Isolation The Story Of My Life

I don't know how it exactly happened, but I never fitted in well with other kids when I was younger. Perhaps I wasn't around them enough when I was young. I was treated as an idiot when I was in primary school. I rebelled in my own ways. In high school again I was cast aside, there was no one like me even in the slightest. They followed their so called "cool" trends pointlessly while I spent most my time silent analyzing life and their pointless ways. As I look back I wish I was more outspoken, more willing to stand up against such stupidity. Perhaps I could of changed some of them. However time went on in its usual boring way. I found my self only making very few friends. Those friends that I did make I showed utmost loyalty and shared deep thoughts that others just ignore. I guess one good thing came out of my isolation and that was a deeper understanding than most. Because I interacted with others in small numbers I found it very difficult to talk to larger groups of people. Their behaviour is entirely different, I often end up challenging them to the point that they have been offended. The few friends that I did make have gone their separate ways now or have changed too much for me to consider them worthy.

I am alone.


dreamer333 dreamer333
22-25, M
7 Responses Feb 16, 2010

That's right I can talk to a group of people and in fact I think I am pretty good at it. However it usually is in a formal setting (eg. giving a tutorial class). The point is, it is difficult to divert conversations from mindless chitchat (at least too much of it) when there is a group of people (unless they are there in a formal context).<br />
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I sort of understand what you mean by level of being. But I don't like to think about it as levels. There is no clearly defined up or down. Having an up or down suggests a direction and a direction arises when there is a goal in mind (and goals are arbitrary). I'm finding it hard to explain myself but I hope you can make some sense of that.

:) <br />
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I had to laugh a bit : you insult them? That's really really funny! <br />
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It's hard to keep friends, that is very true. Everybody has their own life, and it's hard to always have the same connection with people, who also change, next to yourself.<br />
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But be aware that you aren't the only one! SO many people have trouble talking to crowds, but you can learn that. I used to know this guy who you just couldn't "just talk to". He started to shake so heavily when he needed to present himself to a group of 5 people. He had to stand up too. It was terribly cute to see it all happening, I think he thinks that too now. Because he followed some courses, and nowadays has this job as an opticien, talking to unknown people and small groups for everyday life. Annyyywayy, to keep it short, google some, read some, you'll get there. No problem. If you can talk with 1, you can talk with all. The real problem would start at, if you couldn't talk with any :p. <br />
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Anyway, the problem isn't talking I think. You are on a very different level. Especially for 22 year old students, it must be hard to cope with your level of being :p. I have it too.

Thank you very much for your kind words XVII.<br />
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Finding people with a similar mindset is difficult. I can appreciate new people, but if they haven't woken up (as you put it) I get bored of them fairly quickly. Also I seem to only connect deeply and only with few people. I find it difficult to talk to a group of people in a deep meaningful way so I avoid it (or I end up stirring things up so much (in an attempt to wake them up) that I insult someone). Those few friends that I do make aren't always easy to keep, because things change. I think this is how I have ended up pretty much on my own now.<br />
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Though it is good to know that there are people like you, XVII. Thank you.

Your being amazes me. How could a guy like you, so smart, sensitive, spiritual, probably romantic aswell, be alone. You are lovely. <br />
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I think the only thing you need is that right push forward. Around your (our) age, people tend to wake up from those predefined mass mindsets, and there are people like us who have never been in it. I think you need to find you some people who have the same mindset, or maybe try to appreciate new kinds of people. <br />
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I wish you fun, love, laughter and sweet surprizes :)

Don't get me wrong I'm pretty happy. I just wish I could have deep meaningful conversations with someone. I am pretty positive and believe things will fall into place eventually. I suggest you (MissHeartBrokenHurt) also cultivate a positive outlook on life. There are many good reasons for doing so, even just for your health.

I some what feel the same pain u feel. I am shocked because I didn't think that there was anyone like me at all. I am a high school senior. Me and my "so called" friends are the same way. I lernt I couldnt trust them no matter what and how much they begged but I would for some odd reason "vent" to one friend and in turn he told me I was depressed and needed medication for it. I normally don't get invited to hang out with them anymore too! I normally spend my afternoons locked in my room on the computer, now most of the time. and deep down I want more out of life that I dont have.

Not a chance.