Here's a Group That Has My Name Written All Over It.

I am lonely soooo lonely, I am in a crowd of people kind of lonely.

Today is a beautiful, nay idyllic day outside, 2 weeks ago it was still an overcast and cold winter great weather for being indoors and an even greater justification for not being around people. Comfort food, vids and the occasional beer and Xbox ... it fills the void.

However today is so different, all the cliches abound, the sun is shining, the birds are singing and happy people on the adjacent terraces share wine, music and laughter. The cheap double glazing fails completely to filter out their obvious happiness to be enjoying, not only the day but there own company. Should I spray them with the hose I wonder ???? No I shouldn't, I shouldn't feel jealous at anothers good fortune.

Once the green monster of envy is securely placed back in its box, then again I am alone with the ever familiar loneliness. Loneliness is a curse .. feared by others as if it might be contagious. Just once I'd like to be able to tell the truth about why I would like to meet people ... the basic truth being I am lonely, having some friends or perhaps even (heaven forbid) a partner would pretty much clear that problem up.

Alas instead I spend the majority of my time alone, wishing, plain not understanding how I ended up in this place. I had friends once, lots of them, too many to keep up with, I had wife once, I had a fiance later. Then almost overnight *poof* like a pleasant dream that you resist awakening from, all have vanished.

I often try to re-connect with the new and the old, most friends have got married, moved away or just plain vanished. I go on those dating sites, and dutifully go to 3 coffee dates a week all chipper full of wit and presenting only the positives about myself, but its always the same, the ones who are not blood curdlingly insane, without exception tell me 'lets be friends'. This lasts for about 2 weeks after which some Porsche driving Adonis with the name Fernando sweeps them off their feet and I am forgotten or too inconvenient.

People are fond of the saying "You'll meet some-one when your not looking". This is absolute rubbish actually, as if wandering around in an ignorant daze will somehow cause the 'near' perfect woman to suddenly drop from the trees above and declare .. I am here ... I am just for you ... the things people say without thinking it through. Perhaps if I were vivacious women or actor/model/poet this could happen, but for a middle aged, non-descript white man ... it just does not happen. Once whilst sitting alone replete with pizza, ice-cream and a whole season of Dexter to watch, my mind wandered to that thought, I realized no-one was going to come and knock on my door, then to my surprise there was knock at the door, and who should be there but an blisteringly attractive blond woman. I actually was speechless. Turns out she was off to a party and had got off on the wrong floor. I can only imagine her thoughts as she hopped back in the elevator .. *cringes* gawd who was that creepy old guy with pizza sauce all over his face staring at me blankly ...

I wish EP was not a global catchall putting people from opposite ends of the earth in contact, there are some nice people I chat with on here and right now I wish just one of them was close enough to give me a real life bona-fide hug. And tell me sweet lies about how it will all be better tomorrow.

SamOnHisSoapbox SamOnHisSoapbox
41-45, M
6 Responses Sep 15, 2009

On EP there is no rudeness, only right of reply.<br />
You know its interesting to read what I had written so long ago, and as in your first stanza you asked "is it still the same" ... after re-reading this story I asked myself the same question. And I sadly have to say it is. No blonde Valkyrie has dropped out of the sky in the year+ since. <br />
But to answer another question of yours, my standards are not so stupendously high.<br />
I completely acknowledge that I am Mr. average, maybe slightly more 'bookish' than most but otherwise unremarkable. A woman with a sharp mind is easily enough to infatuate me, vaguely woman shaped then I'm sold %100 and I am compelled to turn on the charm like only one who has read a breathtakingly boring series of Mills and Boon to find out what will endear me to the current infatuation of my life. <br />
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My point being the things I look for in a female companion would DEFINITELY not be found in the woman of 'so-called' near perfection.<br />
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My Prince attributes? ... lol, well ok first I shall outline what I believe a prince should be.<br />
A Prince should know he's one man and the people are many and that my happiness is dependent upon their good graces. And so a prince must be educated in worldly ways and working always for the betterment of his people, as a duty and an obligation of Majesty.<br />
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So as a prince I would extol the above virtues ... as myself I have one thing and one thing only and that is my word .. so far I have never broken a promise, partly because I seldom promise, but my word is still my bond.<br />
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I feel that makes me a relic these days ...

I'll write this comment in the hopes the situation has changed for you since 2009.<br />
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The last part of your story I can relate too well with, even on the "just friends and acquaintances" level.<br />
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What are you looking for from other people exactly? Why must you be getting it from a woman of near-perfection?<br />
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I understand to attract a princess you have to be a prince, and vice-versa. Where are your prince attributes and what stops you from pimping them out?<br />
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Just curious (probably rudely so, as always--feel free to tell me to fudge off. :)

Open up my heart to love and forgiveness ?????<br />
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Who are they ??? they sound like the names of strippers !!!

lol ... cheerful people need to be hunted down and spray painted with 3 shades of beiege .... *grumnbles to self*

There was NO opportunity with some-one off to a party on another floor ... lol .. Hi there tallblondestranger come here often ???<br />
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And you know I did join an art club decided I wanted to learn to paint .. and painting I did learn.

Oh nooo. I feel terrible for you and I am in a very similar situation. I am a lot younger than you, but the same thing happened when I went to uni, all my friends just drifted off and disappeared. But I will say, the "dont look and it'll happen" thing IS TRUE. No, a hot blonde isnt going to know on your door and say "lets get together", but if you get out of the house and join in with an activity it really might surprise you. i can't promise you that, but I thought I would never get a boyfriend and in the end, someone who just a good friend turned out to be the love of my life!! And my mum who had been single for years since my dad left joined an art club and just by chance met a new man who she wasn't looking for. You never know, but they aren't gonna fall down your chimney while you play xbox!!