It's Really Hard Right Now.

I'm 30 and single. Not only am I single, I've never had a boyfriend or even a date. I went to an all-girl's high school over an hour away from my home with very small classes and equally small cliques. I made friends in high school, but all three of them transferred to different schools leaving me alone. The remaining ladies in my class either ignored me or were thoughtlessly cruel – in that school we took turns baking a small cake and making a card for each girl for her birthday and the year I turned 16, they took a vote and decided to give my birthday cake to a teacher who had recently returned from vacation. When Senior Skip Day rolled around, we were forbidden by the administration to take the entire day off so a decision was made to cut a study period instead. The class was made up of 17 girls; somehow, everyone forgot to tell me. When I went to college I made friends and had a normal social life for the first time. In college was pretty much the closest I ever came to having a romantic relationship. After being friends for about a year with Guy # 1, we had a talk revealing our mutual romantic feelings and decided to start casually dating. The next morning he came to me and told me he had changed his mind, he wasn't ready for a relationship. While I was hurting from that situation, I met Guy 2. Guy 2 was smooth and charming, the touch-your-face-he-sings-to-you kind of charming. He was my first kiss and I thought everything was fine, until a mutual friend informed me that he had a girlfriend of 2 years. I confronted him about the situation, and he told me I was a phase he was going through, that I had issues for being upset with him, and that he didn’t see why I should be upset. Of course, there was no apology. Guy 3 was a good friend for several years until the day I decided to be mature and brave and confess that I had developed feelings for him. He said that maybe we could go out to dinner the next night and that he would call me. He never called. Unfortunately at that time in my life I was not interested in my kind, respectful guy friends who expressed interest in me. I graduated from college recently (due to an illness, I took several leaves of absence from college so I took a little longer than most) and none of my friends came. Not one. That evening I wanted to go out and celebrate, I wanted to share my joy, but no one was around to share it with. Only one of my friends even contacted me that day. All of my friends have moved out of state except one. I’ve been friends with him for 4 years, but over the past two weeks he’s started acting distant to the point of rudeness. Tonight he’s having a party, and he chose not to invite me. Six friends and three acquaintances have gotten engaged over the last four months. Two others have gotten married with two more to come this year, and three are newly pregnant. I’m intelligent, compassionate, patient, and I’ve been told I’m very attractive. Somehow, I can’t get the social aspect of my life quite where I want it. Now one third of my life is gone, and time is starting to get short if I want to have children of my own. I’ve never felt so alone in my life.
laurelai laurelai
26-30, F
3 Responses Feb 13, 2010

Hello laurelai, first I apology because I dont have some helpful advice on my comment, I was passing by and I read your story, and I only wanted to tell you this: dont give up your hopes.<br />
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Maybe (probably) that doesnt help you but you can at least know there is always someone that cares about you, even if a total stranger. In this site you will probably find many of these :)<br />
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I dont know how is your personality or your looks to judge, but I can tell you this, only the fact that you are here and shared your story makes you someone worthy of looking at.<br />
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Take care.

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l have experience like you hope we could chat my email is jabu24@hotmail.com,lmin england,hpe to hear from u soon