I Wished.

Mine is not new or in any way exemplary.

Let me tell you about myself.  I live in the same world as you.  I walk the same streets, see the same people.  I do many of the same things.

None worth mentioning.

I used to play baseball.

I was nothing special.

I work hard at my education and my job.  I try and try and try for people to either love me or leave me alone.

My efforts go unrewarded.

I believe many things (skeptically in this day and age, I might add), and I want to share my thoughts and feelings, my goals and dreams.

My words fall on deaf ears.

At night... nights are the worst.  Imagine your worst nightmare.  The sheer terror you feel when your trapped in a place with no control and nobody to listen to your screams.  That is what I feel every night.  The terror of facing tomorrow.  People always told me tomorrow is a new day.   I wanted to believe.  So many things I wanted to believe.  In heaven and hell, good and evil, help thy neighbor, that our efforts are rewarded.  I tried so hard for it.  Looked for it.  Sacrificed for it.  And the truth is this.  The same sun that set will rise tomorrow.

I drown in the hopelessness of it.

There are a rare lucky few who find peace with what has been given to them in this life.  I wish I could see it.   God how bad I do.    There are an almost countless number of people, im sure, that am where I am.  Despair as I despair.  Dream as I dream.  Hate as I hate.

I care about them as much as you care about me.

Look I'm not stupid or naive.  I have confided in the only people I trust.  I have taken the steps.  But at times I think.  Oh how I love to think.  It used to be about the future.  There was sunshine at the end of my tunnel.  Those sappy chick flicks we all know so well.  I thought.  I dreamed.  And now the only thoughts I have are my own mortality.  The meaning of it all.  Because that's all I have left to ponder.  The last great mystery.

My name is Al.  You do not know me.  But please.  Just once.  Only for a second.  Do what even I, the last in a long line of 6 billion +, cannot bring myself to do.

Think of me.