I'm a Cliche

I am so incredibly desperately lonely.  My husband is my best friend.  I've got wonderful kids who are doing public school at home, so there are always people around who need me.  I volunteer.  I attend church.  But I am so incredibly lonely.

I have no connection to anyone at church.  If our family stopped going I honestly don't think anyone would notice.  "We miss you in the choir" doesn't mean anything more than "the choir needed your voice".  It's not missing ME, is it?

I have no connection to anyone I volunteer with either, primarily because their lives revolve around the local schools and the local community/school sports.  Sure, we do a job that brings us together once or twice a month but that's it.  They all know each other from more than one circle; everyone knows someone except I don't know anyone and apparantly am not worth knowing.

If I take a class, everyone else is there with a friend.  I'm the only solo.  I learn the skill and don't meet anyone.  If I ask questions I'm nosey and if I talk about myself I'm boorish.  I don't like sports and when I try to learn to appreciate them I get laughed at.  I don't like television, except the educational stuff that only 'old people' enjoy. 

My husband doesn't get it that I am so alone.  He goes to work, he comes home.  Twice a month or thereabouts, he gets to hang out with his buddies.  That's all he wants.  When I get my time off, I hang out by myself.  I go to the coffee shop or library and read.  I love my family, and I don't want to seem like I hate spending time with them because I don't.  But I've got one friend who is also busy with her family and really doesn't have time to just get together.  Would anybody notice if I dropped off the planet?  I mean anybody who just happens to like me, not anybody whose needs I meet day in day out.  Would anybody care because they really missed me, or would it only be because they missed having clean socks and regular meals? 

Am I worth the air I breathe?  And how can I be interesting if nobody is interested?  Do I have to pretend to like the same things everyone else does just so people will talk to me?  Lie to have friends? 

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2 Responses Oct 2, 2009

I think what you should do is try to pick up a hobbie that you will like, once you find the hobbies you want use that power to communicate with others, join a club, hey if you like oldie stuff than shoot go for it, Im sure they have book clubs or some kind of club you could get into so you wont feel so lonely.

i know how you feel co'z i feel that too...