I'm A Lonely Homosexual

I was born a homosexual. Im a male and I like men, which doesn't mean I'd like to have anal sex or that I behave effeminate. What most people need to understand is that homosexuality does not mean being a "***" (against which I dont have anything, just couldn't find a better word). I behave completely normally for a male. I feel very lonely from times to times because I have this huge urge to love but I'm "forbidden" by society and I have no idea where I could find a partner. I hope I will someday. 

It feels awful to have to forbid yourself of being with others you feel attracted to. People who make jokes or say bad things about homosexuals will pay with their own regret when they see  its not like that, or have to live a homosexual life in the future.

In my religion one has several encarnations, and the reason for encarnating in a body is either to learn something new, to go through a provation/punishment or help others improve. In my case I'd exclude the punishment option because I dont see it that way. Being homosexual is really not a punishment (in fact, I thank God for giving me the ability to love, independently if the one loved is male or female). It could be for learning. Maybe I've had prejudice in my past life and now Im going through this to know that prejudice against homosexuals is IGNORANCE and the proof that any religion that doesn't accept homosexuals are imoral and false. I think I've been sent to earth like this to help change this situation, help others see that any kind of prejudice is wrong and stupid.

The world is always progressing in a way or another. Right now we are progreeding technologically, but our moral is still very limited. Time to start changing it. I'd like to recommend The Book of Spirits, by Allan Kardec. I swear it will change your life, INDEPENDENTLY of what situation you're in. This book is so powerful that it does not matter what hole you're in right now, after you read it, you will be completely thankful for your hole. I swear. 

You can find this book for sale on amazon or ebay. Most book stored dont have it in stock, so you might have to order. 

Do read it, no kidding. 

ersterzweiter ersterzweiter
18-21, M
3 Responses Feb 25, 2010

I'm going through the same thing. One would think that being from New York City and attending a university would create the perfect situation to find someone, but it hasn't happened yet. As a matter of fact, it hasn't even come close. I know that it's not easy to tell my sexuality since I don't fit the desc<x>ription of what a typical person of my sexuality is "supposed" to act like so if there is anyone that I may have a chance with, they would never know. I was starting to think that I'm the only one going through this so it's definitely refreshing to know that there are others who are going through the same thing. I contemplated just telling everyone about my sexuality but I honestly am not comfortable with everyone knowing my personal life. I'm not ashamed and I am not confused. I have nothing against effeminate homosexual men/women and I consider myself fairly open-minded. But the loneliness is a killer. Not having any affection; not being able to express love or feel the love someone else can have for me is, in my opinion, becoming unhealthy. After nearly 21 years of never even experiencing my first kiss, it becomes overwhelmingly upsetting. From my point of view, I am not an unattractive guy and I stay in shape so I figured it must be something else. Maybe my personality. But I think it's most likely that IF there are others like me out there, they simply don't know about me and I don't know about them. Thank you for your post.

Sorry I took so long to answer, school's been really hard on us lately. It is not that my country (I live in Southern Brazil, which is pretty different from the rest of Brazil in a good way) that is homophobic. If you ask anyone on the streets they'll tell you they have no problems with homosexuals, but if one of their children comes out to be one they would freak out. like my parents would. <br />
The Brazilian people is very simple-minded (dont wanna criticize, just sayin the truth) and its not their fault there is no public education. Coming back from Europe (I spent one year there as an exchange student) was really hard for me. They don't think of making support groups, talking about it on the media (Brazilian TV is worst than ****, believe me. The quality is great, digital signal is not only for the very rich but the themes on TV are just awful), they make no monuments to stop prejudice, corruption is extremely high, etc. <br />
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I'd really love to be with someone, I hope that day comes as soon as possible. Its just so awful to be alone.

You sound like an intelligent, thoughtful person who any man would be lucky to have! What country do you live in that is so anti-gay? If you're in the USA there's almost certainly a support network of some sort for young gay people wherever you might be. <br />
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I'll look for that book. I hope you're right about your life's purpose, because the world needs more people like that. Good luck to you.