Sad & So Lonely
I have been married to my husband for 12 1/2 yrs. For the most part we agree that we should have remained friends, which we were for a year before we became engaged and another year before we got married. I have always been faithful to my husband but 5 yrs. ago he had an affair with a 19 year old girl. I am 48 and he is 51. I tried going to counseling and working out our marriage because I felt I had no other alternative. I have been disabled and cannot work so have no income.
When I found out 2 years ago that my soulmate still wanted me in his life I was going to leave my husband then and be with him but I was so afraid of being abandoned again by my soulmate that I feel I purposely sabatoged that happening. I still love my soulmate and desparelty want to be with him, but he won't respond to my cards and letters and I'm too afraid of calling him.
I have always prided myself on being faithful to any relationship I've ever been in but I'm so lonely I'm to the point of looking for someone to have an affair with. I've driven past my soulmates house and wanted to go to the door and tell him how much I want to be with him and miss him, but I have told him this in my letters and cards and hear no response from him. I'm trying to accept that maybe he never truely loved me, but it's hard for me to do because when we were together it was the happiest time in my life and he told me it has never been like it was between us with anyone else he has ever been with or known, which makes it so hard for me to let go. I still love him so much and it hurts that we are apart and alone, but I don't know what else to do anymore.
Why are there so many people alone and lonely and married? It's sad! I told my husband I'd rather be alone and lonely than be with him or anyone and be lonely. It's just so much sadder when there's someone who is supposed to love you and your with them but theres nothing there.
I'm so tired of crying myself to sleep out of sheer loneliness, sometimes I feel I'd rather die than live like this. I want out of this desparing situation I'm in but don't know what to do to even start.