Sad & So Lonely

I have been married to my husband for 12 1/2 yrs. For the most part we agree that we should have remained friends, which we were for a year before we became engaged and another year before we got married. I have always been faithful to my husband but 5 yrs. ago he had an affair with a 19 year old girl. I am 48 and he is 51. I tried going to counseling and working out our marriage because I felt I had no other alternative. I have been disabled and cannot work so have no income.

When I found out 2 years ago that my soulmate still wanted me in his life I was going to leave my husband then and be with him but I was so afraid of being abandoned again by my soulmate that I feel I purposely sabatoged that happening. I still love my soulmate and desparelty want to be with him, but he won't respond to my cards and letters and I'm too afraid of calling him.

I have always prided myself on being faithful to any relationship I've ever been in but I'm so lonely I'm to the point of looking for someone to have an affair with. I've driven past my soulmates house and wanted to go to the door and tell him how much I want to be with him and miss him, but I have told him this in my letters and cards and hear no response from him. I'm trying to accept that maybe he never truely loved me, but it's hard for me to do because when we were together it was the happiest time in my life and he told me it has never been like it was between us with anyone else he has ever been with or known, which makes it so hard for me to let go. I still love him so much and it hurts that we are apart and alone, but I don't know what else to do anymore.

Why are there so many people alone and lonely and married? It's sad! I told my husband I'd rather be alone and lonely than be with him or anyone and be lonely. It's just so much sadder when there's someone who is supposed to love you and your with them but theres nothing there.

I'm so tired of crying myself to sleep out of sheer loneliness, sometimes I feel I'd rather die than live like this. I want out of this desparing situation I'm in but don't know what to do to even start.

lonelysunset lonelysunset
46-50, F
10 Responses Nov 16, 2009

travel, hang out with friends, online dating, clubs, cougar club maybe?, there are still a lot of men out there for you! Erase that! There is still a lot of opportunity for you! Men aren't everything! Take time to find yourself, that's what I'm doing. Who cares about men, if you can't find the right one, it's not the end of the world

In response to I wanna lives comments to me. If it were as easy as you make it sound I'd have done it a long time ago. The problem with my husband now is that I no longer love him. When he had the affair I was devistated and I just no longer feel the way I did when we met years ago. I really never was in love with my husband and I know I just married him because I was tired of being alone and just settled. I am not a shallow person by saying this and that is why we have been together as long as we have been. He is a good man, but we talked about being faithful before we got married and I even talked with his ex- wife, (who he did the same thing to when they were married) and she told me he was the type of guy that wouldn't repeat, because he knew how much it hurt her. Bullshit, it didn't stop him from doing the same thing to me. I do agree with you on the soulmate, it's just hard to let go because I'm unhappy and I know the happiness we had together. When we almost got back together 2yrs. ago he told me he had waited 8 yrs. to be with me again. I know I can't depend on him because if I could we'd be together now and we aren't. <br />
I'm just lost-lonely and don't know what to do anymore. My only hope was to find love with him again and now that's gone too and it makes me feel even more sad than I already do. I just wonder if at my age if I will ever find true and undying faithful love again.

So lastly, do what makes you happy, like i said. Regardless of what you think other people will think, just do it. Follow your heart. Just be sure. Don't live with regrets either, and the best way to do that is to make a good judgment call. Write out what is better in all aspects of your life, husband vs soulmate, (soulmate left you once), etc. Don't lie to yourself because in the event it doesn't work out, you only have yourself to blame.<br />
I'm very sorry to hear you so sad tho.

also, you might have loved your soulmate, but he did not love you. You loved him more because he left you and you had no voice in his choice to leave you. Find a similarity within your marriage, work on that. Get some friends, go out and have a good time, it's your life, take control. You aren't dead yet. Change your point of view within your mindset. Smile when you realize that you aren't. Do something fun just for you. Do something nice for your husband that he really won't expect (even if you rreally don't want to). Listen to music that makes you feel alive again. Live your life, you only get one, and do what makes you happy, even if it's nothing that I suggested lol Don't be staring at the ceiling on the day of your death and wonder what your life could have been like. You. die. one. day. Find something to live for while you still can.

If you feel you will be happier...just go see your soulmate. Forget bout the letter you gave him once. Maybe he too is waiting for you to pop your face ...maybe he is tongue tied not knowing how to reply your letter since it has been some time? It could be all reasons ...Just go on and do what makes you happy. Good Luck.

I think your soulmate is someone who think you could have had a different and better life with, but if he isn't responding to your attempts, he obviously doesn't feel that you are worth the effort to try and convince you that he has undying love for you and that you are HIS soulmate and that he NEEDS you in his life, etc. Maybe since your husband and you are able to be open, talk about what made you want to marry each other in the first place. You must have loved each other, something about it must have felt right. To remain married for that long, you both must care enough about the other to remain faithful. Although he had an affair with a much younger girl, this sort of thing can signify that he just wanted to remember what it felt like to be young again. When you were married, I'm sure you were younger, and there must have been some sort of attraction. Maybe try talking about what you both really think will make you happy. Don't settle for each other if there is something out there that could make you happier. And don't leave your current life for another person. You need to leave your life you have now for a clean slate that is unpredictable. If you leave your marriage for another man, and he leaves, you will want to take it all back, but you can't rewind time. If you have any sort of inkling towards your so-called "soulmate" abandoning you (again?!!) then don't even let your brain think of him. He obviously lost you once, which landed you in a marriage that is probably much better than you think it is, and could be alot better than you think it could be, so let this soulmate live his own life. You cannot have doubts of a person leaving you and consider leaving your husband for someone that might be gone in a year, or a week. Your husband and you have been together for 12 1/2 years! Talk it out. Decide what will make you happy. You've been disabled? How badly? Maybe try working with disabled children? Or become a support speaker for people in your similar situation. You are not stuck. So don't feel that way. You are your own road-block. I believe in you, and I believe that your husband is a good man. That sounds like true love. They always say "Marry your best friend." Look at the past with this man, remember the good times : ) Compare them to the bad times. Are you and your husband making yourselves feel lonely? You have each other, you have an amazing advantage of actually respecting each other within your marriage, it sounds like you just don't know how to see the good in each other anymore and how the other person can make you happy, and does make you happy.

spelling error...explicitly! pet peeve...

I agree with Eternal. You still have your soulmate. It's really your choice what kind of a life you want to live. Think like how an outside person would think but it already seems to me like maybe you already know what you're looking for, it's just a matter of doing it. You should know what's in your best interest, sweetie, and don't let someone else tell you emplicitly or implicitly what you are and who you should be.

I know the root cause of my sadness and loneliness, my husband and I sleep in separate beds, there is no communication between us unless it's about our grandchildren or his day at work. We do not have any physical contact with each other at all and haven't in months, and even when we did sleep together there was never any cuddling or affection. I am a very affectionette person and love to cuddle and spoon at night. Most of our marriage I have spent feeling no physical affection or love. Maybe the soulmate is inevitable and not meant to be and that's fine, as hard as it is I can accept that I just cannot stay with a man who cannot show me any love or affection. I need human touch, who doesn't? If not I feel sorry for them.

Try to understand the root cause to your sadness and loneliness. It seems that you are searching for something that is inevitable..... It will only meant loneliness if you continue seeking what was never meant to be?