How Do I Find A Balance?

I've always been a loner. I've only had a few friends total throughout my life. As of now I only have 2. The thing is, if I'm not secluding myself from people. then I'm caring and pouring all my energy into my friends. I can't seem to find a balance between being a friend, and being alone. I want to be more social, and I want to be liked. I don't think I'm a bad person, but it seems like I just don't have anything to offer people that they want. I'm an extremely loyal friend, and once someone is close to me, it takes A LOT for them to mess up badly enough for me to leave them. Lately, I've found myself growing tired of caring so much about people (my friends) that I'm starting to withdraw. I don't want to shut out the world, but that's what I'm starting to do. I don't want to go out, I don't want to talk to people. I truly want to learn to be happy with just being alone, but it's not happening. I find myself loathing the way I am, but at the same time I do see redeemable qualities in me. I'm just confused. I want nothing more than to just be happy. Problem is, the last time I was truly satisfied was when I was in 7th grade, and other than that, when I had my best friend, whom I no longer talk to because we tried dating, and my love for him persisted when his didn't. I don't even care if I'm not happy, I just want to at least be content, and not dread waking up everyday. 

KelseyRo KelseyRo
22-25, F
6 Responses Feb 23, 2010

I used to feel just like you! But over the years I have found that if you are happy with yourself, alone or someone, it is ok. I too have very few friends, but the ones I have are there through thick and thin. I like being alone, even though it is lonely sometimes. But NEVER settle for less than you think you deserve! It will come, just be happy with yourself and be yourself.

Haha I love cheesecake!

Just have cheesecake.<br />
Cheesecake always helps.<br />
Always.

I am 25 and feel the same way, and have felt the same way all of my life. I know I'm a good person but I find it difficult to express it in a way for people to see and appreciate. Sometimes I try to think of how I can possibly carry on a subsistence living with just my dog in my house and never stepping outside.

Hey...I can kinda relate to your feelings. Ive figured out lately that what I actutully am is a (HSI) = Highly Sensitive Individual. Its a gift that only a small minority are born with. We go through life feeling out & different,just wanting 2 fit in. Yet we ourselfs actually prefer solitute because it feels that nobody really thinks,feels or looks at life like we do. Try googling HSI and see what you come up with. It could be quite an eyeopener.as it was for me

:) I have been. I'm glad I found this site. I never would have known that my feelings are not only unique me