As Alone As We Feel....are We Really??

Oh. My. Gosh!!! I SO feel you on this!!! I didn't move away from my home town but, I've severely outgrown most (if not all) of my life-long friendships. I've had, like, three close friends and two of them have always lived out of state. I recently ended my friendship with one of them (a TWENTY FIVE year friendship) for reasons that I've felt pretty good about. (IT's a long story....for another group.) But, it's SO hard to make new friends when you're a grown up. It was WAY easier when we were little kids. Now, half the time, I go to befriend someone and they act like they think I'm half-crazy.
I get my human interaction from the neighborhood I live in. I'm not shy. I talk to everyone. It's a small town so, when I go into the local convenience stores or gas stations, I just have to say I want a pack of cigs and they reach for my brand without asking. This is where I find most of my comfort...these little, tiny connections.
I use food for comfort, too. I must have some kind of eating disorder that they haven't found a name for yet. I binge eat....eat tons and tons and tons....just engorge myself...cuz I want to be touched, loved, NOTICED. The food sometimes seems to ease some of that craving. And, then, I just lose my appetite. I forGET to eat for, sometimes two days at a time. I'm really little and have never really had weight problems until the last five years or so (because of medication.) But, I recently lost alot of weight because of a med I went off and, I'm really happy with my body. Anyway, I don't think I eat/not eat cuz I'm worried about my appearance. I think it's because of loneliness.....doesn't it just hurt so bad sometimes you feel like you're dying?? And, most people don't understand. Because, most people aren't isolated. I wish I could tell you how to solve your loneliness problem but, I haven't been able to answer that riddle for myself. But, I hope it makes you feel better to know that I'm LONELY AS ****, too!!! Read my stories, if you haven't already. **sending love**
MysticWriter MysticWriter
36-40, F
26 Responses Sep 12, 2006

I agree it is harder making friends as an adult many are more guarded I guess now and I also notice people are not as friendly anymore. I try to smile and be friendly to strangers because I know when someone does that for me it makes my day. I think its sad that so many people are lonely but they are more open online than in person and yes i get it that it's easier and they fear rejection, myself included at times. I would love to find friends near me but don't really know how, but I am going out and listening to music, which helps. Im thinking that the way to find friends is to maybe get out volunteer, church, look up old friends from school, finding people you have things in common with and going from there. btw the binging thing might help at the moment but it's not really a permenant fix. try to reach out and surround yourself with kindred spirits and remember it's not quanity it's quality. my apology if this is a bit rambling but going on 2.5 hours of sleep. lol good luck

you are not alone, you need to stop disrespecting yourself.Try loving yourself instead.You are Gods image and are beautiful so quite feeling pitty and get on the road to recovery.remember it begins with you.

Go on a date with your mate. Tears are fears. He's your soulmate..........don't be late!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i feel u its a terrible feeling.. i eat the pain away myself too.. i wish the one with answer to this problem can just come and save us

hello ,well in this life there is a lot of ppl feels like u but they all have a point of view and sure loneliness have many ways to isolate u from the world ,,, in fact many ways but the result is the same = (loneliness),,,,,,,work hard on making friends and not because u need them,, u can also look for the ppl who needs u in their life.i wish u luck and take care

I understand how you feel. Until recently I was searching the why behind my loneliness but I found out that I was not so extroverted as I would like to be.

this sounds like me except I am shy and feel like i cant hold a conversation but thanks for posting this sometimes I think I am the only lonely one out there

I can totally relate with everyting you just posted. Sending love your way <3

Were not lonely as we think. If there are thousands of people who claim to be lonely, what are we doing? Why are we not with them? Why are we not reaching out to others?

I think along with this lonliness comes an illusion that everyone else is having a great happy productive social time and wouldnt want to know those that appear lacking.

Ive already written this but felt i should repeat it in a propper box - Wow all these well written comments are great and i am bennefitting immensly from it all. A great subject for me as i have spent so long alone and to know others experience the same takes the irony out of its sting. (did i say that right!?) <br />
Im connecting with everyone. Its strange, i crave company yet i wanna be left alone as there doesnt seem like there is anyone out there i could put up with the company of!

I understand this because I'm the same. I want company, but it has to be with the right person/people. I actually enjoy solitude to an extent, but I still want someone to share my life with.

Yeah me too. I have it bottled up inside me and i just dont know what to do with myself as i watch time passing.

It's sad. Writing helps me to express those pent up feelings. Also, meditation, but they are coping mechanisms. They can't replace human contact, physical and emotional.

I crave company yet I wanna be left alone. I am just like that from age 5.
I think there are people that are perfectionists, they observe details and find fault with everything. Usually this kind of people are lonely for long.I am such person but I changing..

1 More Response

I relate completly to your comment about how making friends was easier when you were a child. I have no problem in approaching people and I am by no means a shrinking violet, but I do find that most people my age already have their established friendships and at best all I can hope to be is an aquaintance.

good comment

I can relate sometimes I feel like my lonliness and eating disorders are ways of staying comfortable in uncomfortable situations... I have to start acknowledging my uncomfort and the fact that i'm scared to make a drastic change outside my comfort zone. Must learn to find comfort in making a change or be ok with the uncomfort of change.... I guess being uncomfortable means ..make another teenie weenie step toward getting outside your comfortable zone... so you can really live.

dang that's so sad, yes being isolated for long periods of time, can literally drive you insane, so be careful try to make friends. it had a bad effect on me, i can't get along with people anymore, im a freak now lol and forgot how to interact with others -.- yes this is a lonely lonely world, and im afraid it gets worst as you reach old age...

It's going on 46 years for me now, and if it wasn't for the casual friends and false friends, there would only have been the four-legged friends. I'm surprised that my sanity is intact as it is, but I'm bitter in an instant and am losing both my patience and tolerance. Worst of all, the older you get the more difficult it becomes to get into a social loop AND there's less plausible things to keep hoping for. Once your will goes you're done.

Yes i agree totally and would of marked that up if i could of. Im 55 and have been carrying this also, and no, it doesnt go away year after year.

its comforting to know that i am not the only one feeling the way i feel. i just feel relieved. it only takes one small thing to ruin my day, and one good thing to make it better. i am very emotional but its who i am. i just have to remind my self that feeling a certain way doesnt make me that way. it just makes me human and we all feel [differently] but we all feel.

Man! You feel that way and you have a boyfriend. I felt that way all the time...about him leaving me. And, then he did! We spent two years together and BAM...he just dumped me. IT FEELS JUST AS BAD AS I ALWAYS FEARED IT WOULD. Maybe worse. I have no friends and feel like such a loser. But, I keep going. I keep fighting. I WON"T quit. I will feel good. I will find fulfillment. I will learn my TRUE worth. So will you.

I don't know how to describe loneliness, I keep it within me most of the time, but I think people notice it on my face. I think people can really see how unhappy I am. A lot of the time I get people telling me that I need to smile more, at first I feel like maybe I am really ugly or somthing and that this is why I feel uggly but not I realize it is mostly because I am sad. I hate my life. I do not know how to make friendships and keep them. I feel so alone, I am crying right now, I cry almost every morning in the shower. and myself to sleep. Noone really knows about it, my boyfriend walked in on me crying. I sometimes feel that if I don't tell him I will explode but his mom is depressed so if I add on to that stress he may go crazy, and if he left me I would be so completely alone. I have nightmares where he dies and I just cry and cry, I am terrified of being alone. When him and I fight I don't have anyone to run to, you know. friends that I could tell everything to do who could help me out. I am so scared of this feeling. To top it all of my cat was stolen. I know it's silly but I told my cat almost everything. , and now that he is not here I feel like i have nothing to care for. I do not even want to go to work. I keep thinking if I move away from here things would get better. but I'm so scared I won't know how to live a good life. I just want to be healthy and happy. I want to be the social butterfly I know I could be, I am just so scared of people taking evrything I say the wrong waythat I am afraid to talk. I wish I could say please help me but I feel we're all in the same boat. Good luck everyone/

I don't know how to describe loneliness, I keep it within me most of the time, but I think people notice it on my face. I think people can really see how unhappy I am. A lot of the time I get people telling me that I need to smile more, at first I feel like maybe I am really ugly or somthing and that this is why I feel uggly but not I realize it is mostly because I am sad. I hate my life. I do not know how to make friendships and keep them. I feel so alone, I am crying right now, I cry almost every morning in the shower. and myself to sleep. Noone really knows about it, my boyfriend walked in on me crying. I sometimes feel that if I don't tell him I will explode but his mom is depressed so if I add on to that stress he may go crazy, and if he left me I would be so completely alone. I have nightmares where he dies and I just cry and cry, I am terrified of being alone. When him and I fight I don't have anyone to run to, you know. friends that I could tell everything to do who could help me out. I am so scared of this feeling. To top it all of my cat was stolen. I know it's silly but I told my cat almost everything. , and now that he is not here I feel like i have nothing to care for. I do not even want to go to work. I keep thinking if I move away from here things would get better. but I'm so scared I won't know how to live a good life. I just want to be healthy and happy. I want to be the social butterfly I know I could be, I am just so scared of people taking evrything I say the wrong waythat I am afraid to talk. I wish I could say please help me but I feel we're all in the same boat. Good luck everyone/

Volunteering for these programs .... you will get help from others already doing it. They will surely coach you through it and the reast will happen naturally ... like talking to anyone else .. just carry on a normal conversation with whoever you are helping. It becomes easier as time goes on.

Anyone who has ever experienced loneliness, neglect and emotional pain will know what these feelings can do to someone and that these people who have suffered and experienced this are usually the people who reach out to others when there is nobody else to be found. Why? Because these special people know what it is like to be alone, unpopular, friendless and hurting inside, that is why these people are so special .... they care about others first before caring for themselves. Everybody deserves company, friendship and good people to share their time with. I have experienced these same things in life to know that I don't ever want to go back to those same feelings and times again. I pray for all people to take the time in helping others less fortunate than themselves, and to be friendly to those people they meet in life. Jim

Wow all these well written comments are great and i am bennefitting immensly from it all. A great subject for me as i have spent so long alone and to know others experience the same takes the irony out of its sting. (did i say that right!?)

Wow, I like the way you describe it. That's very expressive. Not too long ago I was feeling so incredibly lonely that I actually WAS feeling like I was dying. And each day seemed to get worse. It was during the first 6 months after I moved away from my college town... where I had stayed for a couple years after graduating. But when I moved, I remember feeling this ultimate emptiness growing inside me as I hadn't anyone to be close to. One thing I've always enjoyed, personally, is living with others. Usually a place of 3 or more people can be really cool... assuming they're your vibe. Another thing I found in common with your post, I remember seeing others who were well situated around me. I was lonely, dying inside, and they were fine, unaware and unempathetic, because they had their crowd. The only way out is to connect. Find a community service, yoga class, or move in with some strangers... sounds scary but you'll get use to it fast.

Hmmm, I would have to start out by saying that you are not alone here or ever will be with so many options available in life. You are important and that you are very valuable if wealth was an issue. When you get lonely, go to a shopping mall or store, walk around .. not necessarily to spend money, but to get out and move around some. There are people feeling just like you and that it is easy to get into this mode, I have been there before and it hurts. So, I finally picked myself up out of it all, stopped the worrying knowing that worrying doesn't solve anything, and began making a new life for myself. Me, doing things for myself than relying on others for comfort or help, since changing my thinking around, I have finally found myself again. Try that and see if it helps some. Everything has a way of working out, we just have to make the first move.

I'm glad that someone else in this world feels the way I do. Most people don't understand what it feels like to be so lonely it physically hurts. It's like there's a missing piece in your body and the void just aches constantly. For some reason I feel like I can fill it if I eat enough, although it never works. Sometimes I eat so much I feel like I'm going to puke. Not because I feel fat or am worried about gaining weight, I just eat too much and it makes me sick. I'm just so lonely and it hurts to be alone so much I don't know what else to do...

I really understand you and I do the same. I try to compensate the loneliness with food. I live abroad and all my friends and family are far away. I never felt lonely at home, always surrounded by people I loved. But I wanted a new experience and decided to live abroad. thinking rationally it was a good move. I had the opportunity to study, got a good job and found my husband. But my heart aches and I feel lonely. It is so difficult to connect with people from such different culture and background. I just do not have any friends. I work so hard, come home exhausted and the only person I have is my husband, when he is not absorbed by the Internet... He is so connected to his forum that I decided to have a go myself and see what it is all about. It is so strange to feel so isolated from everything that is familiar and everybody. I start talking to myself, in my head, because there's nobody to listen. That seems a bit crazy and before I always took for granted that i could call a friend and just talk. God, how much I value that now! Anyway, nice sharing a bit,

I really understand you and I do the same. I try to compensate the loneliness with food. I live abroad and all my friends and family are far away. I never felt lonely at home, always surrounded by people I loved. But I wanted a new experience and decided to live abroad. thinking rationally it was a good move. I had the opportunity to study, got a good job and found my husband. But my heart aches and I feel lonely. It is so difficult to connect with people from such different culture and background. I just do not have any friends. I work so hard, come home exhausted and the only person I have is my husband, when he is not absorbed by the Internet... He is so connected to his forum that I decided to have a go myself and see what it is all about. It is so strange to feel so isolated from everything that is familiar and everybody. I start talking to myself, in my head, because there's nobody to listen. That seems a bit crazy and before I always took for granted that i could call a friend and just talk. God, how much I value that now! Anyway, nice sharing a bit,

I know how you feel bkz I also am lonely even though I have a family and peopel who care about me. Just tonight I was out with family and just kept eating-we were at an all you can eat buffet meal and it felt so good to eat. I used to be skinny, but now I am putting weight bkz it feels so good to eat. Probably tomorrow I won't eat most of the day, or else I"ll eat just raw vegetables and juices bkz today I ate so much and feel really fat. Anyway, most of the time I keep busy so I am not lonely, but doing things doesn't really help the loneliness. I just don't know what to do besides feel sad and lonely.

I love the way you abreviate 'because', that makes it so easier to write. Bravo can i addopt it too?

in todays techno-savvy world ou don't have to feel so along join a chat room and meet someone with your interest. a friend of mines did and she found a mate she was happy she ended it because she did not want to get married and he did.

Chat rooms do not take the loneliness away.