and getting promotions, getting a hobbie making your spare time go to good use. Keep to a time schedual, it could help you in lots of different ways. <br />
<br />
With a relationship, how about you go round and see some neighbours? With the excuse ''Hello! i havn't properly met you, and because were neighbours, i thought you might want to meet me properly when you have some free time, do you want to meet up and go for a coffee sometime?'' Because then your giving them an olive branch aren't you?<br />
<br />
Good luck, you will be fine. :)

That could be dangerous!! Just saying ... people wouldn't do that where I come from!! "I haven't met you properly is rather "awkward". I like what you said about being fine on your own though!!

im 21, i have been to 5 high schools and 2 colleges, i have moved a lot, and been the new girls way too many times. actually to this day i have no friends from any of the schools i have been to that i keep in touch with. recently i moved to the neighborhood i grew up in, some old friends have come up to me, but i find that i dont want to befriend them, i guess thats a choice. but also im embarrassed because i have changed so much. in 7 years i gained 65 pounds, recently i started dieting and walking more, and im proud to say i lost 20 pounds. it is all part of an attempt i am making to completely transform my life, and get used to developing a routine. seven years of moving was enough time to get used to constant change and this feeling of being grounded is alien to me. <br />
first step i took was to stop buying groceries all in one shot, so when things are missing i get up and take a walk to the stores, the next step i took was to buy everything organic, or just make sure that it all has lots of colors, not many starches.<br />
and always drink water, [ive always hated soda, but i still had to cut out juice all together]<br />
if you dont want to cut out sweet drinks or sodas, then make your own natural juices and sodas by adding seltzer and sweetening with honey :) <br />
those are just few tips, because you dont have to be a gym buff to be healthy, lose a few pounds and feel good about your self.

sometimes you got to step out of the box

hug!!

I am like you moved one year ago to a different comunity and culture , actually you should compromise between the bill you pay for your stay and the income ,are you forced to move?think of gowing back home ,if so difficult try to find your man where you are but be careful and dont be in a harry,god with you

Force yourself into trying new things.. Work hard to be in shape and make your own disteny.. Don't wait for anyone to reach out and help you..the only one who can balance your life is you, all you have is yourself.. And guess what, YOU CAN.. There are many homeless people who turned their life just like that.. Take baby steps at first but the key is to keep going..<br />
<br />
You don't deserve to live like that! You're better you know it!!<br />
<br />
look around you, many people can be good friends of yours if you really open your eyes..

I just recently moved and have met a lot of beautiful people, but they are not the people I met and knew back home. A person goes through alot when they make a drastic change. Befriend 2 to 3 people and invite them over when you feel comfortable. Take up exercise... something you have fun with... I used to be 192 and now am 140. It took me a while but I looked at each habit I had acquired and changed 1 at a time. I think social, diet, and exercise is a good order... now you could go to a park and walk...go to a gym.. then you cover your social and exercise need. Take heart, have courage, and learn you are your own best friend. In yoga.. do for yourself what you would do for a best friend...SMILE and LAUGH..and much hugs to you!!

Stop filling the void with food. If your happy with your wieght leave it, if not loose it. But your weight shouldn't dissuade you from making friends. You have to make an effort. You can't expect people to make a connection with you 100% It goes both ways you have to go in 50%, go in for the kill. No one just comes up to you and says lets be friends you have to make an effort with the people you interact with. People at work, neighbors, church mebers, etc. But most importantly you have to stop filling the void with food. The longer you keep gaining the wieght, the harder it is to take it off. And unlike an extreme makeover it isn't always a happy ending. Many people end up focusing on the time they "wasted" struggling as an obese person and get dpressed about it. Don't be one of those people. You're 27 you've got plenty to live for. Just wait it out a while. If your not happy about where you are in life January/Febuary maybe you should consider moving back home, or at least somewhere close by.