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I Have No Human Contact Anymore

i (stupidly) moved out of state because my son wanted me to be closer to him and his family.  i was living in a hotel for the prior 3 1/2 yrs.  you'd think THAT would be a pretty lonely life, huh?  well...not compared to my life now.  at least at the hotel there was always someone around, on the occasion that i wanted human contact, to chit chat with.  NOT HERE.  i'm out in the middle of no where.  i live 13 miles from my son and his family now.  when i lived in the hotel i was 50 miles away.  he wanted me to move closer then, saying it was all my fault that i wasn't getting to know my new grand daughter.  then they moved up here.  at my age, i purchased my first home, and you'd think that i still lived 50 miles away.  on the other hand, it's not his fault that i made such a rash decision.  it's mine.  the problems come in when i really start resenting him for this mistake that i made, and i really don't know how not to resent him for this mess that i'm in now.  all i really want to do is go back to my little hotel room with my "sometimes" friends.  the area that i moved into is a very depressed area too.  so there's no chance that i could even break even for this house, if i did sell it.  i've only been here for 3 1/2 months.  when he (my son) was young, i remember running my tail off with him, to be sure that he knew all of his relatives living anywhere i could get to???  now, i'm old and evidently it's still my job??  i just don't get that either?  i have 5 siblings which i haven't spoken to in about 5 years.  they are all greedy, nasty people and i had just had enough of them making the last few yrs. of my mom's life a living hell.  i have a few friends back in the state i moved from, but they all have their family's and lives, so i get the occasional e-mail, but that's it.  and...no matter how much i write about how lonely i am...it's really NOT helping at all?  it just brings it ALL back up to the surface again.  i need to figure out someway to get my own life up here.  i'm hoping that when the weather breaks, i'll be better able to meet ANYONE living anywhere near me?  wish me luck, 'cause if i don't talk to a human being soon, i'll die.  i DO have pets though.  3 cats, and a dog.  i really think they're keeping me sane right now?  man, that's an awful lot to put on a few animals, huh?  hell, i even went to an unlimited cell phone plan, so people could call me.  guess i'll just go back to pay-as-you-go.  (this is my strange sense of humor coming in to play now...my gramma used to sing to us, "nobody likes me, everybody hates me, guess i'll go eat worms.", when any of us started crabbing like this when we were young!  ha-ha!!  i used to have relatives that i loved (and miss) very much, just not anymore.

cittykat0918 cittykat0918 51-55, F 6 Responses Mar 1, 2010

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you are not alone hugs

Hey, never give up hope x



I havent been as alone as long as you have, but when i lived on my own, there was one stage where i saw no one AT ALL , or talked to anyone for months, i didnt even have a pet to annoy :-)



I cant tell you how to get out of it, all i can say is one day, you'll sit down and realize its changed. people will almost magically appear and you will not be alone



ive had a few relapses, as today for example, was the only time in a while ive been completely alone for 2 days, and i broke down, remembering the past, but luckily i had a new friend who came round and calmed me down . it makes me more appreciative of the people round me than others as its not always been a given



So all i can suggest is be strong, get out there and watch as your live changes, WHICH IT WILL



you sounds a very strong character for lasting this long, so im sure you're capable of lasting until the end



Good Luck xx



Just wanted to let you know there's hope, and you're not the only one x

Hey, never give up hope x



I havent been as alone as long as you have, but when i lived on my own, there was one stage where i saw no one AT ALL , or talked to anyone for months, i didnt even have a pet to annoy :-)



I cant tell you how to get out of it, all i can say is one day, you'll sit down and realize its changed. people will almost magically appear and you will not be alone



ive had a few relapses, as today for example, was the only time in a while ive been completely alone for 2 days, and i broke down, remembering the past, but luckily i had a new friend who came round and calmed me down . it makes me more appreciative of the people round me than others as its not always been a given



So all i can suggest is be strong, get out there and watch as your live changes, WHICH IT WILL



you sounds a very strong character for lasting this long, so im sure you're capable of lasting until the end



Good Luck xx



Just wanted to let you know there's hope, and you're not the only one x

m-actually i contacted 2 different shelters to volunteer for them. i never got any response from either of them. not a good sign, huh? no one even wants my free time?

medomai-i'm really happy that you're out of that situation now. i'm glad that you had a mom that cared enough about you to come and support you through the move back. all of the relatives that i ever loved are now gone. my mom just died 2 yrs. ago, but i hadn't talked to her in yrs. either. it wouldn't have mattered either way though, she never cared enough to try and understand anything i have ever gone through. my life has always been hard. maybe that's how i got through it all? there was never enough time to consider all the bad things happening to me. now, on the other hand, i sit and watch tv all day, and do nothing but consider my life. i'm not young anymore and i don't have the energy to start a new life. maybe that's the biggest problem? i just don't have the energy anymore?

Medomai-thank you so very much for the kind note. it does sound like we have a lot in common. you don't mention how long ago this all happened in your life. if it was a while back, can you tell me how you got away from this loneliness? if it's all just recently...i'm so sorry that anyone feels like i do right now. i just can't believe how bad i really feel. it was so nice to get an e-mail that wasn't from my yahoo calender, reminding me to put out the garbage, or do the laundry, etc. i've just found this "group" so i have no idea how to go about contacting you individually. i hope you are able to see this. i am VERY grateful for your note.