Horrible Life

I don't actually know if I want anything to do with people and life. They cause you so much pain and frustration.

I've found it neccesary to live an extremely isolated life as a result of not wanting to be let down, and also because my low self esteem make it hard for me to relate to people and join in. Maybe I'm self absorbed but I just find most people dull, stupid, selfish, greedy, aggressive, smug and cruel.

The result of all this is to create a very depressed and resentful person. I've come to see the world as an extremely cruel place and myself as the punchline to an elaborate joke. I watch people I know and knew progressing in life (many who certainly were not brighter than me in school) and here is me still stuck here after years and years, having no luck, no happiness and going nowhere. Just not invited to the party.

NotYouAgain NotYouAgain
41-45, M
6 Responses Dec 4, 2009

Do you have any money? If so, I'd suggest going for a visit to Uganda. I'm serious. Most of the people there don't have much in the way of material goods, but they have a richness of spirit, a kindness, generosity and just authentic happiness that I have found amazing. I've been there twice. The first time a year ago for a month, the second time for 3 months, and I just got back a little over a month ago. I can't wait to go back this July!

your not selfish at all just honest it is what it is everyman for himself ...

Certainly I can relate. And unfortunately it does not get better with time. And these experiences only repeat themselves, so that one can never heal. The best advice I can give is to learn to live with "it". Try to enjoy small things and if you have any interests, pursue them. So sorry.

I agree hi mi name is monica im 21 my life is sooo horrible i went to foster care wen i was six gt out wen i was 18 i neva been in school like that because foser care move me almost every month i was rape neglect and neva had no love in school i was homeless for a yeae after i gt out of foster care my mood swing are out of control one second im happy then im depress cant have a realationship because of mi mood so ge thinks im crazy so all he did was beat me an call me bad names and made me deel even wrost about everythimg i tried to get help but they told me they could help me mi mom is stiff neck dwn mi dad neva met him all i have is me and mi olda sister but i got on this exprience project to let people know their nt the only ones

So much pain in the world. Maybe it's growing pain?

I know how you feel.

feel the same. was so until he walked into my life, cared for me and convinced he loved me so and i was convinced. then lots of broken promises and i thought it best to move on and cut the connections and now i'm all alone and miserable and negative and lost. what he made me see about love and hope, he took it all with him.