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I Hate Being a Single Mother

I have been alone ever since I found out I was pregnant with my daughter at 35.  I have never been married and have no other children.  I thought things were going to be ok because I had a good career, a nice home, and my education behind me.

I have experienced rejection like I never thought was possible.  I only recently started dating again, and no one wants to go out with me because I have a child.  The only guy that was interested is divorced with a daughter, but has a very nasty relationship with his former wife...I don't want that drama in my life or my daughter's.

I never thought that being a single mother would make me that undesirable. I don't need a man for financial support for my daughter, I am ok parenting her alone...but no one wants to go out with me. 

If I thought that my life would be destroyed by this, I may have chose adoption..b/c what good am I as a mother if I am miserable all the time?  I used to be ok being single, but in my age group, no married mothers want anything to do with me...they associate with other married mothers.  I have invited these women to lunch and they always find a reason to decline.  My single girlfriends don't call me for anything because I always have to make arrangements for a sitter.

The one guy I have been seeing has made it clear that we can date, but to never expect anything permanent with him because he didn't want to raise someone else's child.  I find myself still seeing this person because I am so miserable from being alone all of the time, that it's my only outlet to get out of the house and have an adult conversation or enjoyment.

I never, ever in my wildest dreams believed it could be this bad.  It's making me resent my child...and she has done nothing wrong.

nobodycares2014 nobodycares2014 36-40, F 123 Responses Nov 23, 2007

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And yet your too good for the single father haha yeah. Typical single mother syndrome u just want support but won't cook for a kid that ain't yours. Dine in your hell

I am a 24 year old mother of 3 beautiful children...being single and taking things on all by yourself is a very hard, stressful, lonely task to do. But it is also a blessing to watch my kid grow, they are my world and they keep me going, that's for sure. Giving up is not an option in my opinion. Theyare just innocent children that look up to their parents. The hardest part to get through is not having a man to be by my side and support me emotionally...gotta keep your head and and stay strong.

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Hi. I know my situation might seem odd but here goes... I'm a 31yr old male married with 4yr old twins, however i feel like a single parent. I could use some advice with my marriage. I work full time, but for the for years now I've been the parent more involved in our kids life. I make a lot of sacrifices in my personal life fory family. I don't have friends, or any type of social life...I don't have a problem with that as long as my family is happy. For the past few yrs my wife's choices have seemed to benefit her alone.
Our relationship seems to be stagnant to the point where we aren't becoming closer. Dispute the many talks, and countless tactics I've tried over the years.. nothing sees to change. I still very much love my wife and I would never want to give up. Im an American and my wife isnt, we live abroad and being from two different cultures has proven to be more challenging than I expected. I'm ashamed that its taken so long to see the truth but me and my wife seem to be at two different points in our life. As this point in my mife I have everything I've always wanted. Career, wife, kids, Hobie's. However my wife is a different story. Shes had at least 7 jobs last year, most of which she's quit to move onto another job. She quit her latest job which was 10 min from our home, with a great salary for a position an hour from our home. She spends her days off at her mothers instead of at home. It seems our kids think their grandmother is their mother. They miss her a lot and our kids are suffering. We had problems conceiving and at the time, what we have now is all we ever wanted. She's told me several times that she still loves me... But I can't help but read her actions as otherwise. Anyone out there been through something similar?

I feel the same way. I am a mom of two children, 11year old girl, 6 year old boy. Living alone in my two bedroom apartment. Paying the rent, working, paying bills, taking care of the kids, no car. All my friends are busy with their kids and lives and if their not too busy they are with their boyfriends or husbands or family and friends. Even with their coworkers... No one comes to visit me at my house but my boyfriend but thats not often cause he lives miles away from me. My friends say they want to be around but they never are. I live too far away from everyone so they dont want to come visit me. Even my own cousins who live ten minutes away driving with cars, do not come visit me. It hurts, no bad. I dont resent my kids but i truly dislike myself because im just so lonely all the time and i need my boyfriend around so much but he has family and friends he wants to spend time with. I feel I need people around to be happy. My kids keep me busy but as soon as theyre sleep or at school, I'm so down. My friends dont call, dont write, people dont even comment or like my statuses on Facebook. Like I am unimportant. It hurts and I just wish I could stop needing the attention of others to make me feel not so lonely anymore. And the kids are not my boyfriend's kids by the way.

I dont have a lot of money or time to do anything either. Like get pedicures and massages and stuff like that. Where I live, its so cold right now, and i get off so late from work so me and my kids only have enough time to get home and do homework and get ready for bed. The only times I can do things is on weekends but on saturdays most of my time is spent doing all the laundry and cleaning and preparing for the next week so the day is gone and i have no time. i go to church on sunday's and then i have time to actually do something. but i still have my kids, no sitters unless i'm at work. i have no family and friends that will watch them while i take time for myself. i only have late at night when they are sleep.

I know how you feel!! Its a horrible situation to b in, sometimes i wish i could meet someone in the same boat so we could help each other out, but its hard to trust other people. What area do u live in?

The only thing painful about life is that there are individuals who dream of meeting women like you and who would gladly want to be your partner and be a father figure to your child, the CRUELTY of life is that circumstances never brings these together. Thats a mystery i'l never understand

I know you feel bad but you need to get outside of yourself somehow. I used to drink too much when I got divorced and was horrified that I had to go to a 12 step program. But this was the best thing that ever happened to me. Now I have lots of friends and don't think about myself all the time, which was what I needed. I know this doesn't exactly apply to you but there has to be some group, be it Church or some interest that you have where you can be with other people. You need friends now, not a man. I also found cheap counseling and it helped a lot. Forward 10 years and I am happily married. But first, I had to accept my life was garbage and work on myself. Not saying you need it but I wanted to be better than I was and forgot about women for a while. When I got to where I was happy with my life and peaceful and serene inside, women began to show interest. Believe me there is a whole lot more to life than romance. It's overrated.

I'm a 33 yr old single mother to a 15 and 11 year old . I married and divorced young. I hate my life and resent my children for taking away all of my joy. I will never have a better education, never have a job I love , never get to travel and see things while I'm young... And I'll never be able to be with the man I love because he doesn't want to raise another mans family. I dream of running away all the time and starting over fresh. Leaving the girls with my ex husband and never looking back. This is putting me into a very serious depression.
I don't understand why men can do this all the time, but woman aren't allowed to have these kinds of feelings . Let alone act on them. I also don't understand mothers who love being around their kids all the time. I'm not sure if there is something wrong with me or if I'm just not built for motherhood. Sometime I think the only way out is to take my own life.

There must be much more than two paragraphs. Your suicidal thoughts or conciderations are valid to you no matter what others think. Before you decide to kill yourself at least try to get therapy.

It will get better. It will. Just try to find ways to appreciate the kids and spend time with them and just let go of yoru frustrations. do arts and crafts, pray with them, sing with them. it'll be ok. you are strong, you can do this, you can survive! they need you, you need them.

I'm sorry that you're so sad, but did you ever think that your negative attitude and depressing outlook could have something to do with your lack of friends and not so promising dating outlook? It's not always someone else's fault that your life isn't working out. Positivity attracts positivity.

... better get yourself down to the local childrens cancer center & let them know about positivity attracting positivity. Sometimes things don't go well ... for a very long time. Eventually an over taxed well can run dry.

I fully understand where you are coming from. Life for me is becoming pretty much unbearable, my partner of 8 years has left me heart broken, friendless, isolated and I feel I cannot cope. He has left me with no self esteem, and i am already a shy person. I am in desperate need to find someone to talk too...just to have some form of human contact and to make genuine friends. My story is too complex to write about in full deatail, my energy levels are so low to construct my experience in written format. I am a single parent, my youngest is 12 and I am having difficulty at home and at school. I keep asking myself where have I gone wrong in my parenting. I would love to be a part of a single mothers group or group of women which I have had difficulty finding , or even to start one up if anyone is interested. It would be nice to meet for coffee, to talk, to support one another, laugh, cry and create a platform where we could empower each other. I live in south west London.

Too the original post and any other post where you have felt hopeless, can definitely relate... I have a 16 year old and an 8 year old. I am not working at the moment, and the isolation from former friends and family can be difficult. My 16yo sees how others have treated me over the years and it hurts him. Neither of my children's fathers (both ex husbands) have looked back at my children, neither have their families. I am the only one for holidays and birthdays, but I make it work... We make it work. I am 38 y/o and I am yes I get lonely because of the isolation, but not desperate. I have taken myself out when I have the chance, and I do my best to feel grateful for everything and everyday.<br />
People come to me for advice and help, but like many of the single mothers have stated. When it comes to me needing help. No one wants to... Either from women who think their man might want me, or just don't give a damn, or are just waiting for me to break. Things are always a catch 22 when it comes to, so called friends. As for dating.... It is non existent... I too hear how pretty I am, and what a wonderful mother I am. But I also get that condescending attitude or comment from men as to them not wanting to raise anyone else's children. Even older men 20+ years... <br />
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My children are wonderful and they are successful in school and their activities. I am able to attend many of their events, but by myself. It gets lonely, but I am optimistic. As I said, I am okay at times, but I know that by the time my youngest is grown, I will not have any desire to date.... Since I have been my own best friend, and done everything, and been everything for my children. I look forward to my own time and space to just be who I am. The funny thing is my son wants me to have someone in my life, but I recently revealed to him that I have chosen to be by myself, and I will be okay. I too never expected a life like this, but I keep my head up and I keep trying... Do I look for a man, a companion who is accepting of who I am and my children? No... Do I love myself and keep myself up the way that makes me happy? Yes... After all I have learned to be my own best friend. Do I cry and have times where I feel hopeless, or broken? Yes, many times, but I see what is, and not what isn't, I work at this daily, and that is all I can do... While I hope for the best with or without a true friend or companion.

Wow, your story is almost exactly like mine. I am 38 2 boys 17 and 12, same dad. Their father is a bad drug addict and had drug induced schizophrenia. I cried reading this because it all sounded so familiar. My Kids are also amazing both making straight A's taking honors classes, my oldest as long as he takes his meds- he has really bad ADHD
He also remembers every single dude I dated after his father and I divorced. And my last fiance over a year ago was very abusive. I never been in abusive relationship, not physically anyway. I haven't wanted to do anything but be by myself for the past at least year. All of a sudden I get lonely. I dont want to live the rest of my life alone. It's very scary. Thank you!

wow, I was under the impression girls had it easy when it came to male attention. With or without children...

Me too. I am a single father with a disabled daughter and women avoid me like the plague !!! I would really like to know why !!!

I have a disabled son I raise alone. As sure as the spring sun melts winter snow women lose interest in me as soon as they find out. Attracting women isn't an issue. Before I realized all dating web sites are scams I posted a profile. I got "hello beautiful" at least once a month ... no ****. Sucks to be approached & rejected without fail.

Sorry your subjected to this. I had a very sad /similar problem where as a gal I was dating had 3 daughters from her marriage and her daughters just did not want me around. Her husband abandoned her/them when the kids were all very young. She did a great job raising them to. however They thought I was going to steal her away or something.

I've never been married and have no kids.. I really enjoyed being around them..when they were being polite anyway.. Long story.. Anyways I just quit calling her and vanished. No way was I getting between her and them. I'd lose either way.
maybe I'll write about it in here sometime. best wishes...

I'm a single father of my daughter I am perfectly fine of being a single father with no woman in my life or hoshimi's since both of our mothers were abusive to us. Here is the thing, drop the idea of a man fixing things, and you can't just decided to up and abandon your child you have to be there for her.

Support her, care for her, she needs your support man or no man she needs your support and love. you chose to have a baby with a father who was abusive, irresponsible, or cheats. Even no one wants to be cheated upon, you want to marry a nice guy. Only nice guys don't want to support the children of abusive, irresponsible men. Lots of women seek out men who are dominant, abusive and controlling. The reason single men aren't attracted to mothers with children not only has to do with them not wanting to support these children.

You have a great desire of lust for a man in your life. But here is the thing drop the idea of a man 'FIXING' things up in your life.

Me and my daughter's mothers were single but had no man in their life they raised us quiet terribly. Only because their lives were different.

So I hope you think of this. If you keep spending time with a man that you want so terrible your daughter may feel neglected.

So I don't think it matters if your divorced and have a child like honestly what's the difference? Like nobody should make a big deal over that like you killed your husband or something keep looking cause that means the one that doesn't mind is the one that doesn't care about anything else but you..

I am so sorry to read your story. I wish I were a man and get married with you immediately. I can see your great desire and you will be a wonderful wife.

Drop the idea of a man "fixing" things - find a hobby that you enjoy instead. Men are useless - they are not worth the bother.

I will just say

A child should have no impact on someone dating you if he was truly interested in you or if you were a single mother
Wrong guy if it does

My 2 cents hugs

I feel sorry for single mothers with children. But here is the deal, you chose to have a baby with a father who was abusive, irresponsible, or cheats. Actually, if you really love a guy, you would put up with his cheating, as I put up with the cheating of a girlfriend who I really loved. Now, you want to marry a nice guy. Only nice guys don't want to support the children of abusive, irresponsible men. Lots of women seek out men who are dominant, abusive and controlling. The reason single men aren't attracted to mothers with children not only has to do with them not wanting to support these children, but also mothers are not as sexually attractive as females who don't have children. Moreover, it is hard for a mother with a child to have much time or privacy to sexually please her man. Finally, mothers first priority are her children. When a man marries a woman, he wants a woman who will make him her first priority in life. You best chance at finding a male who will love you is finding a male twenty years older than you. Males twenty years older than you will overlook the fact you have a child, and may even see your child as a plus.

That's a little unfair Frank. Who hasn't made a mistake in love. Who hasn't fell in live with someone who changed on them later without warning? Not every woman is callous enough (no offense to anyone intended) to have an abortion.

The woman who wrote this is FINANCIALLY INDEPENDENT. Therefore there'd be ZERO benefit in her dating men old enough to be her father. Why? 1. Because it's unlikely she'll be sexually attracted to them 2. Men die earlier than women to begin with. Your proposed suitor is likely to at least fall very ill while she's just hitting her 50s.

What fun is that? Date someone who will never excite you, has nothing of value to offer you, and then nurse him to his death just when she's freed of caring for her child? Wow. She's better off being casual with attractive men her own age. At least she'll enjoy sex, a little romance, and is not inheriting nurse duty down the road.

I share her struggle and its tough. All i can advise is prioritize your health, beauty, and success. I least then you can know beyond a doubt that men who pass on you are truly missing out. Still lonely but at least self affirming

"Hey kids, meet mama's new boyfriend. He looks like your grandpa. You can call him grandpa!" Lol, gross

I know that I am only 21 & young, but I have a 2 year old son that I'm trying to gain custody of & I would be more than willing to help out in any way that I possibly can. message me if you have any further questions &/or want to chat.


any ladys from exeter devon wanna chat? message me 07791734472

Im in the same boat too. Im a 40 year old single mom with a 4 year old and barely have free time to date. My ex has designed our schedule so I have no nights off. Family will sit once or twice a month only. Its very lonely. I never thought I would end up like this either. How are things going for you now?

I'm going thru the same. I'm curious to know where you are at now and if it has gotten better since. I have little support as my mom passed away before her birth and I have no siblings. My father had been absentee until about ten years ago when he gained sobriety at 62- he is not helpful, doesn't see her much (I thought he'd be thrilled at the idea of a do-over as a sober person) but now he is 72 and has no patience, calls her a "brat" and bc of the lack of time spent together, we're still almost strangers. He's not affectionate with her, I guess he doesn't know how, and his wife is mentally ill so I'm trying to accept his limitations and be grateful to know him now. He DID unexpectedly help me out financially after a layoff, but later complained about it. I got the impression later he did so more out of not wanting to have to deal with opening his home to us if we lost ours in the interim, though it may be the only way he knows how to communicate. So knowing personally what growing up without a father feels like, I really tried to avoid that for a child of mine by prevention. Obviously I have to work, and the cost of daycare was almost impossible. Though eventually I found something that worked. Ive worked on getting a support system of friends going, but the other moms tend to be superficial and it REALLY became evident during my layoff, also I dont have the resources they do to participate in alot if things. I want to scream "Its temporary, not contagious, Im still the same person, are u KIDDING me??" Even the divorced moms have big families and joint custody/reg child support etc... I KNOW that comes with challenges too, but my God
The betrayals and unexpected judgements (so many imcorrect)from friends/family have been fierce and no help at all to an extremely difficult situation. I WAS happily married and we tried for a child over a year. He knew my thoughts on divorce, univolved fathers (if worst case scenario should happen), we discussed it many times. Also the cost to an innocent child. I left him when my girl was 2. She will be 7 next month and somehow we're making it, but he NEVER would bond, hold, help w her, yet claims he loves her, and me as well to this day. He has refused to provide any answers or insight into why and Ive spent alot if time trying to unravel this to make sense of it as he's not a monster-we were best friends I thought, nor was there another woman-Ive explored possible fear of inadequate parenting since his mom was a narcissist that caused much damage, also whether he felt left out when she first came home and couldn't cope bc he had no tools, if he got scared, was clinically depressed and much more. Once in awhile he calls and asks to spend time with ME, he's never moved on, dated, or made any change toward growth. He has 2 40 year old roommates. Its insane. I finally asked him if he realized how painful it was for me when he calls and want to talk or be intimate, yet has doesn't inquire about Lucy. Was he expecting me to DATE him for Gods sake? He has since talked to her on the phone a few times. Since school lsdt year, shes been asking and I really made him aware and I mainly suspect hell call back out of fear that Ill persue him legally as he pays only half of what he's ordered and its sporadic, though he has a good job.
In the meantime a very close friend, like a sister, decided she wanted out bc she saw my "life going in a negative direction" and like I said the other moms are fine socially as long as I don't have any needs. Its changed my whole perception on who I thought people were. I'm now getting to a point 5 yrs later, I'd feel comfortable getting a sitter (though that's hard too sometimes) and going on dates, but have found (and very hurt by) a lot of interest in affairs from married men, or casual dating, all people I've known in my life and never have acted that way before, but not ONE guy who just wants to hang out, get to know each other, and see what happens. Im told Im pretty and have a great personality, to make it worse, 2 people from my pre-marital, pre-child life recently looked me up on FB to tell me variations of the positive effect I had on their life and their thoughts I was the "one that got away" , both are married btw and coversations were had about getting kids/family together but as soon as it was clear I wasn't "fun" anymore and couldnt go out on a whim, and was struggling financially both became absent fairly quickly. I dont get it. Im not looking for a baby daddy. But wth happened to my good friends, and why do I see so many others meet and start second lives. Its really been painful and Im fighting this changing me inside negatively, but am getting worn down. Im resentful also bc Ive always welcomed people in and treated them like family and have had a fairly large group of friends always, now I have had the thought if I got really ill and something happened while my daughter was at a playdate or something, would thrre even be anyone to call. I despise this powerless, victimized feeling. Its not my nature and feel this has been unreal and unfair. The divorce, I could deal with, layoff too. People I thought were good friends avoiding, judging, etc...was unexpected. I even had one accuse me of hitying on her husband, though I acted no different than any other time in last 20 years. I. Dont. Get. It.

if you want a friend or any one wants a friend I am here I have brought up a few children four f them when we were children and do not let age fool you even at my age I am more fit then many half my age if you want more information ask please

they are many men out the that will love you all as a family biggest risk is you have to have the rules for kids set in stone have seen to many fail when children play one ageist the other

I am a single mother of 2 active boys. I am 38 now.
My first husband was a dead beat dad. My second husband turned out to be a mother's boy and that he just wanted me to stay at home to take care of his sick parents.

Well, I too have problems finding a right man for me, but I still have hope that I will find someone good for me sometime. In the mean time, my boys keep me strong. I get so much fun and strength from them. If my boyfriend is not good for my boys, then I would leave him.

We, single mothers, need to create "me" time to rest. Please rest well and take care of yourself. Please dress up and keep up with your beauty not for some men, but for yourself. There are lots of fish in the sea, some good and some bad. We are finding bad ones so far, but let's keep looking!

That\'s the new generation problem... You kids run away when you feel there\'s a problem.. Work it out! Not run away from it.

sorry if younger I would date you and child can go with us

I think its where you are looking you need to find someone who has children and can relate to you being a mother and know that you have responsibilities and they do too. you also should look into finding activities for yourself so you can eliminate some of the extra time you have to do well on your situation. I too am a single mother and just put myself back on the dating scene I have not had the problem of men not wanting me for my children and I have 3 but I have found that some men are not serious about a relationship period. And just like my beauty but they're not ready for commitments. don't give up hope and don't blame your daughter. She doesnt have anything to do with it. just lose that thought you have to start looking for friends with kids. And you need to find someone that is smart intelligent respectful. There are guys out there.

I totally understand. I am 37, a single father with a disabled child. Women are more interested in me when they don't know me well. Being tall decent looking, educated, & talented, with a local reputation among my acquaintances for honesty, meeting girls is not hard, when the opportunity presents itself. I meet all the said requirements; honesty, hardworking, loyal ect ... but the reality is they must want something else. I get 4 days a month where his mom takes her son for visitation. His mother is constantly evading warrants, jail, work, ... anything to be supportive.

Aaron276- you are such an idiot! Why is this woman alone to blame? Of course, this is what a man would say! Too many times, women are left with the responsibility of raising a child on their own, when the father should be taking care of the child as well! Almost always, there are two parents but the man usually ditches the responsibility! Hey- I wasn't married when I got pregnant and my sons father promised to take care of us, so much for all his broken promises! Single motherhood is hard and it's normal to sometimes resent your child! People, Please don't act righteous as if you've never wanted your freedom back! I love my son but miss my freedom! thats perfectly normal. Motherhood is tough but you need to get a handle on your life- for you and your child's sake. What's wrong with dating? If you can manage to fit the time in. But, don't be too greedy! If the man has drama with his ex, so what? Get real with your expectations! If you want too much, you'll often end up with nothing! My advice to you is to take good care if yourself, in and out. You'll be amazed at the number of men that will be attracted to you even if you have a child!