I Hate Titles.

A lot of this is copied from a previous post in a very tiny group.  I just couldn't bear typing it all out again.


- I'm an adult in my late 20s with such severe anxiety and depression issues that I can't work, go to school, or really leave the house. I still live with my mom, and in all likelihood will never live independently.

- My dad, the only person who really understood me, died a month ago unexpectedly. His cancer treatment weakened his heart and he just died out of nowhere. I was doing his at-home nursing care.

- I'm in love with three people at once, none of whom give a crap about me. They used to, but they got tired of me. Admittedly I'm not an easy person to be friends with, but two of them I've never shown anything but love and kindness to.  (One of them I fight with a lot, so I understand, but we used to be best friends anyway.)  One of them stopped talking to me because I told him I liked him and felt like I had been used and lied to - I wasn't yelling or angry, I just wanted some time to sort through my feelings, he said okay, answered one of my emails after that (which was about the holidays, not anything relevant) and then stopped speaking to me.  This after he was forever telling me how wonderful and special I was to him, how I was one of very few people he could tell anything to, how hot he thought I was.  Apparently I couldn't have meant that much to him if at the first sign of the friendship taking a little work, he completely abandons me.  The second is getting married, more on that later.  The third is still nice as can be, but she has no time for me.  I hear from her maybe every few weeks, if that.  I don't know, maybe I'm not in love with them any more, because I feel nothing but sadness and disgust when I talk to them.  But I still feel like I want to be with them. I don't know. 

- My best (and only) friend is marrying someone who hates me. He's tired of me because my mental issues make me really difficult to talk to for very long, and gets mad at me for being so negative. Which is fair enough but it's breaking my heart because we used to be so close and I still love him more than anything in the world.  I told him I was in love with him, but I don't think that's really true, because I don't think we'd be a good couple.  I just don't want him to love someone more than me, because he's the most important person in my world.  

- I've had to give up pretty much everything I ever enjoyed because it all reminds me of people I loved who left me. 

- I was falsely accused of the most heinous crime known to mankind by a bunch of internet vigilantes, and even though it's completely untrue, I'm harassed constantly because of it.  For god's sake, I leave the house to take out the garbage and do chores that my mother isn't capable of doing, nothing more.  I could never hurt anyone even if I wanted to!  (Which I don't; I would kill myself before I harmed an innocent person.)


So, yeah, long story short, I'm alone.  Honestly I don't really want to go on living.  I try to make friends, but I just don't like most people very much.  (I'm not a snob or anything, I don't think I'm better than they are; I just don't feel interested in talking to most people.)

missyfin missyfin
26-30, F
2 Responses Feb 14, 2010

Wow, your story sounds so close to mine. I'm mid-twenties, still living with my parents (I have agoraphobia and extreme anxiety, mixed with depression from being such a waste). I found your profile or whatever from googling about suicide stuff and I'm kind of surprised to find someone in a situation so close to my own.<br />
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I would offer to talk, but I guess you have to pay for the ability to private message on here? Jeez. And I'm a little nervous about giving out my MSN address or whatever, so... I don't know. I'm not sure talking would really help either of us, I mean.. after all, if I had good advice I wouldn't still be where I am, but I guess there's understand or.. something. If that's even useful.

so would i,message me and well talk and get to know each other,i needs friends