Recent Revelations & Meghan

Recently, I have come to realize what a lonely person I am.

I am usually good at most things I do/try, but lying to myself and suppressing my emotions are definitely in my top 5.

About 3 months ago, a young lady from my past contacted me. Her name is Meghan and she is my best friend from middle school's wife. My friend and Meghan had a kid the summer after my first semester of college, but I don't think she ever full loved him.

We have always had strong feelings for each other (since meeting in 2002 or 2003) but in 2007, out of nowhere she flipped out on me and told me she never wanted to talk to me again. Being the person who can throw my feelings to the bottom of the Hudson river with concrete shoes on, I dealt with it and just pushed the feelings of pain down to the deep and dark depths of my soul.

For the first 6 weeks we started talking to each other, I felt alive again for the first time in ages. I have been single for some years now and out of college for almost 2 years. I was the life of the party in college, I did the fraternity thing, lived in the house, threw all of the parties, bossed around pledges and everyone knew me. I was constantly surrounded by superficial friends, girls, alcohol, and recreational drugs. This really helped shield who I was from myself and past heart breaks.

About a month ago Meghan started to taper off. Her husband is abusive and he found out that we have been talking. They are seperated but he is a spoiled control freak with no concept of anything but his own selfishness.

The whole point of this story is that I have been great as suppressing everything and wearing a mask to the world where people only know me as this crazy party guy that people didn't even know his real name for years, just by his nickname. Unfortunately, recent decision make it hard to take a while and figure out what I want out of life, but I look forward to in the future.

pacecorps pacecorps
22-25, M
Feb 23, 2010