Lonely And Depressed With No Light At The End Of The Tunnel


Don’t you just love those corny Christmas commercials where everyone is surrounded by friends and family and life is so great for them that they can hardly stand it? They really make me gag. I spent Christmas starring at the walls of my apartment. There were no family or friends. It was the longest and most loneliest day that I've ever had the "pleasure" of experiencing and unfortunately it was just a hint of what is yet to come in my life.

My mom past away in April of ninety five, and my dad which I've never really had a great relationship with, is now in a nursing home. He's eighty years old. I've put the past behind me, and every chance that I get, I go and see him. But with limited cash, no vehicle and being in another town, it doesn't happen very often.

I have two sisters and no brothers. My oldest sister is adopted and has completely disassociated herself from myself and my other sister. My biological sister and I have never been close either, and in spite of trying so many times to establish a closer relationship with her, it just never happened.

I've been separated now for five years, and I have three sons from that relationship. They are twenty one, eighteen, and sixteen, and they all live with their mother in another city. My two youngest sons were living with me for awhile, but when it came time for them to help me out with cleaning and stuff, they instead moved back in with their mother where everything would be done for them once again. And like always, their mother subsided with them and made me out to be the evil doer.

I always have to make the effort to call them and when I do, they simply reply with no attempt to initiate a conversation, and they're always too happy to end the conversation. Their mother is slowly turning them against me.

I'm on a disability, so my money is tight. Their mother is remarrying a man with a good trade and just recently came heir to an inheritance from her parents. I can't compete with that and my sons know this. My health isn't the best both psychologically and physically, so I just couldn't do it all myself although it was expected of me.

My relationship with my oldest son is a bit better. He’s starting to see his mother for what she is. We chat on the phone quite often, but I haven’t seen him for months, and chances are, I won’t get the chance to see him for quite sometime to come.

I’ve got one close friend, but he’s got a family of his own, so we don’t get to hang out too often.

So here I am, alone and depressed with little to no hope in sight.

It’s getting to the point where it’s getting harder and harder just to continue on living, or should I say existing…

Thanx for taking the time to read this.  It means a lot to me...

ssbigbear ssbigbear
46-50, M
2 Responses Feb 26, 2010

Thanx Hugglebear, but I think you may have misread it a bit. I'm their dad...lol<br />
But I know that you mean well and that's all that counts...

Sorry to hear all of that. Personally, I would never just turn against my mother. I'm just 16 myself, and I can see how much that could hurt you. Nothing much I can say besides I'm sorry.