I Have No Human Contact Anymore
i (stupidly) moved out of state because my son wanted me to be closer to him and his family. i was living in a hotel for the prior 3 1/2 yrs. you'd think THAT would be a pretty lonely life, huh? well...not compared to my life now. at least at the hotel there was always someone around, on the occasion that i wanted human contact, to chit chat with. NOT HERE. i'm out in the middle of no where. i live 13 miles from my son and his family now. when i lived in the hotel i was 50 miles away. he wanted me to move closer then, saying it was all my fault that i wasn't getting to know my new grand daughter. then they moved up here. at my age, i purchased my first home, and you'd think that i still lived 50 miles away. on the other hand, it's not his fault that i made such a rash decision. it's mine. the problems come in when i really start resenting him for this mistake that i made, and i really don't know how not to resent him for this mess that i'm in now. all i really want to do is go back to my little hotel room with my "sometimes" friends. the area that i moved into is a very depressed area too. so there's no chance that i could even break even for this house, if i did sell it. i've only been here for 3 1/2 months. when he (my son) was young, i remember running my tail off with him, to be sure that he knew all of his relatives living anywhere i could get to??? now, i'm old and evidently it's still my job?? i just don't get that either? i have 5 siblings which i haven't spoken to in about 5 years. they are all greedy, nasty people and i had just had enough of them making the last few yrs. of my mom's life a living hell. i have a few friends back in the state i moved from, but they all have their family's and lives, so i get the occasional e-mail, but that's it. and...no matter how much i write about how lonely i am...it's really NOT helping at all? it just brings it ALL back up to the surface again. i need to figure out someway to get my own life up here. i'm hoping that when the weather breaks, i'll be better able to meet ANYONE living anywhere near me? wish me luck, 'cause if i don't talk to a human being soon, i'll die. i DO have pets though. 3 cats, and a dog. i really think they're keeping me sane right now? man, that's an awful lot to put on a few animals, huh? hell, i even went to an unlimited cell phone plan, so people could call me. guess i'll just go back to pay-as-you-go. (this is my strange sense of humor coming in to play now...my gramma used to sing to us, "nobody likes me, everybody hates me, guess i'll go eat worms.", when any of us started crabbing like this when we were young! ha-ha!! i used to have relatives that i loved (and miss) very much, just not anymore.