Most Of The Time

Most of the time I feel fine. I'm not so lonely as I used  to be. I miss him still. I do, but he is gone and I am moving on. Sometimes, though, lonliness hits me like a wave when I'm just sitting here remembering those days and trying work things out in my head. I used to work things out with him. Things were easier then. Two heads better than one....I guess the saying goes. I'm better now , really. I just wish that sometimes I would get out of my own head and just do what I know I must do. I am not proud of myself, I am not doing everything I should be to keep things on track. I know I should be, but somehow lack the motivation or the desire. I don't know why. I'm trying to find it. I guess this is just a hard time of year for me. It represents some life changing times in my life that were very...... extraordinary. Some good and ........not. I guess that's enough of that.

theredlady theredlady
41-45, F
20 Responses Mar 2, 2010

Thank you Wolfie! I don't feel lonely with friends like you,

IMad3 and Mak3.... thank you so much! You have no idea what that means to me. *tears up*.....

Hey there Iusedto!... Good to see you I hope you're well.<br />
<br />
I do understand sweetooth about lonliness. Been there a long time. As far as people being a disappointment... not all of them. Sure things change, they always will. It gets better when you accept the change.<br />
If you look at all people as a disappointment you will find just that. Look for the positive and good in them. They have that too. Look for that and you will find someone who will not disappoint you. There will be disappointments, but there will also be great things.

Me too Red, me too.

well they say time heals...and i suppose that it will but i feel changed forever, im not the same person anymore, im not able to be the carefree happy go lucky type, life is serious now, i have a dependant child with no support not even my family. I t made me wise up quick smart about what people are about-most a dissapointment all round. Thats one of the reasons i choose loneliness over 'pretend relationships" hope you know there is nothing wrong with you, perhaps you can get where im coming from and have a realistic idea about people too?. Take care therelady, i hope you find whatever it is you are seeking

I realized this truth once because of a friend of mine in a similar situation. I go on knowing I won't see my love .. at least not in this life, but to lose someone you love because they leave, that has to be worse. knowing they are out there. No you are not alone. It's not an easy thing to overcome.

youre not alone in how you feel, i totally identify with it. I think you are depressed, thats what my Dr said to me. Its hard to find initiative and I dont know how long this lasts i just wish the cloud would lift. When my partner walked out on me at 3 months pregnant, it was if he died, but the fact hes alive makes it all the worse. ive since moved on (with our 4 year old) but that feeling still remains...thanks for sharing, its a relief im not alone, even though at times i feel terribly alone...

LOL thanks *hugs back*

Seriously, sending you a tight tight hug!

Thanks bperry.. I guess that's why I stay here. For these moments that I know are coming... like now.

I understand about the wave of loneliness. And Motivation is often hard to come by. I spend way too much time in my head, and am not nearly as efficient as I think i should be. I decided to give myself a free pass on a lot of that 'should' stuff for awhile, and it has helped.<br />
You know you are going to have downer moments when you just wish you would do more but you can't seem to get going. My wife and I used to call it a 'lack of interest' period. Its good to share these feelings, so your friends can tell you how wonderful you are and maybe change your perspective a bit. For what its worth, you have succeeded in changing my perspective, and I'm grateful for that . As always, wishing you the best,

thanks frito... I hope so...

Be gentle with yourself...I don't know you well but the bit I do know seems kind and caring and you have experienced a profound loss...grieving is so different for everyone and there's no set timetable...if you need to "flounder" a bit you may need to in order to may well be part of your grieving deserve your own kindness and love. :)

I'm trying not to Empty..... really I am. I just don't feel very strong.... not at all. <br />
I have been floundering for a while now..... it seems. I am pretty good most of the time, but lately.... it just seems futile

You do not fail, because you are doing the best you can. So many people would have given up long ago and let life get the better of them. Maybe you're thinking of giving in too, but I get the feeling you're stronger than that. You're an amazing woman, TRL. You will never fail in any of your endeavours.

*sigh*..... I wish I knew for sure... feels like everything I do is for nothing..... the more I do, the less I accomplish. I can't fix my house or buy my kids the things I used to..... My son didn't tell me about some band and boyscout stuff going on because they involve money......I can't provide as well as John did. ..... I fail.....

(8) You are not alone, <br />
for I am here with you.<br />
Though we're far apart<br />
You're always in my heart (8)<br />
<br />
I don't know why you're feeling the way you do, TRL, only you know that. But you are most certainly not failing at life.

Yeah... I suppose... I just feel like I'm failing at life in general... it's hard to explain.

Red, you should be proud of yourself! You've kept your family together, and judging by your stories, you're raising happy, well adjusted children. I think you have a lot to be proud of!

Thank you Bruce... I needed that...