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My Loneliness Is Killing Me Inside.

I'm so lonely it makes me depressed. I hardly have any friends and sometimes I wonder what is the point of living. Is there something wrong with me? Am I such a dislikeable person? I really don't understand. I am warm, caring, talkative, friendly and am well-educated with an interesting life. Yet no-one seems interested in getting to know me and socialising with me. I'm never invited to dinners, parties, weddings or anything. I used to have lots of friends in highschool and college but gradually they have all slipped away despite my efforts to stay in contact. I don't understand what has changed. I'm still the bubbly person I always was. Why don't they care about me any more? The older I get, the harder it is to make new friends. No matter how much I make an effort to be sociable, it never results in long-lasting friendships. I don't look forward to weekends any more because I often don't have anyone to go out with. My phone sometimes doesn't ring for days. I prefer to be at work because at least I have people to talk to there. How pathetic is that? Someone once said that loneliness is the worst form of poverty. They damn well got that right. I don't know what to do anymore. All I know is that I am happy when I am socialising with people, part of a group, feeling loved and respected. But this hasn't been the case for years now. I am not enjoying my life much at all. I am so miserable. I wish this would end.
Louey Louey 31-35, F 64 Responses Oct 5, 2007

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I understand how you feel. Its same with me. I try to help everyone as much as I can. However, as soon as the purpose is served, they just forget me. I usually get a call only when someone needs something from me. It seems not even my family likes me. They just label me a failure and keep taunting about it every other day. I suspect I have dysgraphia which make writing examinations a nightmare, but I was never tested for it. Though I get above average scores, I have had hard time trying to crack a professional exam which has passing percentage of less than 8%. Every other day I get reminded of how I cant clear that examination or how my undergraduate course weren't as good as my parents wanted.
This makes me miserable since I feel lonely in my house as well. I find it difficult to connect with anyone these days, though I want to have friends, talk to people, hang out. I am just afraid that they will judge me the way my family does and hurt and humiliate me. This makes me too anxious I guess and makes my mind go numb while talking to people. I know what the problem is, but I just can't fix it.

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Im sorry about that. Im experiencing loneliness too. I dont know what to do for help but dont give up. Keep trying, no matter what

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All those answers don't help all this person wants for someone to hear him or her out and give him or her compassion or some good advice...maybe you should start by feeling sorry for your self and give your self a chance to be happy ..the first. Thing you need to see you are alive and start there and see all the good culottes you have you may say you don't but do and try something new to meet people by taking a class in your local college or a dances class oh take in a new hobby something you like oh you want it to try .life is beautiful and your beautiful just the way you are you just need to believe it .

I heard in both stories I read that no one wants to know you.How interesting you are but know one is interested in your life.Etc. I realized a simple trick that is so attractive to people and by accident I fell upon it and I have people follow me to say hi , often ask to continue our interesting talk later...can they have my number. I often hear that "I don't know what it is about you but I feel I have always known u" "I don't know what it is about you but I felt a draw that I had to u right away and I feel I can tell u things"
The simple and life changing trick is......ask people about them.Ask about family, ask about details. If the conversation gets personal, ask what it feels like to...have lots of kids? Or work at your job?etc. How do u feel about life now compared to being a Newly weds or whatever. People r drawn to people who look them in the eye and genuinely want to know their imput about their own life. It compels them, they don't get that from anyone close to them. Their family and husband stop asking those questions. They are there and r mostly trying to shove their opinions down their loved ones throat.Those people r constantly telling her how she should feel. Unless u r paying a counselor...no one gives a **** really.
The magic is that they are in love with themselves, your question,they feel they know you because talking to you out loud is everything they think about in their head so it's their own self they have known and finally get to express out loud their inner voice. U will notice how quick someone is to keep this conversation moving and laugh to yourself after they told u their whole life and feelings,they will leave saying how much they love your company and how great you r, then u will realize u never spoke once of yourself and they couldn't resight one thing of your life,on what basis do they feel the draw? It's the draw to themselves. I was so shy,I thought I was boring so I did the asking.....I get invited,and called,people stop over, I promise u....they also do all the work. By the way,I am nothing special.4 kids,overweight a bit,no job,no education and barely making it and my friends are from all walks of life.Its funny, I am a heterosexual women along with most of whom I meet and I get number just given to me often. I do better then the guys....just wanting an hour of coffee...to talk....about their favorite subject....themselves

I've been very alone for a number of years now, and I too dread weekends as I feel condemned to perpetual silence. Even weekdays are a trial because I have begun to believe that no one I talk to particularly looks forward to seeing me. I try to be as kind as I know how, and I am not purposefully antagonistic toward people. I seem to bring people down apparently because my conversations gravitate toward bleakness. I don't really have anything else to talk about though, because my life consists of a slew of medical problems and loneliness. I am also extremely skinny, and people have told me that it freaks them out. Of course, I have no control over that. Free time has become something painful, and it is difficult to find purpose in something when your reward for perseverance is more misery. I often wish for someone to simply be in the same room as me. It wouldn't even bother me if we simply sat in silence, just as long as someone was there at all. That is too much to ask for though, apparently.

your story is my story, it is becoming a burden

I don't have no one either. I just try to survive in the hope of a better future. Maybe you should do the same.

Me too. I can understand your feelings. I also have nobody....

i know how you feel i have no one in my life
friends family girlfriend nothing i try being caring and nothing no one want to get to close to me and it's killing me
i have nothing and i cant keep it on any longer
i try helping my look make myself lose weight but nothing i have slimmed down alot but still little bigish but i get avoided
im talkative lad i help anyone out who needs help i even put myself in danger helping people
but no matter what i remain alone
i help not to gain anything but because it the right thing to do and i was always told that doing good to other and you shall reserve something good in return
but now i see that not true and everyday i wish to not wake up and every night i feel empty and cry because this hole in my soul is shouting out for someone and no one hears me
im on meds that messes with my weight my weight goes up and down one time i look average then look bigger what is not helping my conference but i need to take it

i just dont want to live anymore i hate life i living i see and hear horribe people finding someone to love and i think whats wrong with me why can they find someone be happy after all the nasty things they have done and i spend my time in sorrow
i on the edge at 24 and i cant doing anymore

Well, I really cried because its the same for me , although we are talkative and out going , no one seems to be interested in our personalities im just dying inside because I dont have any special friend or any one to ask about me , although I ask about every one around me ,

I think I might understand a little of your pain

Wow, what you wrote was so powerful.

Dear Louey.. alone is not lonely. But when we think someone that make us feel so lonely.. i miss someone that he never miss me.. i miss his chat but he never chat me.. i dont understand maybe he is not interesting with me.. the i feel so lonely even we have big room with full electronic but lonely still killing me.. i even waiting his text everynight..but he doesnt text me..tell me if u are lonely because u miss someone??how can we kill back the loneliness?? seems any people very lonely in the world even we have many things but the lonely is sickness that cant be save..juat one medicine for that..crying then sleep that can make me feel better after that..

Wooooow, your response was the best

Im 4 months out of a relationship. And i moved to a city so the ex could b with her family. Now she has gone i have nothing. Just a cat. Ive never felt so alone, i agree with the work thing but i fibd my current state pushes others away. I just cry n cry when im home. And i miss my ex so bad, i have nothing but time thinking about her, its not healthy. The only answer is to keep moving forwards and never giving up. I just want her to hold me... but she cant cos she no longer loves me. I met a girl and she ended up at mine and all i really wanted was company. But the next mornin i felt awfull cos it wasnt my ex waking up nxt to me. Sorry, this doesnt help u i guess. But things will get better if u allow them to.

I'm terribly sorry that you feel lonely Louey. I'm sure it must be quite difficult, especially because you are actually putting yourself out there to make friends. I have notice that it has become more difficult to make friends now a days; I don't know if it is technology or what. However, keep trying. There are tons of wonderful people out there, and while it is difficult to find such people, it is possible to find them. Try to keep your spirit high. And for whatever it is worth, I want you to know that I am always open to making new friends. Feel free to mssg me anytime.

I'm a marine I've been in two combat tours been in for over three years now. I had beautiful girlfriend, but it's been forever since she left me had an abortion....and life is eating me alive....I can't seem to find the joy in Anything and everyday it seems to get worse.

did u ever overcome the lonliness? i'm in the same situation and idk what to do and nobody talks to me..idk who to talk to and not having another human to converse with is driving me insane. sometimes i feel like jumping off a bridge. i just can't take being alone anymore..any advice?

I dont have any advice but at times I could use someone to talk to. Maybe we can talk to each other?

Don't be afraid to reach out. That's what this place is for.

be strong dear .... there is a lot to do in life.... u only can change ur life.... dont ignore things and dont just ignore ur life... life is beautiful... if nobody is there for u u become ur best friend and u love urself once u start this u will realise u dont need anyone

Wow, I notice this was posted five years ago. How are things working out for you? Have you found the connections and support you were looking for?

You know l was searching on 'my loneliness is killing me' and ended up here. I found it strange that everyone shares his or here own story of loneliness and depression while the person above is asking for advise. I think the huge problem in all these stories and my story is that we think to much about what other people think of us. The more we want to belong the more we feel disappointed and rejected. Just realise you are an unique person! Everyone is unique! Live your life, do the things you love and people will see you are you. When we try to hard to belong it does not wotk, because peple see or feel you are desperate vut when people see you are independent and strong on your own they find that much more atrractive. Let people come to you, you are worth it! Don't work so hard to belong to others. Go out of ypur comfort zone otherwise you never meet new people. Don't try to hard because than you might make a desperate impression. And when ypu are all alone know there is aGod above who loves you jusf the way you are!

PS...and to all of us, may God bless all of us and find us great friends to have quality time with! Hugs to you all!

I'm sitting here in my living room, and in my head I said, "My loneliness is killing me"...so I googled those words to see what came up. I can't get over so many people feeling the same way. Here's my story.

I've been a diabetic since I was 4 and was always singled out as a kid. I'm an only child. No one wanted to be my friend bc of my illness. The kids who would hang out with me, would also bully me when others were around, and they would leave me out of their circle.

In High School, I had some friends. After High School, I decided to be in bands, which led me to be a big fish in a very small pond. I had alot of "friends" bc of my status. But when I got screwed over by some band members who formed another band and became very successful, those "firends" were gone. Also, my health condition had become worse, I became temporarily blind. So now people stopped hanging out with me. At this time, I met a guy who didn't have many friends either, and even though we didn't have much in common, we ended up getting married. Since, my life has been completely lonely...for the past 20 years. The fact that he had no friends made matters worse. And, with as many cousins as I have, no one calls me to hang out with me. Everyone is too busy with their lives, their kids (so they say), and yet, they hang out with their own little group of friends.

My husband loves me very much, but I barely see him. He does not like to do the things that I like to do, like go out dancing, or horseback riding, does not like to celebrate Halloween...isn't into Holiday things...he's just not the type to socialize, always coming up with an excuse of why he doesn't like to do certain things. He goes out and plays with bands since he's also a musician...and it's all from my connections. He's always too busy (which he complains about), yet when I've suggested that he works with me as a duet, he says yes, but never acts on it. He enjoys being in a band setting instead of just a duo. I don't work bc I can't drive and this year things got worse bc I've had heart surgery twice, along with eye surgery.

I sit in a lonely house, in a neighborhood where no one talks to anyone. I don't want to hang out with negative people either. I am not a negative person, and have a great time when I go out. I'm limited bc of lack of money. Even as a couple, no one asks us over bc we never have money to do anything.

I believe in God. I thank Him constantly when I'm with people. I just wish people would hang out with me or come to my town. They don't come over bc "I can't find a parking space"...or "You live too far", or "You live in the ghetto". There are days and days when the phone doesn't ring, unless it's a telemarkerter or a doctor's office.

I can't stand my life. I hate the fact that I can't work, bc at least I would be with people. I"m tired of inviting people over and excuses being made. Everyone is too busy to come over. My husband is way too busy. He doesn't have enough hours in the day. He comes home, has dinner, practices when he can, if not, he tries to sit and watch TV with me, but falls asleep...and I don't blame him bc he's too tired. I don't see him on the weekends. Sometimes I"ll see him on a Sunday, and by that point, he's too tired to do anything, and frankly, I'm so depressed that at that point, I don't want to get dresssed to go out.

I wish I had kids. But I guess that doesn't end the loneliness.

I wish I had family. The few who I do talk to, live in other states.

So, since I'm ill, I have a hard time getting out, I have a hard time driving, and I'm tired of Facebook.

I want to have friends. Real friends that I have stuff in common with. Friends who don't have an attitude. Friends who will accept me with all my health conditions. I'm sorry I can't move to a nice neighborhood.

I'm tired. I'm lonely. I"m trying not to be depressed. But this is all I have.

Its is the same with me. It really sucks.
I feel very low quite a number of times.
If you know how to come out, Plz help me too

Louey, did you write this, or did I write it in my dream?
As I was perusing your post it looked as if I was reading my own life story. I am going trough exactly the same myself, and I don't understand why I cannot have any friends, or close friends!
I am one of the nicest persons anyone would like to have as a friend, I am friendly, caring, kind, a good listener, generous, always smiling (I hide my feelings well so as not to appear negative to people and out them off), but none of these qualities making any differences at all. I don't have any friends, and my family members don't contact me unless they need money!

I'm only 15, really young to be feeling this. I'm not dependent on others, in fact I've been raised to be very independent. Geez... I think the only time I've ever accepted money from someone other than a present or a family member (even that makes me feel dependent and i never ask for it, the might just hand it to me in thanks or something) was last week when a freshman offered me a dollar cause I was short on bus fare, help is the same. Otherwise I try and do things myself, unless my mom is involved, we're very close as she has been the only one to always be there. I've confided my troubles in a few people, but not many. I've made friends, had 2 great friends at my old school. But I moved and lost that support. This new school, while nice with nice enough people, started not-so-nicely. First person I met was a pretty girl, we chatted a bit and hung out at lunch for a while. But I met some of her friends and they couldn't help but insult me and the likes. Same happened almost anytime they saw me, especially if she was there. Met some other friends, hoped they would be good. They were, to an extent. But we haven't hung out this year and it doesn't feel as of we will. I'm hanging out with some of the "nerds" who are actually pretty cool. But still haven't found where I belong. I just... Can't find my place. And while I'm quite used to being alone and not accepting the help of others, even holding in all feelings until I eventually started pouring out to a few select individuals. Most I didn't know too well but I knew wouldn't say anything. But the feeling of being alone after quite some time and not having any thing more than a bunch of aquaitences. Eventually after I've graduated high school, maybe collage, after some money has been saved up, I'm gonna visit some countries special to me. Ireland and Belgium mostly, to try and find my roots and where my family comes from. Then go say hello to my dad and his side of the family in Norway. After that, off to the front lines in whichever war the US will be in by then and hopefully I don't die. Not sure why I'm telling you anonymous people this, probably cause I don't know you and it feels good to reveal my plans to someone. I can't tell my mom cause she has profusely stated that she would never want me to join the military at all. She wouldn't even try to understand and I want our relationship to go somewhat smoothly until I tell her. Hope she will still talk to me then... Anyway, wish me luck in my adventures. As I wish luck unto all of you also experiencing loneliness problems.

Sorry bout it being so long... I kinda.. ramble at times.

I'm 28 athletic body, did modeling before had lots of friends and girl friends, after my break up with my fiancé and several financial issues I became lonely. It's been 3 years now that I have not dated nor made any friend. I work alone, getting the complaints from costumes, than go home alone. Sometimes I don't want to go home cuz I know nobody is there. My job is very tiredfull some times on the weekends I want to make a move like calling someone I used to know and asking wt are they doing, but I feel shy or just to tired. One thing that makes me shy from calling is that every body moved on, got their degrees, nice jobs, some are married, others went to the military and I stayed behind doing labor work for minimum wage. Some times I drink alone at home till I pass out.

I was lonely when I was young. Had few freinds and was alone most summers with my mentally ill mother. When the school season rolled around, I was the kid who walked home alone, who sat at the cafeteria table alone and had no one to talk to in class. Part of this was because I didn't know social norms or protocol and was influenced by my sick mother. I felt 'weird' and I was perceived as weird and this created a vicious cycle. The more weird I felt the more weird people thought I was. The more weird they thought I was the more weird I felt. Finally, mercifully, around fifteen I met some kids who took a social risk and brought me around their group of freinds. As people got to know me they saw I wasn't weird, just shy. This created its own cycle. The more they liked me, the less weird I felt and the less weird i felt the more they liked me, etc. until one day, miraculously, I found myself part of a group. The cycle worked in reverse! Now, years later I find myself alone again and feeling like the demon hounds of my past are nipping at my heels. This is because I made a crucial mistake. I built my whole social infrastructure around my girlfriend of eight years and my best freind of ten years. I got comfortable and thought they'd never leave. Well, they did. Most of it was my fault or at least my illnesses fault. You see, I seemed to have inherited, or got from influencing factors, my moms mental problems. I ran both of my core support group away with aggressive and unpredictable behavior. I was diagnosed with bipolar and am now on stabilizing medication. Both of these people who were in my life now know of my condition, loved me at one time, but have chosen to move on and drive away without me in the proverbial car. I was left stranded by the side of the road clutching an empty can of gas. But now, I realize my mistakes. Two to be exact. One was that I relied to much on them and forgot how to rely on myself. The other mistake was I had built my entire social life around two people! It be like trying to support a house with only two support beams. Now I'm working on making my foundation the right way. I'm working on myself, taking my medication and learning how to be with myself. It is excruciating but there is no choice. I'm also building a social network which has many different people and activities in it. If for some reason one support beam fails I have another in its place. If I ever meet another intimate partner, and I hope I do, I will never dismantle completely my existing social support system. That way lonliness will be separated from me by many la<x>yers, not just a couple sheets of flimsy tissue.

i had no clue others felt as crappy as i do. I'm 45.......my life is a mess and going no where fast. I did my best to get through nursing school and loved it. a year nad a half into my job i broke my back and now I am unemployed and useless again. I am a disappointment to my parents and a failure of a mother. I pray at night that i will not wake up. I really cannot take it much more.

as i was going through your story i got the feeling that you are describing me :(<br />
now a days m having the same feeling. i'm a lively person but still i'm alone. can't understand wot to do with this loneliness. i prefer the company of my cousins but they don't have enough time for me. i spend whole day in my room. i loved a girl in my university but afterwards i came to know that she was engaged i never told her about my feelings. i feel like "my loneliness is killing me"

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I am also on the same boat like many others. Although sometimes I enjoy and utilize my solitudeness I still want to get around with beautiful human beings who treat me with respect and sometimes take me seriously. <br />
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I almost live alone in my room though I have some housemates but ,still I don't spend much time with them and vice-versa. This feeling of loneliness is actually proving to be quite deterimental in my life. The losses that I am suffering at the moment are emotion,frendliness,youthless and joyless.<br />
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I always wonder if I could get the kind of group I always desire. But,it never happened or there was something wrong with me. Whatever, it is the bottom line is I have become reclusive without even demanding about it. <br />
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I really want to get rid out of this because I am not able to give my 100% in anything that I am thrilled to do. If someone,could come up with suitable suggestion please let me know. <br />
Have a good life to all the counterparts.

i want to suggest that please keep in mind that all in this world are not same.Try to utilize your loneliness.I am nepalese and have same problem.let us start to be one and start to establish a union of lonely suffers.Then we need not to suffer from it. let us do sth amazing to surprize the world.Start from you.

i want to suggest that please keep in mind that all in this world are not same.Try to utilize your loneliness.I am nepalese and have same problem.let us start to be one and start to establish a union of lonely suffers.Then we need not to suffer from it. let us do sth amazing to surprize the world.Start from you.

This story of yours is similarly the same as to what I feel right now...thank you. :(

I am desperately lonely as well. I feel that living life on my own is not worth living & yet I''m supposed to be the most important person in my life & love myself. We should be our own best friends & help ourselves. But I feel so hopeless... like what is this all for? I hate myself recently - and have no self esteem / confidence to go out and make friends. I've broke up with my boyfriend about 6 months ago & still can't get a hold of myself.. i'm living alone now and I can't stand it!!! i've always been a very dependent person.. relying on others to guide me, etc. but now I'm forced to live independently & it's killing me!!! i've never felt so lonely... and although my parents help me with some things, overall i got no one. people at work are friendly.. but i am just so miserable inside & hating myself so much that i back away from starting frienships/relationships. its sad to see so many people posting here, feeling the same way. in a way we are not alone because we are all going through a similar experience... but as far as living life day to day.. we are on our own.. its awful!!!

I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say now cause I have the same situation but I have an advice for you is that Let's learn to love yourself first! Good luck and hope you will never be lonely anymore. Cheer up! :)

HI, I got so desperate and fed up with this lonely life and googled lonliness.I came across this site.I saw the first post by Louey. This was my situation exactly.My phone doesn't ring for days together sometimes. I don't even get a message. I fell that I don't even deserve a mobile phone.I feel as if I'm a piece of log who exists with out any use.I feel as if what is the point in existing if there is no one who likes me..I sometimes feel that even if i'm dead or sick someday no one will ever search for me(except for my parents and sister). When i was in college I had a few friends,But now no one is in contact now..Feeling so depressed. Y am i like this:(

i know how u feel i'm 43 years old marrie for 11 years i've been loneliness for 10 years i've been hurt all my life i guess i could say the reason i'm feelin this way is my mom boyfriends was havin sex with me and my brother nothing was done about it we told her about it she laugh in our face and told us we was lying and then she told me it was my fault,now that hurted me so i wanted to kill myself and since i just start havin kids a year a part,i have seven kids.thinking this was the answer of gettin help but still to this day i sit n a dark room hiding cryin praying and not loving myself the only thing that holdin me together is my grandkids but things gettin worse i have a husband i want let him touch my we sleep in different rooms we dont talk we just there it's like we r roommates there nothing he's making things worse he never say i love u never say happy birthday happy anniversary never want to do anything he make me feel like i'm dirty well i feel like because my mom boyfriend touch me and my brother he did this for 6 years i was in school did what it took to get help stayin in trouble all the time in school nothing never happen so now this is my life of loneliness dirty hurt hopeless

Yeah, I know how you feel, I've felt lonely for most of my 30 year life, infact since from my early childhood I can remember always feeling lonely . My own, self hate, low self worth and lack of self confidence has neglected me from finding love and living a lonely life. I've rejected the ones who loved and adored me such as my parents. Instead I surround my self with negative, shallow relationships and lived a facade life style. I discovered drugs and alcohol helped me escape from my reality. In this intoxicated world I wasn't alone, I was popular, I had many friends, girls adored me and I had an active social life. At the end of the day...I felt more alone.<br />
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I agree with a previous comment about how we attract others to us. My self hate, low self worth and lack of self confidence attracted people just like me and we enabled each other. I believe the only way to change all that starts with being able to love one self. It is the hardest thing to do especially the longer you have lived not loving the person you are. It takes a lot of soul searching to figure out why and once you realize why you feel so alone. You will be able to find ways to make it better. I started by letting go of all the negative people in my life. I risked the active social life and lost a lot of my "friends". But I have gained so much more. I have more confidence in my self and I am starting to do things in this life that I want. Also, I've quit drinking and have began to straighten out my life in the real world. <br />
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Life is not perfect, I still feel alone but a lot stronger as a person. I have managed to meet a few new great friends who are wonderful people. The only person in this world stopping me is my own self. And that is by trying to control my own negative thoughts, stop worrying so much about the world and others. Replace all that with positive thoughts of my good friends, goals, successes etc.. and hopefully one day my feeling of loneliness will completely disappear.

i feel terribly lonely right now... i been a loner all my life..except for a 15 year relationship... and that person destroying my self esteem and sense of security....its the most awful feeling in the world... and im very shy.... plus i got ocd... which makes me feel more reluctant to know people....i cant seem to hack it without love.... love of another man... i have a little hope on the horizon... with a guy i have been chatting to in another country for a couple of years...online... but when he isnt online i feel terrible... i wait long hours to fit in with his times... as he can never give me a specific time...sometimes i have been up until 4am... just hoping for a chat....i crave his...company...i'm hoping to save money to go there...for a month initialy... and see where we go...he is all im living for now....btw... i disliked the "yuk" comment in respect to same sex relationships...the guy that love is interested in both sexs but loyal to whoever he chooses to be his partner....comments like that help no one, especialy on a site like this...

I can really identify with what you said. I often feel that way myself.

I know how you feel. I have a similar problem, but with me, I'm just afraid to show people I don't have any friends. I'm worried that if I turn up at every event, they'll think I have nothing better to do, which I don't. <br />
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I have people I know, I'm just very bad at maintaining relationships. I call people once in a while, they call me, but I don't know how people keep in touch with everything in each others' lives. Maybe its just me.

right now i was feeling the same..may b we are too much for others..many seem to go on with life in a happy -go-lucky way..i could not..i seem to get away..even though i am a sincere person..no one seem to need it..i have a daughter..divorced...i feel that may be i do not have any thing in common with others...

I feel so desperate right now. thats why i googled lonliness, not sure why maybe i am looking for help. i cant put my finger on why i am so lonely. i am an honestly good person. i help everyone that needs help to the point where i allow people to use me and abuse me, just because i really need someone around whenever i get the chance. i have no family living in my state. i bury myself in work and school just to be around people, but the moment i get home and close those doors, the emptiness that i feel is painful. i just want some friends that can help me through this. i am a very normal person, just cant bring myself to go out alone to meet someone. i feel stupid, starting a conversation with a stranger, i just dont know how to do that. honestly, if my mother was not still alive, i dont think i would be here. i am here only because i dont want to put her through that pain of losing another daughter.

It's a grim solace to learn that there are other people feeling like one does.<br />
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With all due respect to the people who suffer cancer and their families, i think that loneliness is soul's cancer.<br />
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It eats you, it makes your life miserable, even if you have money and a nice job. Honestly talking, it makes you wish to die, because life is love and life/love cannot be taken, it has to be granted, and if there is no one to grant it, the only thing that keeps you alive is the hope that someday there will be. No Lamborghini, No 450" plasma tv, no nothing works as a replacement.<br />
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I myself, am a loner. All my life long, although i cannot offer a solution, here are some facts i've observed and lived:<br />
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- Trying to fit is a waste of time. Even if one succeeds, if the price to be accepted is to hide things from others or to pretend to be someone else, you are doing nothing. People ends up loving the impersonation you make, not you, and that's worse than being neglected. One wants friends and lovers that want to be with one, not with an impersonation.<br />
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- There is no thing such as a lifetime friendship. Friendship is a verb not a noun. Friends are the people with whom you DO things. if you stop, for whatsoever reason, doing the things that united u with someone else, he or she becomes a stranger. It happens with your parents, it happens with your school best friends. You don't end up hating them or something like that, you keep wishing the best for them, but life eventually severs the ties.<br />
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- If you have nothing in common with someone, well, you're done. Again, it's not a hate/love thing, you can actually like the other person, but you have nothing to talk with him or her. You cannot talk indefinitely about the weather.<br />
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- Even if you have friends, you need a couple. otherwise you are still lonely. No matter how hard media tries to convince you that pure sex is the uttermost joy a human being is capable of, and it's a great pleasure indeed, the real hunger is for love. U need opposite sex if you're straight, same sex, yuck!, if you're gay.<br />
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- It's pandemics. Due to many factors, capitalism being one of them, all humanity is becoming lonelier as time passes. I am not saying that preterit times where an eden of fellowship - not a communist neither - but kids at younger ages are feeling this illness.<br />
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- Media is an enemy. At least tv shows and movies. They portray, with rare exceptions, easy relationships, people with thousands of friends, love at first sight, quick understanding between people. That's so different form the world i'm living in.<br />
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- The parent's crime. Lonelinness is so widespread that it's actually the main reason to have kids. At a certain age people finds life unbeareble. Tired of our job, tired of the system ,as hippie as it sounds, tired of paying taxes and of an endless chain<br />
of deceptions, the only way out seems to have kids, enjoy their first years, enjoy the leader role, and promise them that the world won't be wrong for them. Now we've passed the torch to a new generation. How will them deal with their lonelinness? will they become video game addicts? workoholics? alcoholics? drug addcits? shopping addicts? aesthetichal surgery addicts?<br />
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I must stop here, this one got too long. I'm really lonely

i have a beautiful daughter and alots of friends or so i thought after my ex broke my heart i felt so lonely going out everynight meeting guys having fun but i was still lonely i felt like i had no purpose in life then i got pregnant which i don't regret the father refuse to be part of her life and even though she keeps me occupied a part of me is missing and when the night falls it gets even worst my friends hardly ever calls or comes to see me the only calls i get is from my parents and they live in new york at nights i pray and cry myself to sleep and everyday i remind myself i have a daughter to life i miss having someone in my life someone to talk to to lean on even to argue with and make up i miss that phone call or msg it hurts so much after 3 years i still cry for him sometimes i don't even wanna be with myself i'm always sad when my baby is sleeping and when she's awake i look at her and think how am i gonna provide for u and make life better i feel so ugly now that i can't get rid of my baby weight all these years i thought i was beautiful inside out but i guess i'm not crying inside but the world don't know

Do you think it has something to do with financial status? like if you dont possess<br />
the certain culture items ,property., cars ,successful business then you been <br />
stigmatized and not worthy of friends? I got divorced and lost a lot my **** <br />
i have a couple of friends i am a good lookin guy and have things to talk about <br />
sure like to meet a nice lady everyone says there hundreds here in santa barbara<br />
i dont know

I thought I was the only one who was living such a miserable lonely life. I'm a pretty girl in my 20's who lives in LA. You'd think someone in LA would have a big social life but it seems people in LA are less sociable than people in smaller towns. I'm a great catch as a friend. I'm giving, nice, sincere and kind. It seems like being a good person doesn't cut it. If I was an evil *****, I'd have more friends. When people see bitchiness, they automatically assume that person is strong. People want to be around strong individuals for some reason. Plus people just want to be friends for the wrong reasons. They only befriend you if they want to take advantage of you. Sometimes I wonder if it's better being lonely than being friends with people who are in it only for themselves. It seems like the only other way I can have people in my life is if I start dating and I don't want to start dating, just to have a social life. Luckily I'm going back to school to become an EMT first, then a nurse. I want to be consumed with work. I want to have 24 hour shifts as an EMT or 16 hour shifts as a nurse. Even though I'm not becoming an EMT/nurse just for those reasons, I still feel that the more I work, the less I'll think about loneliness.

I completely understand and feel similar to your situation. I have friends, but I find myself slowing drifting away from them without the slightest intention of doing so.

I AM A STRONG BELIEVER THAT WE ATTRACT PEOPLE TO US. AND I CAN RELATE TO FEELING ALONE OR ISOLATED. <br />
I CANT TELL YOU HOW TO FEEL - BUT TO REACH OUT LIKE YOUR DOING NOW- CONTINUE TO DO THINGS THATS MAKES U SMILE- GO TO THE MOVIES, GO TO A BAR, GO TO AN ART EXHIBIT- YOU'LL BE SURPRISED AT HOW MANY OTHER PEOPLE GO ALONE TO THESE EVENTS.<br />
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ASK YOURSELF DO YOU LOVE YOURSELF UNCONDITIONALLY - THAT'S IMPORTANT. DO YOU ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE FREE & NOT LIKE WHAT YOU THINK PEOPLE WOULD LIKE YOU TO BE.<br />
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BE CLOSER TO YOU SWEETY AND IM SO SURE YOU WILL ATTRACT THE RIGHT PEOPLE THAT CAN BECOMELONG-TERM FRIENDS.<br />
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IT ALL STARTS WITH YOU AND YOUR WAY OF THINKING - IM HERE IF YOU WANT TO TALK - THATS'S WHAT THESE FORUMS ARE FOR.<br />
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HERE'S MY HAND...

huh, I know exactly how you feel as I am right now feeling the same.

Hi Louey,<br />
I can relate. I can't say I was popular in high school or before, but as an adult, it's a challenge for me make & keep friends. <br />
I've been told I am "liked" by my workmates, but it's a rare experience for any of them to suggest getting together with me outside of work, or for them to share confidences with me, etc. I don't know why - I must be doing something wrong, but I don't know what. I have the sense that in order to Not be shunned or forgotten, you have to play to the "least common denominator"; that is, act the part of being a very average, middle-of-the-road person. If your beliefs and/or interests & tastes run askew from the surrounding others, Hide them. I hate to say that, but it seems the safest route Not to be the local outcast. <br />
lonellolo

I know the feelings 'coz I feel the same way too. That's why even in the net i try to join discussion, chatting someone I didn't know or making friends in a sociable site. In that way , it will lessen my loneliness & who knows maybe in the future I can meet anyone of them. :)

You have come to the right place if you are looking for friends. I have only been here for a very short period of time, but I have made some really good friends on this website. I would like to share my experiences with you and be your friend. I don't know if we are in the same area, but I travel alot and would love to get together sometime on the weekend to maybe do some girls things that we both so urn to do. I am always here so drop me a line maybe we have more in common than we both think.

Some things that have really helped me are joining in community groups or activities that interest me (I'm really shy, which hinders the whole making friends process, but I keep on trying), reconnecting with old friends/making new friends via MySpace, Facebook, etc., and being persistent with the friends I have. I ask them to hang out, even if it's "their turn" to invite me to do something. These techniques may or may not work for you, but something will work for you. I don't know you, but you seem very well-spoken, sensitive and sincere. You are worth friendship. I hope you will be able believe that.

I have had a really hard time making friends, too. When I was in school (high school and college), I had a built in group of friends who I shared common interests (or at least common space) with. However, when I graduated and came back home a lot of my friends had already left town. Many of my friends from school came from completely different places than I did, so I no longer saw them. I was very depressed. I have been out of school for nearly three years, and I'm just starting to feel like I have a supportive network of friends. So don't give up hope.

Louey I can relate. I can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely at times. It is hard to make new friends when you are older, unless of course you have common interests such as kids, sports, church, fitness etc. Even then it's hard to get past just the acquaintance stage. <br />
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You know sometimes I wonder if it is society in itself that creates the feelings of loneliness. I too am lonely often. It seems when I do find friends it ends up all about them. What can I do for them. I have never been a selfish person, but you can only give so much when nothing is received before you're running on empty.

How about giving some examples Paul?

Shaylon, I love your bluntness.

What might that be Paul? I have a feeling you are going to tell us.

I used to be happy with myself and love myself. But now that I hardly have any friends, I think there must be something wrong with me. And the longer this goes on, the less I love myself and the more I doubt myself. I have become quite self-consious around people and am always worried they don't like me. As a result I find it hard to relax and just be myself in social situations. This never used to be the case when I was younger and more popular.<br />
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I don't get it - being myself doesn't help me make friends, being someone else doesn't work either.

Thanks guys. To Lady in Pain, I am not religious but I do believe in God. I have been praying to him to bring more friends into my life and ease my loneliness for years now. But nothing has happened. Sometimes I wonder if God is really listening. I know he is there in other apects of my life though, so I will just keep having faith.

this does suck,i know how u feel,being lonely is horrid!and i cant make very good new friends,i mis all the ones i grew up with,but they move,marry,RIP, and people just drift apart,i prefer being at work to,or school,better than sitting at home alone

I am sorry to hear you feel the way you do. Although in the past I felt the same way. I started just forcing myself to go places and do things. Sometimes just walking on the mall or down a street and starting a conversation with a stranger helps some. I am a christian and that is why I have hope. I believe in prayer so I will pray that you get to have less loneliness. Never give up. keep trying.