40 Plus Virgin - No Laughing Matter.

At almost 45, I must be one of the oldest male virgins in the UK.  How does this make me feel?  Angry.  Cheated.  I have managed to get over severe depression, and my 'condition' was a major factor in my illness.  I feel very bitter towards women and society in general.  I am planning to pay for sex with an escort when my finaces improve.  It's the only option I have I'm afraid.

I have no social life, and hardly any friends.  The reasons for me being like this are complex, but I will try to explain;

I had a childhood from hell. My mother left home when I was eleven years old, and left my father to bring up three kids in a house with no electricity, and shortly after she left, no gas. We were forced to live that way for five long years. I was bullied constantly at school. And pretty soon, I learned to associate people with pain. The solution? Shut myself away from society in a fantasy world I created. Of course, all this did was to store up a whole host of problems that would come back to haunt me. I suffered with depression (still do) the whole of my adult life.

Then in 2007, things went from bad to worse. My best friend died, and the grief that caused me broke my mind. I had a complete breakdown. I think I was truly ready to die.

My family was sort of helpful. I only say sort of. To be honest, the ONLY things that really worked were drugs. I went onto Escitalapram for 12 months, then Setraline, for a month, and finally, the ones that seemed to suit me were Mirtazapine. (Please tell me if these are the right spellings!) I also did undergo some counseling, though I have to be honest and admit that I found this to be of little real help.

So, now all of you know the truth about me.  I honestly think I am meant to always be alone.  And why paying for the services of an escort will be the only chance I have to experience intimacy.

 

Mikeymyers Mikeymyers
41-45, M
14 Responses Nov 28, 2009

i feel your pain....Im a 30 year old virgin in the u.s and i can understand where ur coming from. However its never gotten me to the point of depression id say. Since the not having sex yet was only part of it. It was more so the fact of never experiencing love or a relationship at all. You can easily just get with an escort and lose ur virginity so if thats what ur goal is and what will make you happier, do what u feel is best. I hate depression and anything that will change that for you, i encourage you doing it. Do know that your not alone in being a grown make virgin however. Ive simply learn to live with it and its not that big of a deal to me anymore...That doesnt mean i go telling people in real life about it but in my heart i really dont stress over it...I figure it the girl for me will come when she comes. Till then, ill just work on me and my well being... Best of luck to you

I now have my inheritance on the way and I am going to pay for an escort as soon as I can. Also have a lot of other plans besides.

Hey mikey ; am sorry to hear your lonely and dull life story. But , life doesn't revolve around sex , love and all blah blah .......I knw these thngz highly affect on your life , gives you meaning to live happy n content life....make your life colorful worth living , if you hav a loving n understanding companion. But do you think its more important thn your life , which you are wasting in jus waiting , in suffering n depressing.<br />
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hey~ mickey , dont b foCus on those thngz , whch is only making you sad , depress , sick and above all ruining your health & life.............just look at at those people who are more empty , void and trapped in extremly contagious diseases. By the grace of God , you hav health which is more important , so just dont spoil it . Keep yourself happy , active , young and content . Participate in good n healthy activities , learn somethng , improve your weak areas in life. And , kindly please just just don't count all WOMEN , are bad , witches , ******* and crap. Because , all five fingers are not same. Perhaps , you hav faced a bad woman in your life , but that was like your 'Bad 'day ". You hav long life n definetly sonner or latter , you will find a very ''Fine '' lady. But , for all that , you dont hav to indulge yurself into unlawful ativities . Just be patience n stay focus .<br />
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God bless you!

I am now getting a business off the ground, so I can raise enough money to pay for the services of an escort. I know some people will not approve, but it's either that or take my own life. It really is a choice as simple as that.

I am going to try once again to control my depression with St John's Wort. If that does not work I will have to go back onto anti depressants. If I can can control my depression until I can afford to pay for some good quality sex with a decent escort, I think I may be able to live the rest of my life.

I now view women with utter contempt. And I feel stronger mentally for doing so.

mikemyers & moth milk. Don't think that a prostitute will satisfy your urges, I have been & still am as lonely as you. I have been with several prostitutes & they will only make you feel worse because there is no love involved they are cold. It's about as intament of an experience as beating off in the shower, I will never do it again. If you feel bitter towards women I can understand why you feel that way, but I believe to the bottom of my heart that one good honest woman can turn that around because there are good women out there who just want to be loved (don't confuse love for lust either) one is all it takes & one is all you need. I haven't found a a woman yet but I do love them, I can't wait to find one in my life after divorce, But I know it takes patience. I feel sorry for the cold lonly girls that are selling them selves, do you know that alot of them are bitter towards men, & they have given up on finding a real man, others might just rob you. It's not sex that you need it's love. Think about how there fathers must feel.<br />
& you moth milk you are only 21. it's ok to be a virgin. most guys your age are lying about it any way. Don't loose yourself in media provided fancies. Learn to write or play music go to school If you are successful @ what you love, you will find a girl. Most of all don't pity yourself. I was a virgin until I was 21. I was also a loaner & I lived in a creative fantasy world of creative things like poetry & music until I was good enough that my peers started to respect me for it. But I had no video games or internet or even T.V., let me warn you these things, they do not build character, using other peoples creativity will leave you feeling empty in the long run. You will feel better & society will reward you greater if you create for yourself, & you will look back @ your life one day & you will be proud of who you became. Please stay away from the darkness, I have been there, & it's a lonely place.

I know I say this a lot---it's because I know many people of different ages who would be lonely if they didn't do this: Each person has interests! If you like to read books, draw or doodle, like music, something----anything---maybe History or Auto Mechanics, Wood Shop---making pottery---a local community college or a local community center--volunteer ---Animal Shelters---homeless shelters---there are so many things to do--that put you in a place with other people who share your interest. If you can afford it, take a whirl at ball room dancing....

It's funny how many people feel the same way and yet we still feel lonely and like we are the only ones who go thew it. It's hard to connect to someone, make friends, or make relationships when you can't even love yourself first...

Im 23 and I also feel the same way..We all are in this feeling of 'hopelessness' together my friend.I have just joined this EP 2day hoping atleast this is the day i wont go to bed and feel that im ready to slash my wrists!

I feel like that's how I'm going to be in the future. I'm 21 now. I do as much as I can to stay away from society. My only social life is on the internet. <br />
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I probably could get sex but I don't want to because I know it would be meaningless. I almost hate sex now and I hate myself for getting urges to have it. <br />
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When you said "The solution? Shut myself away from society in a fantasy world I created." That's exactly what I've done. I focus all my happiness on entertainment to take my mind away from reality. I read a lot of fantasy books, watch tv and movies, read comicbooks. It all takes my mind of things and entertainment is one of the only things I get joy out of anymore. <br />
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It's hard for me to complete small everyday tasks like going to the store, byeing something, talking to people. I'm so afraid of living.

Mike....thank you for your openess....I cannot imagine how you must feel........I dont think there is one person on this planet that has it all together my friend. But I agree with some posts..dont do it with an escort..it will only make you feel worse about yourself. Make online friends....there are other people out there that have the same issues ...you are NOT alone..although you might feel that way...joining EP is the best thing for you right now......you will get a lot of sound advice from people that care, even though they dont know you. Don't give up...fight for what you want in this life. And put the past behind you....be determined to change your future.....get rid of the mental blocks that have made you become stagnant..you seem like a smart person...

Mike, there is always a light. I believe that you can find it. Despite my strange exterior, I am kind...please see my profile and add me. Best, TRW

mike from the way you write you are polite well mannered and able to be open, honest and sencere you need to do this verbaly (sorry for my terrible spelling not the best education my childhood also had distractions) please don't make the mistake of going with an escort the first time is ment to be special and you can meet someone online in your area maybe get chatting get to know each other and who knows where it will land you could find your soul mate I hope this helps and good luck