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Lonely Friday Night

I don't know how I end up back where I started... I guess nothing ever changed... fundamentally.



Let me rant out my situation here. I am currently with my 1st gf. We've been together for almost 7 months. I developed a very strong attachment to her. I fell in love with her... I truely did. I put her happiness above everything (they say one never forgets his/her first love, I now know what that means).



She doesn't have a car available, and I drive to her as often as possible to visit. It's an hour away... which isn't too bad. I do hate driving though, I just can't tolerate the time I waste while driving... yikes. Even so, that was fairly difficult for me. I miss her so much when I'm not seeing her. I know it's not healthy, but I am incredibly attached to her.



Though one giant problem is coming: grad school. I applied only to the best schools in US. I got into all of them (My record was over the top... I knew the result pretty much before I applied). Though my girl didn't get into any of them.

 

My girl got into her top choice (a rather surprising result), but that school is 4 hours away from any of my choices. She seems determined to go there. I regretted everyday not applying to her top choice. I don't know what the f*** was wrong with my head. Maybe I was being arrogant... In fact, I realized the problem right after that deadline was past... and I somehow knew it was going to happen. I'm a fool and an idiot. Maybe I should've applied either way just to see... perhaps the school would've considered even after the deadline because of my record. I'm a f***ing idiot for not doing that, it's too late now. She did get into other decent schools (though quite a bit below her top choice). If she chooses any of them, we will be able to live together during grad school years.



To me, going to a lower tier school is much easier than holding a 4 hour long distance relationship. Yes, I know it sounds superficial. I'm a very lonely person and seeing my girl makes all my trouble go away. Perhaps I've become too reliant on her... anyway, I'm faced with this giant problem: 4 hours long distance relationship. I admit it could've been much worse, and to many, this isn't that big of a deal, but the thought of not being able to see her that often makes me incredibly upset.



As much as I hate to consider it... I thought of breaking up with her. I don't want her to sacrifice her career for me. At the same time, it'll be 5+ years long distance and without definite end (more for post doc study potentially). This will certainly drive me insane! I can barely handle the distance currently... and if problem arises during my grad school studies, all hell will break loose. My academic career will certainly be doomed to fail.



I don't konw what to do. My girl doesn't seem to be willing to compromise, and I know my requests seem rather unreasonable (yeah, it's only 4 hours driving one way). But I can't help it, I love her on the one hand, but I cannot handle the pain of not seeing her on the other hand. The only two options left are either try it or break it up. I feel incredibly lonely and selfish... I can't take this conflict building inside me anymore... I keep thinking I should breakup with her already since I am clearly having doubts already and am unlikely to provide the love she needs... I'm such a coward... Perhaps if I break up with her, she will choose the best career path for her without any bias.



I feel sick... I feel my stupidity of not applying to her school has doomed me entirely.... I feel incredibly lonely this Friday night...

deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Mar 5, 2010

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iTS A LONG AND LEARNING SITUATION EVERY TIME WE ARE FACED WITH SOME SORT OF A CRISIS IN OUR LIVES. i CAN SYMPATHIZE WITH YOU OVER THE DRIVING BECAUSE i DRIVE A hgv ARTIC TUCK UP TO sCOTLAND NEARLY EVERY NIGHT. hOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE FACED WITH THAT TIME AFTER TIME. 400 MILES AT 56MPH, 9 HOURS OF DRIVING SLOWLY IN A STRAIGHT LINE. gOD! i VE JUST JOINED YOU IN THE SADHOUSE.

yOU ARE STILL YOUNG MY FRIEND AND AS TIME GRINDS ON YOU WILL LOOK BACK AND DISCOVER THAT EVERYTHING SORTS ITSELF OUT EVENTUALLY. THAT IS THE TRUTH.

I TOO HAVE BEEN TRAPPED IN AN EMOTIONAL WEB OF LOVE AND VALOUR. mY WOMAN WORSHIPPED ME FOR EIGHT YEARS FAIRLY HAPPY YEARS. tHEN SUDDENLY HER SON DIED AFTER A LONG ILLNESS. i DONT KNOW WHAT HAPPENED BUT FOR SOME REASON SHE LAID ALL HER ANGER OUT ON ME AND i HAD NOTHING WHATSOEVER TO DO WITH HER SON. sHE SPLIT EVENTUALLY, AFTER CHANGING EVERYTHING SHE WAS FIRST. a STRANGE THING TO SEE YOUR LIFE LONG PARTNER WHO WAS ALWAYS TELLING ME SHE COULDNT LIVE WITHOUT MEBEGIN A RELENTLESS SEIGE ON MY SANITY WITH NASTY MESSAGES BEING TEXT TO MY PHONE ALL HOURS OF THE NIGHT ACCUSING ME OF BEING EVIL AND NOT CARING. tHAT WAS FOUR YEARS AGO AND SHE STILL TEXTING ME BUT EVEN NASTIER NOW.

tHE POINT IS, LOVE AND LETTING YOUR HEART HANG ON YOUR SLEEVE LIKE YOU ARE DOING SOMEONE, IN THIS CASE YOUR WOMAN COULD SO EASILY BREAK YOUR HEART AND THERE IS NO FEELING QUITE LIKE YOUR ONLY EVER FRIEND WALKING PAST HOLDING HANDS WITH ANOTHER GUY.

dONT LOSE TOO MUCH SLEEP OVER THIS CHOICE YOU HAVE COME TO. i KNOW, BUT YOU MIGHT NOT LIKE TO AGREE THAT IN FIVE YEARS TIME SHE WILL BE A TOTALLY DIFFERENT PERSON TO THE ONE YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH NOW. yOU WILL NOT HAVE HER FACE IN YOUR HEAD AFTER A YEAR OR TWO. iT WOULD BE IDEAL TO KEEP ON WITH THE DRIVING ALL THE TIME BUT REALLY IT IS FATE AND TIME TELLING YOU TO MAKE LONGER AND LONGER TIMES BETWEEN SEING HER AND IT WILL ALL WORK OUT FOR THE BEST IN THE END. IT MIGHT NOT SEEM TO BE AT THE TIME BUT SHE WOULDNT THANK YOU FOR MAKING HER LIFE MORE COMPLICATED. wOMEN ARE NOT THE FAIRER SEX WHEN IT COMES TO PRACTICALITYS BELIEVE ME. tHEY CAN BE VERY COLD WHEN THEY HAVE TO BE. TAKE IT STEADY AND THINK THAT IF YOU DIDNT HAVE A CAR THE DECISION WOULD BE MADE FOR YOU.

Seriously, I'm not trying to be a butt here, but I gotta ask why did you feel the need to tell us how well you have done and how moderately successful your girlfriend is? Do you really love her, or have you simply acquired a possession? Do you think that resentment will not creep into your picture from one of you sometime, someday?



As far as grad school goes: I have seen more than a few situations like yours. Even if you lived in the same house, there is a strong possibility that things will go south sometime during school. You both will change so much during the next few years, not so much because you are young, but because you are still working on getting your paths set up.



Everyone -- EVERYONE -- I know who got together at a young age and is still with that person now, twenty plus years down the line, was already in their industry (usually the company) before they settled on that person. I would wager that neither of you can say that about yourselves.



Plus, have you thought about where you may go after school? If your programs are all top notch, you may remain in the town where you take your degree, but will you really? Where will she go when she is done?



You both should go where you need to go to get the education you need to get.