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I Hate Being a Single Mother

I have been alone ever since I found out I was pregnant with my daughter at 35.  I have never been married and have no other children.  I thought things were going to be ok because I had a good career, a nice home, and my education behind me.

I have experienced rejection like I never thought was possible.  I only recently started dating again, and no one wants to go out with me because I have a child.  The only guy that was interested is divorced with a daughter, but has a very nasty relationship with his former wife...I don't want that drama in my life or my daughter's.

I never thought that being a single mother would make me that undesirable. I don't need a man for financial support for my daughter, I am ok parenting her alone...but no one wants to go out with me. 

If I thought that my life would be destroyed by this, I may have chose adoption..b/c what good am I as a mother if I am miserable all the time?  I used to be ok being single, but in my age group, no married mothers want anything to do with me...they associate with other married mothers.  I have invited these women to lunch and they always find a reason to decline.  My single girlfriends don't call me for anything because I always have to make arrangements for a sitter.

The one guy I have been seeing has made it clear that we can date, but to never expect anything permanent with him because he didn't want to raise someone else's child.  I find myself still seeing this person because I am so miserable from being alone all of the time, that it's my only outlet to get out of the house and have an adult conversation or enjoyment.

I never, ever in my wildest dreams believed it could be this bad.  It's making me resent my child...and she has done nothing wrong.

nobodycares2014 nobodycares2014 36-40, F 128 Responses Nov 23, 2007

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Take care of yourself and don't self pity too much. Look closely at all the married couples you know. Many are miserable. Many have husbands and relationships you wouldn't want. So ya, it can be lonely and tough but when you are old - you're gonna have these beautiful young people loving you and celebrating you (we hope). And you will never carry the psychological and emotional burden and scar of having killed or given away your child. (Yes this is damaging whether all women admit it or not).

Half the married people you know are going to be in the same boat as you one day. Take advantage of your "head start" into this realm. Claim your right to standards and expectations. Be your best. Do whatever you want. 1st priority your kids. 2nd and very near immediate priority is YOUR happiness. No married person has this freedom. Make it GOLD.

Don't resent the child. Your child is just an as*hole filter. Those people who aren't hanging with you now are undesirable. You should thank your child.

am martin in kenya ready 2 date n respect r u the one?

I am a single mother as well and I do feel the way you do. It is not fair, and it is hard, I have experienced a lot of rejection as well, and I find that a lot of men are not good enough to be around my son. I was with a man once and he had a son as well but the nasty relationship with his ex just made it impossible to work. I believe we will find someone good for us and our children. And if the people think they are too good to be around us because we are single mothers, they can go for themselves with a cactus :)
We are still young, the world is our oyster, and we will have more time to fix stuff up when our kids go to school

LOOK FOR THE RIGHT MAN, WHO SEE YOU AND YOUR CHILD, HE WILL STAND BESIDE YOU.. BE PROUD AND CONFIDENT.. I WAS A SINGLE PARENT AS A MAN... I WOULD DO IT AGAIN..
BILL

And yet your too good for the single father haha yeah. Typical single mother syndrome u just want support but won't cook for a kid that ain't yours. Dine in your hell

Listen, if your ex is crazy, no single mother has time for drama, I've been there and personally I will not date a man with a crazy baby mom, no need for harassments

I am a 24 year old mother of 3 beautiful children...being single and taking things on all by yourself is a very hard, stressful, lonely task to do. But it is also a blessing to watch my kid grow, they are my world and they keep me going, that's for sure. Giving up is not an option in my opinion. Theyare just innocent children that look up to their parents. The hardest part to get through is not having a man to be by my side and support me emotionally...gotta keep your head and and stay strong.

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Hi. I know my situation might seem odd but here goes... I'm a 31yr old male married with 4yr old twins, however i feel like a single parent. I could use some advice with my marriage. I work full time, but for the for years now I've been the parent more involved in our kids life. I make a lot of sacrifices in my personal life fory family. I don't have friends, or any type of social life...I don't have a problem with that as long as my family is happy. For the past few yrs my wife's choices have seemed to benefit her alone.
Our relationship seems to be stagnant to the point where we aren't becoming closer. Dispute the many talks, and countless tactics I've tried over the years.. nothing sees to change. I still very much love my wife and I would never want to give up. Im an American and my wife isnt, we live abroad and being from two different cultures has proven to be more challenging than I expected. I'm ashamed that its taken so long to see the truth but me and my wife seem to be at two different points in our life. As this point in my mife I have everything I've always wanted. Career, wife, kids, Hobie's. However my wife is a different story. Shes had at least 7 jobs last year, most of which she's quit to move onto another job. She quit her latest job which was 10 min from our home, with a great salary for a position an hour from our home. She spends her days off at her mothers instead of at home. It seems our kids think their grandmother is their mother. They miss her a lot and our kids are suffering. We had problems conceiving and at the time, what we have now is all we ever wanted. She's told me several times that she still loves me... But I can't help but read her actions as otherwise. Anyone out there been through something similar?

Where is she from?

I feel the same way. I am a mom of two children, 11year old girl, 6 year old boy. Living alone in my two bedroom apartment. Paying the rent, working, paying bills, taking care of the kids, no car. All my friends are busy with their kids and lives and if their not too busy they are with their boyfriends or husbands or family and friends. Even with their coworkers... No one comes to visit me at my house but my boyfriend but thats not often cause he lives miles away from me. My friends say they want to be around but they never are. I live too far away from everyone so they dont want to come visit me. Even my own cousins who live ten minutes away driving with cars, do not come visit me. It hurts, no bad. I dont resent my kids but i truly dislike myself because im just so lonely all the time and i need my boyfriend around so much but he has family and friends he wants to spend time with. I feel I need people around to be happy. My kids keep me busy but as soon as theyre sleep or at school, I'm so down. My friends dont call, dont write, people dont even comment or like my statuses on Facebook. Like I am unimportant. It hurts and I just wish I could stop needing the attention of others to make me feel not so lonely anymore. And the kids are not my boyfriend's kids by the way.

I dont have a lot of money or time to do anything either. Like get pedicures and massages and stuff like that. Where I live, its so cold right now, and i get off so late from work so me and my kids only have enough time to get home and do homework and get ready for bed. The only times I can do things is on weekends but on saturdays most of my time is spent doing all the laundry and cleaning and preparing for the next week so the day is gone and i have no time. i go to church on sunday's and then i have time to actually do something. but i still have my kids, no sitters unless i'm at work. i have no family and friends that will watch them while i take time for myself. i only have late at night when they are sleep.

I know how you feel!! Its a horrible situation to b in, sometimes i wish i could meet someone in the same boat so we could help each other out, but its hard to trust other people. What area do u live in?

The only thing painful about life is that there are individuals who dream of meeting women like you and who would gladly want to be your partner and be a father figure to your child, the CRUELTY of life is that circumstances never brings these together. Thats a mystery i'l never understand

I know you feel bad but you need to get outside of yourself somehow. I used to drink too much when I got divorced and was horrified that I had to go to a 12 step program. But this was the best thing that ever happened to me. Now I have lots of friends and don't think about myself all the time, which was what I needed. I know this doesn't exactly apply to you but there has to be some group, be it Church or some interest that you have where you can be with other people. You need friends now, not a man. I also found cheap counseling and it helped a lot. Forward 10 years and I am happily married. But first, I had to accept my life was garbage and work on myself. Not saying you need it but I wanted to be better than I was and forgot about women for a while. When I got to where I was happy with my life and peaceful and serene inside, women began to show interest. Believe me there is a whole lot more to life than romance. It's overrated.

I'm a 33 yr old single mother to a 15 and 11 year old . I married and divorced young. I hate my life and resent my children for taking away all of my joy. I will never have a better education, never have a job I love , never get to travel and see things while I'm young... And I'll never be able to be with the man I love because he doesn't want to raise another mans family. I dream of running away all the time and starting over fresh. Leaving the girls with my ex husband and never looking back. This is putting me into a very serious depression.
I don't understand why men can do this all the time, but woman aren't allowed to have these kinds of feelings . Let alone act on them. I also don't understand mothers who love being around their kids all the time. I'm not sure if there is something wrong with me or if I'm just not built for motherhood. Sometime I think the only way out is to take my own life.

There must be much more than two paragraphs. Your suicidal thoughts or conciderations are valid to you no matter what others think. Before you decide to kill yourself at least try to get therapy.

It will get better. It will. Just try to find ways to appreciate the kids and spend time with them and just let go of yoru frustrations. do arts and crafts, pray with them, sing with them. it'll be ok. you are strong, you can do this, you can survive! they need you, you need them.

Are you in London as well. Is this mainly Brits because I like in Southern US but lives in Peterborough for a few years.

being a mom is tough but in the end your children are there for you when others aren't. as far as the guy is concerned he's wrong and that's just an excuse. those kids are part of you and if he rejects the kids he's rejecting you. its hard finding a good man. for anybody with or without kids. its not their fault.

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I'm sorry that you're so sad, but did you ever think that your negative attitude and depressing outlook could have something to do with your lack of friends and not so promising dating outlook? It's not always someone else's fault that your life isn't working out. Positivity attracts positivity.

... better get yourself down to the local childrens cancer center & let them know about positivity attracting positivity. Sometimes things don't go well ... for a very long time. Eventually an over taxed well can run dry.

there is a time to laugh and a time to cry. well said

I fully understand where you are coming from. Life for me is becoming pretty much unbearable, my partner of 8 years has left me heart broken, friendless, isolated and I feel I cannot cope. He has left me with no self esteem, and i am already a shy person. I am in desperate need to find someone to talk too...just to have some form of human contact and to make genuine friends. My story is too complex to write about in full deatail, my energy levels are so low to construct my experience in written format. I am a single parent, my youngest is 12 and I am having difficulty at home and at school. I keep asking myself where have I gone wrong in my parenting. I would love to be a part of a single mothers group or group of women which I have had difficulty finding , or even to start one up if anyone is interested. It would be nice to meet for coffee, to talk, to support one another, laugh, cry and create a platform where we could empower each other. I live in south west London.

Too the original post and any other post where you have felt hopeless, can definitely relate... I have a 16 year old and an 8 year old. I am not working at the moment, and the isolation from former friends and family can be difficult. My 16yo sees how others have treated me over the years and it hurts him. Neither of my children's fathers (both ex husbands) have looked back at my children, neither have their families. I am the only one for holidays and birthdays, but I make it work... We make it work. I am 38 y/o and I am yes I get lonely because of the isolation, but not desperate. I have taken myself out when I have the chance, and I do my best to feel grateful for everything and everyday.<br />
People come to me for advice and help, but like many of the single mothers have stated. When it comes to me needing help. No one wants to... Either from women who think their man might want me, or just don't give a damn, or are just waiting for me to break. Things are always a catch 22 when it comes to, so called friends. As for dating.... It is non existent... I too hear how pretty I am, and what a wonderful mother I am. But I also get that condescending attitude or comment from men as to them not wanting to raise anyone else's children. Even older men 20+ years... <br />
<br />
My children are wonderful and they are successful in school and their activities. I am able to attend many of their events, but by myself. It gets lonely, but I am optimistic. As I said, I am okay at times, but I know that by the time my youngest is grown, I will not have any desire to date.... Since I have been my own best friend, and done everything, and been everything for my children. I look forward to my own time and space to just be who I am. The funny thing is my son wants me to have someone in my life, but I recently revealed to him that I have chosen to be by myself, and I will be okay. I too never expected a life like this, but I keep my head up and I keep trying... Do I look for a man, a companion who is accepting of who I am and my children? No... Do I love myself and keep myself up the way that makes me happy? Yes... After all I have learned to be my own best friend. Do I cry and have times where I feel hopeless, or broken? Yes, many times, but I see what is, and not what isn't, I work at this daily, and that is all I can do... While I hope for the best with or without a true friend or companion.

Wow, your story is almost exactly like mine. I am 38 2 boys 17 and 12, same dad. Their father is a bad drug addict and had drug induced schizophrenia. I cried reading this because it all sounded so familiar. My Kids are also amazing both making straight A's taking honors classes, my oldest as long as he takes his meds- he has really bad ADHD
He also remembers every single dude I dated after his father and I divorced. And my last fiance over a year ago was very abusive. I never been in abusive relationship, not physically anyway. I haven't wanted to do anything but be by myself for the past at least year. All of a sudden I get lonely. I dont want to live the rest of my life alone. It's very scary. Thank you!

wow, I was under the impression girls had it easy when it came to male attention. With or without children...

Me too. I am a single father with a disabled daughter and women avoid me like the plague !!! I would really like to know why !!!

I have a disabled son I raise alone. As sure as the spring sun melts winter snow women lose interest in me as soon as they find out. Attracting women isn't an issue. Before I realized all dating web sites are scams I posted a profile. I got "hello beautiful" at least once a month ... no ****. Sucks to be approached & rejected without fail.

because they're the ones you don't want anyway

Sorry your subjected to this. I had a very sad /similar problem where as a gal I was dating had 3 daughters from her marriage and her daughters just did not want me around. Her husband abandoned her/them when the kids were all very young. She did a great job raising them to. however They thought I was going to steal her away or something.

I've never been married and have no kids.. I really enjoyed being around them..when they were being polite anyway.. Long story.. Anyways I just quit calling her and vanished. No way was I getting between her and them. I'd lose either way.
maybe I'll write about it in here sometime. best wishes...

I'm a single father of my daughter I am perfectly fine of being a single father with no woman in my life or hoshimi's since both of our mothers were abusive to us. Here is the thing, drop the idea of a man fixing things, and you can't just decided to up and abandon your child you have to be there for her.

Support her, care for her, she needs your support man or no man she needs your support and love. you chose to have a baby with a father who was abusive, irresponsible, or cheats. Even no one wants to be cheated upon, you want to marry a nice guy. Only nice guys don't want to support the children of abusive, irresponsible men. Lots of women seek out men who are dominant, abusive and controlling. The reason single men aren't attracted to mothers with children not only has to do with them not wanting to support these children.

You have a great desire of lust for a man in your life. But here is the thing drop the idea of a man 'FIXING' things up in your life.

Me and my daughter's mothers were single but had no man in their life they raised us quiet terribly. Only because their lives were different.

So I hope you think of this. If you keep spending time with a man that you want so terrible your daughter may feel neglected.

So I don't think it matters if your divorced and have a child like honestly what's the difference? Like nobody should make a big deal over that like you killed your husband or something keep looking cause that means the one that doesn't mind is the one that doesn't care about anything else but you..

I disagree that nice men wouldn't want to raise someone else's child. I think a nice man would if he loves you.

I am so sorry to read your story. I wish I were a man and get married with you immediately. I can see your great desire and you will be a wonderful wife.

Drop the idea of a man "fixing" things - find a hobby that you enjoy instead. Men are useless - they are not worth the bother.

I will just say

A child should have no impact on someone dating you if he was truly interested in you or if you were a single mother
Wrong guy if it does

My 2 cents hugs

I feel sorry for single mothers with children. But here is the deal, you chose to have a baby with a father who was abusive, irresponsible, or cheats. Actually, if you really love a guy, you would put up with his cheating, as I put up with the cheating of a girlfriend who I really loved. Now, you want to marry a nice guy. Only nice guys don't want to support the children of abusive, irresponsible men. Lots of women seek out men who are dominant, abusive and controlling. The reason single men aren't attracted to mothers with children not only has to do with them not wanting to support these children, but also mothers are not as sexually attractive as females who don't have children. Moreover, it is hard for a mother with a child to have much time or privacy to sexually please her man. Finally, mothers first priority are her children. When a man marries a woman, he wants a woman who will make him her first priority in life. You best chance at finding a male who will love you is finding a male twenty years older than you. Males twenty years older than you will overlook the fact you have a child, and may even see your child as a plus.

That's a little unfair Frank. Who hasn't made a mistake in love. Who hasn't fell in live with someone who changed on them later without warning? Not every woman is callous enough (no offense to anyone intended) to have an abortion.

The woman who wrote this is FINANCIALLY INDEPENDENT. Therefore there'd be ZERO benefit in her dating men old enough to be her father. Why? 1. Because it's unlikely she'll be sexually attracted to them 2. Men die earlier than women to begin with. Your proposed suitor is likely to at least fall very ill while she's just hitting her 50s.

What fun is that? Date someone who will never excite you, has nothing of value to offer you, and then nurse him to his death just when she's freed of caring for her child? Wow. She's better off being casual with attractive men her own age. At least she'll enjoy sex, a little romance, and is not inheriting nurse duty down the road.

I share her struggle and its tough. All i can advise is prioritize your health, beauty, and success. I least then you can know beyond a doubt that men who pass on you are truly missing out. Still lonely but at least self affirming

"Hey kids, meet mama's new boyfriend. He looks like your grandpa. You can call him grandpa!" Lol, gross

that's really your opinion. some people like older men

Some people prefer very obese companions, and midgets as well. But the majority of people agree that everyone gets less sexually appealing with age. The majority of people want their physical equal in a relationship. It's just that women in our situation tend to change their perspective because it's easier than trying to change the world. SO they learn to look past the fact that the older man does not excite them nor inspire lust. I have many friends who talk about how they had to MAKE themselves attracted to their partner but it was "worth it" because he's kind and mature etc etc. Whatever floats. But this is a form of settling - make no mistake.

As far as tweens being attracted to men in their 30s, that's a little different. Aging process doesn't start until mid-late 20s. People in their 30s are still comparably attractive to their counterparts a decade younger. Once you cross into the last 40s and 50s - there's a VAST difference in appearance for most people. A 35 year old woman who has taken care of herself is going to look WAY more youthful than a 50 year old man who has done the same. (Unless he's like the iron man or something). Men in their 50s are not physically sexy to most women in their 30s. Women just look past it when they feel they have no choice and cant tolderate being alone.

A study proved this. Most women of every age find men in theoir 30s physically attractive. But it's not until women are in their late 40s that they start to recognize sex appeal in men over the age of 50. I wish I had the article handy. Google it.

So are most 30 somethings hot for 50 something year old men - no they are not. But are some of us willing and able to give one a chance to win our hearts through kind deeds and other benefits - sure. Just not me. I need to have passion for a person. If looking at you can't entice me, I'd rather devote all my "me" time to myself. I believe there's someone for everyone and do hope my soulmate is out there and matched to my mistakes. Not some old fart wanting to capitalize on my misfortunes. Blech.

Any women callous enough not to not have an abortion deserves what she gets. Every child deserves two loving parents who can afford to raise it, not a single mother who realize six years later that her little bundle of joy is no longer a small sack of potatoes.
Lots of women are attracted to older men. If she is not or you are not then you should find some guy you do find attractive who will not bail on you. Men die earlier than women? First of all, if I were you, I'd live in the present, and not worry what will be in 30-50 years. Second, there a plenty of men who live past a 100, and plenty of women who die early. The vast majority of the members of my family live over 90, with all 4 of my grandparents living well over 100. Men in my family who are 50 are like men who are typically 30. When my father was 50s he was winning tennis matches with good tennis players in their 20s because he had more stamina than they had and was able to outlast them. Why would my proposed suitor fall very ill when she is hitting her 50s? Few people in my family ever get any illness. None of my grandparents had a major illness in their lives ever. But anyone can get any illness any time. I know a guy whose wife left him with four small children when she died in her early thirties. And why would a male 20 years old than a female have nothing to offer her? Why would he never excite her? There is a Dos Equis commercial featuring some guy around 50 who happens to be the most interesting guy in the world. That based that commercial on me. If you are female and lonely, you only have yourself to blame. Your standards are too high, you are neurotic, you are overly negative or cynical, or you have too many flaws yourself. michael aka the original most interesting guy in the world.

There is nothing callous about giving your child life regardless of imperfect circumstances. Things change and divorces happen. I wont comment much more on abortion because that's an entirely different issue. To each their own; my kids will always live and I'll eat whatever consequences - loneliness being the worst of it if need be. But loneliness is better than settling for someone that does not incite any lust on my part.

Men and their "Im (old and) interesting" obsession is truly the "answer" to unfit females and their "my personality is great" propaganda. No one is arguing that those things aren't of value. I am merely stating the TRUTH. We are all human beings and MOST of us do not make love, or have uninhibited sex with "a great personality". MOST people are VISUAL. And MOST people agree that most others do get uglier with age. People don't even like the effects of aging on themselves. Why would anyone find someone else's more advanced wrinkles and "gravity scars" appealing? They don't. Women are just as visual and sexual as men. It's just that SOME of us settle - many of us do. We settle because we feel we have no choice.

There are others among us (myself included) who ar willing to be alone in hopes that God (or whatever else good is at work in this unknown universe of ours) has a soulmate out there for me - somewhere. And he will inspire my most pleasurable senses. In my case, he will be close to my age, equally attractive ot me (or at least close), and for whatever reason see my kids as a bonus. Children do not stay children forever. It's amazing how old people LOVE having kids and grandkids around - theres or not. So maybe my match is a guy who wants kids but is sterile... they do exist. maybe my soulmate is just that specific, you know?

I (personally) find greater pleasure in waiting for a love that satisfies my greatest expectations, then to give up and settle for a romance that is wholly imbalanced. Old guy fiercely desiring me every night while I scramble to find an excuse not to come home. I am not attracted to men more than 10 years older than me. I think that is a plenty reasonable difference. Dad territory grosses me out and that's my prerogative - but I am not a minority. I am just more honest about it and confident that while I may be alone for a while; "he" is out there. Holding out for him.

that's just not true. older men don't want children if they want to travel etc. its not in their plans

I don't think your response is for me. I have zero interest in what old men want. If I did, I am fairly certain I could make most of them bend over backwards for me (as long as a chiropractor were nearby lol). Old men will do a lot for a much younger woman. Stinky old pervs. Yuck.

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I know that I am only 21 & young, but I have a 2 year old son that I'm trying to gain custody of & I would be more than willing to help out in any way that I possibly can. message me if you have any further questions &/or want to chat.

-Donald

any ladys from exeter devon wanna chat? message me 07791734472

Im in the same boat too. Im a 40 year old single mom with a 4 year old and barely have free time to date. My ex has designed our schedule so I have no nights off. Family will sit once or twice a month only. Its very lonely. I never thought I would end up like this either. How are things going for you now?

I'm going thru the same. I'm curious to know where you are at now and if it has gotten better since. I have little support as my mom passed away before her birth and I have no siblings. My father had been absentee until about ten years ago when he gained sobriety at 62- he is not helpful, doesn't see her much (I thought he'd be thrilled at the idea of a do-over as a sober person) but now he is 72 and has no patience, calls her a "brat" and bc of the lack of time spent together, we're still almost strangers. He's not affectionate with her, I guess he doesn't know how, and his wife is mentally ill so I'm trying to accept his limitations and be grateful to know him now. He DID unexpectedly help me out financially after a layoff, but later complained about it. I got the impression later he did so more out of not wanting to have to deal with opening his home to us if we lost ours in the interim, though it may be the only way he knows how to communicate. So knowing personally what growing up without a father feels like, I really tried to avoid that for a child of mine by prevention. Obviously I have to work, and the cost of daycare was almost impossible. Though eventually I found something that worked. Ive worked on getting a support system of friends going, but the other moms tend to be superficial and it REALLY became evident during my layoff, also I dont have the resources they do to participate in alot if things. I want to scream "Its temporary, not contagious, Im still the same person, are u KIDDING me??" Even the divorced moms have big families and joint custody/reg child support etc... I KNOW that comes with challenges too, but my God
The betrayals and unexpected judgements (so many imcorrect)from friends/family have been fierce and no help at all to an extremely difficult situation. I WAS happily married and we tried for a child over a year. He knew my thoughts on divorce, univolved fathers (if worst case scenario should happen), we discussed it many times. Also the cost to an innocent child. I left him when my girl was 2. She will be 7 next month and somehow we're making it, but he NEVER would bond, hold, help w her, yet claims he loves her, and me as well to this day. He has refused to provide any answers or insight into why and Ive spent alot if time trying to unravel this to make sense of it as he's not a monster-we were best friends I thought, nor was there another woman-Ive explored possible fear of inadequate parenting since his mom was a narcissist that caused much damage, also whether he felt left out when she first came home and couldn't cope bc he had no tools, if he got scared, was clinically depressed and much more. Once in awhile he calls and asks to spend time with ME, he's never moved on, dated, or made any change toward growth. He has 2 40 year old roommates. Its insane. I finally asked him if he realized how painful it was for me when he calls and want to talk or be intimate, yet has doesn't inquire about Lucy. Was he expecting me to DATE him for Gods sake? He has since talked to her on the phone a few times. Since school lsdt year, shes been asking and I really made him aware and I mainly suspect hell call back out of fear that Ill persue him legally as he pays only half of what he's ordered and its sporadic, though he has a good job.
In the meantime a very close friend, like a sister, decided she wanted out bc she saw my "life going in a negative direction" and like I said the other moms are fine socially as long as I don't have any needs. Its changed my whole perception on who I thought people were. I'm now getting to a point 5 yrs later, I'd feel comfortable getting a sitter (though that's hard too sometimes) and going on dates, but have found (and very hurt by) a lot of interest in affairs from married men, or casual dating, all people I've known in my life and never have acted that way before, but not ONE guy who just wants to hang out, get to know each other, and see what happens. Im told Im pretty and have a great personality, to make it worse, 2 people from my pre-marital, pre-child life recently looked me up on FB to tell me variations of the positive effect I had on their life and their thoughts I was the "one that got away" , both are married btw and coversations were had about getting kids/family together but as soon as it was clear I wasn't "fun" anymore and couldnt go out on a whim, and was struggling financially both became absent fairly quickly. I dont get it. Im not looking for a baby daddy. But wth happened to my good friends, and why do I see so many others meet and start second lives. Its really been painful and Im fighting this changing me inside negatively, but am getting worn down. Im resentful also bc Ive always welcomed people in and treated them like family and have had a fairly large group of friends always, now I have had the thought if I got really ill and something happened while my daughter was at a playdate or something, would thrre even be anyone to call. I despise this powerless, victimized feeling. Its not my nature and feel this has been unreal and unfair. The divorce, I could deal with, layoff too. People I thought were good friends avoiding, judging, etc...was unexpected. I even had one accuse me of hitying on her husband, though I acted no different than any other time in last 20 years. I. Dont. Get. It.

if you want a friend or any one wants a friend I am here I have brought up a few children four f them when we were children and do not let age fool you even at my age I am more fit then many half my age if you want more information ask please

they are many men out the that will love you all as a family biggest risk is you have to have the rules for kids set in stone have seen to many fail when children play one ageist the other

I am a single mother of 2 active boys. I am 38 now.
My first husband was a dead beat dad. My second husband turned out to be a mother's boy and that he just wanted me to stay at home to take care of his sick parents.

Well, I too have problems finding a right man for me, but I still have hope that I will find someone good for me sometime. In the mean time, my boys keep me strong. I get so much fun and strength from them. If my boyfriend is not good for my boys, then I would leave him.

We, single mothers, need to create "me" time to rest. Please rest well and take care of yourself. Please dress up and keep up with your beauty not for some men, but for yourself. There are lots of fish in the sea, some good and some bad. We are finding bad ones so far, but let's keep looking!

That\'s the new generation problem... You kids run away when you feel there\'s a problem.. Work it out! Not run away from it.

sorry if younger I would date you and child can go with us

I think its where you are looking you need to find someone who has children and can relate to you being a mother and know that you have responsibilities and they do too. you also should look into finding activities for yourself so you can eliminate some of the extra time you have to do well on your situation. I too am a single mother and just put myself back on the dating scene I have not had the problem of men not wanting me for my children and I have 3 but I have found that some men are not serious about a relationship period. And just like my beauty but they're not ready for commitments. don't give up hope and don't blame your daughter. She doesnt have anything to do with it. just lose that thought you have to start looking for friends with kids. And you need to find someone that is smart intelligent respectful. There are guys out there.

I totally understand. I am 37, a single father with a disabled child. Women are more interested in me when they don't know me well. Being tall decent looking, educated, & talented, with a local reputation among my acquaintances for honesty, meeting girls is not hard, when the opportunity presents itself. I meet all the said requirements; honesty, hardworking, loyal ect ... but the reality is they must want something else. I get 4 days a month where his mom takes her son for visitation. His mother is constantly evading warrants, jail, work, ... anything to be supportive.

Aaron276- you are such an idiot! Why is this woman alone to blame? Of course, this is what a man would say! Too many times, women are left with the responsibility of raising a child on their own, when the father should be taking care of the child as well! Almost always, there are two parents but the man usually ditches the responsibility! Hey- I wasn't married when I got pregnant and my sons father promised to take care of us, so much for all his broken promises! Single motherhood is hard and it's normal to sometimes resent your child! People, Please don't act righteous as if you've never wanted your freedom back! I love my son but miss my freedom! thats perfectly normal. Motherhood is tough but you need to get a handle on your life- for you and your child's sake. What's wrong with dating? If you can manage to fit the time in. But, don't be too greedy! If the man has drama with his ex, so what? Get real with your expectations! If you want too much, you'll often end up with nothing! My advice to you is to take good care if yourself, in and out. You'll be amazed at the number of men that will be attracted to you even if you have a child!

Hi my name is Bori I thought I was da only one but I see I'm not...it's ok ma its not your fault or your baby's...feel free to hit me up anytime to talk or wat ever ok ma have a good one

I would like to start off by saying that a lot of these comments are ridiculous. Why would you actively seek out a group whose views you disagree with just to make the OP feel like crap? She already feels like crap, that's why she's here!!! The whole point of EP to get support from people who share your experiences. Stop being STUPID and CHILDISH. My god. That said, I feel you 100%, OP. The only difference in our experiences is the age group we each belong to. I see that this can bring different challenges for different moms. Keep your head up. That's all I can say. Peace and love to you and your child.

When you play you pay sorry you're not a young teenager. You knew better.

Don't resent the child, only your own choices to have sex when unwed. It turns out in the end, the good old ways were right all along. Don't worry, there are guys out there who like to marry single mother because they also to be daddy to a child, but then if you wont let them get that status and role and dont want anyone else to become as important as you are to your child, well good luck. Men that accept hand-me-down women with hand-me-down kids do so because they want to assimilate them into their own family.

So.... You think the responsible thing to do would have been to put her up for adoption? Good heavens. Ah yes, creating yet another case for the state-run adoption agencies to deal with and possibly never even find a home for her, thereby letting her have a crummy life where she's never properly taken care of and never has a real parent, instead being moved from agency to agency- that's your version of the responsible thing you maybe should have done, rather than have an abortion. I'm a social worker and I've seen it plenty of times before. If you didn't have the foresight to deal with the loneliness that would inevitably come, since boys/men/males are allowed to want something new and fresh with someone it'll also be new and fresh for (which is why they don't want moms), then you should have gotten an abortion, NOT put her up for adoption. Real life is not like the movie "Juno." When are people going to start realizing that abortion is the responsible option, not adoption? Zygotes are not people; the fact that it will become a person someday, eventually, after many months of growing is meaningless.

Truth sorry but there's nothing more cruel than bringing a UNWANTED CHILD into this world. Abortion is better

I am surprised to hear it is so difficult to meet nice men who will accept your child. I was a single young mum at 28 with two small children, I met quite a few men and so did many friends of mine, we all remarried. Sadly, my second marriage failed also, and now I am alone again only this time, I am rearing my little grandson who is only 6, so I can really relate to what you say now. Because at my age, no one, has a small child, I don't fit in with the young mums, and my 'partner' of many years (whom I do not live with) does not want to take on that responsibility at his age. So, what is there? A child is beautiful, but cannot fulfill the emotional needs of a adult. I wish you luck, don't give up, you are at least young. All the divorced men will be out there soon, when all the second rounds come up. You are just in the inbetween age bracket. And they will all have children also, so they will not mind yours. Anyhow, don't resent your daughter, men let you down, your daughter is yours forever.

I can understand you, must be really sad being alone, I mean you left your life to being a mum. I also have to say that you are very brave and strong. I did an abortion because I was very scared to being a single mum and my ex boyfriend is a bastard, his attitude convinced me to do it. Sometimes I regret about that, but your post makes me feel better, Thanks for that. I do not know what it's gonna happen with my life I am full of hate, and not strong enough as you are. I am sure you gonna find a good man (maybe not now, but you will) You are very strong and brave. Your daughter have a super mum and that have to make you feel really happy. Apoligize my english.

As a man I say lonely single women deserve what you get

You are responsible for you lives

You wanted feminism now deal with the consequences...bunch of crybabies! :(

I too was feeling a bit cheesed off at being a single parent, because it really is hard work doing everything by yourself, but.............. and I have to admit the comment from aaron276 soon enough changed my "I feel sorry for myself" state of thinking. aaron276 told it like it is! Thats really funny:) Maybe a few women on here need to read between the lines on your statement.

What the hell do you mean \"women deserve what you get?\" I am a single mother, this is not what I wanted in my life but I wasn\'t going to stay with a man that was cheating on me during our whole marriage. I have never resented my children but I do admit it does get lonely raising then on my own because their father is a dead beat. I love my children but I admit there are times I would like to go out just to have a little grown up time. You really need to get a better perspective.

Hello, I am a single mother too and i was so lonely that i cried and found this blog now may be is late for the post i read to respond but please listen its worth it to have a child and even though you are lonely now but on your old age you have somebody who will take care of you and he will have kids that they will fill your joy and Christmas nights,. I know right now i cry and i think may i will have to find a good man for my baby and that's why that i got to this blog, but when i read this all posts, i said owww why do we search for been a made and a slave for some men just to keep us happy if they don't fully accept our beloved child, our blood and flesh, our mirror, our genes to continue in this world a man comes and go a child is unique, is a God gift to complete you in this life, do your best to raise this prescious gift with pride and love, some women married that they can not have a child in their marriage want be in your place and love the beauty unconditionally. God is good praise the Lord the right man will love you with your child unconditionnally.
And for the one who she said how desperate to raise her child, please go to the County you living they will help you for sometimes and give you some formation course to get a job, You see when you have a child help is everywhere a child is prescious and a future for the world so don't just give up because the father of your child is a looser do your best to raise a prince us you are a Queen. God Bless.

I'm in the very same position like you are. Except your friends and family don't seem to support you a lot. Don't let your love and affection be deranged. An own child is the most wonderful gift a woman can get in her life!
I felt totaly devastated because of being often lonely. Didn't want to be an additional burden to all my beloved ones. I addressed my issues to an online life coach (can recommend you Your24hCoach.com). Those words of a professional gave me power to stay strong and not give up. Find some time for yourself and spend it wisely. Don't force anything by dating. If those around you aren't ready to accept you with your wonderful daugther they are all not worth it! They're not good enough for you anyway so why do you care? Concentrate on you daugther and everything else will be when times is ripe for it!

I'm also a single mom at 29 .Divorced a few months ago .i know what you mean .i'm living the same story .No one really wants to be with e permanently. I never thought having a child would have a negative effect on my dating life . I LOVE my daughter but i'm very lonely most of the time

try being a "single parent" at 59. i am a widow raising my daughter's child, due to her mental illness. talk about not having any understanding friends!

This sounds so much like my life!! I can't tell you how many times I continued seeing a guy even though I knew there was no future in it, simply because I was so tired of being lonely. What really sucks is that guys quickly assume that you'll go to bed with them because you've already got a kid. Like I have no reason to wait and get to know him better before sleeping with him since I've obviously already "given it up" before. It's like you're not worth the wait or worth the chase when you're a single mom because you're used goods. It's so unfair!!

... How is that unfair, exactly? I mean, they KNOW that you have already "given it up," and that you put out, so... The evidence is right there for them to see. That's not to say that you shouldn't respect yourself or something, and that you should go to bed with them if you don't want to. But then don't be surprised if they move on elsewhere.

You are one of those types...the arrogant, self serving, pompous type. I can see from your previous comments that you live and breathe for the opportunity to prop yourself up by putting others down. The only reason you're on this site is to pass judgement on others. The world would be a better place if there were less of your type.

My son is 11 and I am 45. I tried everything to keep our 11 year relationship together and accepted him totally - which was a beautiful place to be. But at the end of the day he decided he wasn't happy and left. It's been a year and a half now and he's engaged to be married next year to someone who doesn't even live in the same city! Rejection has slapped me in the face with its buddy loneliness. It's true, what the other posts say, married women don't include you. I feel like a social outcast. And don't even talk to me about Groundhog Day. My day starts at 5.00am to study, work/school start at 8.30am, work through lunch so I can leave early at 4.30pm and back home at 5.00pm to cook dinner, play hand ball, help with homework, mow the lawn, vacuum the house, etc etc. The next day is exactly the same, perhaps with a different household chore. I'm an extravert and this is pure and unrelenting torture for me. Weekends are Awful and Christmas was Heinous! We went from having a house full of family around for Christmas to just my son and me. I couldn't afford many presents and felt like a failure (briefly!). Finding another relationship is flying under the radar, I want to get my boat ship shape and meet my son's needs/wants and be a good role model. Yup! This is a king hit. Yup! I was suicidal for most of last year. Yup! The bills are eating me alive (we have a budget but rates, electricity, water, food, phone, petrol have all gone up and my salary stays the same). But my son is important to me and for his sake I move forward - albeit s-l-o-w-l-y. I have been trying to encourage myself forward by enjoying simple pleasures. The smell of a daffodil was enough the other day. Cleaning my bike chain was a total highlight a few weeks ago. Sitting down and reading the paper is a treat! I'm seeing a lot of women in this same position and emphatically shake my head. What is happening? Why are good women alone and lonely?? All the very best to each of you, I wish I could help more but am struggling too much.

people always say, oh I'll adopt her-but they don't know how hard it is! I am a single mother of a 7 year old boy with anger issues. It is so hard, I would've aborted if I knew it would be like this............

SAME BOAT BUT WITH 2 KIDS IN TOW....MY HUGS GO OUT TO YOU!

pray to God to send u some friends

How old is your daughter? Me and my husband cant have kids we would love to adopt her!

Thank you Grant66! To be honest, I don't think I will use the dating service.. but I still have faith in God.. Thanks again!!

Please don't get discouraged or give up the search for your soulmate. Any male worthy of your attention should accept your child also and want to be part of your family. The Christmas Story sets example for all good women and men. Single Mom Mary and Stepfather to be Joseph - married and shared good family life. I have been a stepdad in in a marriage for ten years and in current marriage for twenty two years. If through your church, synagogue or mosque you are not meeting singles, please consider a good dating service.

Thank you for sharing your story is a very similar to mine...I have been a single mom for more than 10 yrs, never date anyone since I was separated. I never have any close friends, I didn't want to see another man during those year because, raising my son is my first priority and I am proud of my self which I have been doing on my own. I don't need a man for financial support for him or me, I am happy parenting him alone & he is ready to continue his higher education in uni.. Now I am starting to feel the loneliness.. Recently, a man showed some interest in me at work, once I told him that I am a mother of a teenager, he stepped back & withdrew... Accepting a rejection is not easy for anyone, it is okay and the same time beginning to think that I will never get another chance to share my thoughts/ feelings.

If anything, I think your daughter has done you a ton of favors. For someone like her who is truly innocent in this whole thing, has come into your life and has truly opened your eyes to show you how FAKE the people in your life really were all along. So, now your friends are gone, certain people do not want to associate with you anymore and some men run from you. As far as this guy who told you not to expect anything permanent, why give him the time of day anyway? Do not settle for less, or you will end up with the wrong guy once again. Raise your standards and wait.<br />
<br />
YES, it will be difficult finding someone, but it is not impossible. It is just going to take time and effort. Right now, your first priority is your daughter, not all these other men.

Wow. The ignorant one is you. Assumption is the lowest firm of knowledge. You have no idea what this woman's circumstance is like. My daughter is 7 months old and her father committed suicide when I was 9 weeks pregnant, I found him in our bed with a knife in his chest. And I didn't place for adoption or abort because I'm a strong woman. And it sucks being a single mom but you know what? It makes us stronger people. It cultivates our character. Something clearly you are lacking.

Sorry my last post is in reference to the person Condeming you and the last line of her post says "BIRTH CONTROL"

What does "strength" have to do with anything? You didn't abort because of ....strength? Uh, okay. If you say so. I'd rather not be lonely all the time, personally. Sure, your daughter will be there for you and keep you company, but she can't **** you so... I doubt it'll be enough for you will it? So, I guess it's good you also have strength to keep you company, apparently.

You're a jerk.

Don't get much, Ispeakthetruth, do you?

I don\'t agree with you about abortion, and I would only agree with the rest of what you say on here if you are man enough to say that to anyone face to face, if you are...then good job brother, except for the abortion part, that just absolves women of responsibility, men take all the chances today, the media and women have a monopoly on sex...it doesn\'t matter how big how good how kind how much money or anything...maybe how smart we are about who we get with...and having a child with no father to be found or kids with different daddies is a dead give away NOT to get with you. You should learn to love your daughter and be content with that.

2 More Responses

I hate being a single mother, and I'm not even a mother! I'm a father. My ex-wife, stay-at-home mom turned drug addict has no part in our two sons lives. At present I don't even know where she lives, which is a blessing believe me. After raising my sons alone for the better part of a decade and constantly having to defend them from her in our corrupt and maternally-biased court system has been no fun whatsoever, and extremely expensive. The isolationism of single parenthood (when you TRULY never have a free moment) didn't use to bother me, but now I seem to find that with many single mothers there seems to be a double standard. They want me to accept their kids but they want nothing to do with mine. Hey I kinda get it though. Really I do. It may be more of the dysfunctional ex thing than having kids....in any case it is emotionally depleting not finding another like-minded adult with whom to have a decent relationship. Peace.

The issue here is, why on earth did you decide to become a dad? That was your first mistake man.

Are you some kind of troll??? I think you're a troll. I think you're just saying obnoxious things for the attention that I'm currently giving you, so I'm gonna stop riiiiiiight now.

its funny because i am a single mother as well and everytime i bring it up to someone all they can say to me is forget about your husband (because we have been seperated for awhile now) and move on you are young and blah blah blah <br />
but in the end i see just what you wrote "what guy wants a single mother and what guy wants to take on that type of baggage" it does suck <br />
but like someone said im not sure in which comment but there are far more worse things that could be happening not just to you but to your daughter as well<br />
we all need to reflect and thing or the good and the possitive things and people in our life<br />
someone once said with out the hurt and saddness in life we would never be able to charish the happiness and the good things

Im a 19 yr old single mom and i had a beautiful baby boy by someone i thought id spend my life with. We got into a fist fight when i was 3 months pregnant and things went down hill from there. Not only has he thrown in my face that i was worthless but he moved on and got a girlfriend. I felt more alone than ever and slipped into a slight depression. He stay in and out of my life up until the baby was born and he tends to walk out on me we he gets upset. Now i can barely pay my rent let alone for child care because he simply thinks he has a hand over me. I barely work so i have no choice to ask for money from him. My family arent really involved in my life and all my friends are living their life and in college. Im once again all alone and i fear me and my 2 month old son will be homeless next month. My car broke down yesterday and i have no money to fix it. Things are just so hard and the stress it unbareable... Im trying to stay strong for my son but its so hard when you have to go at it alone.

wow i give you a lot of credit i have no idea where i or my daughter would be if my parents didnt let us stay with them......i seriously hope things work out for you and your son

This is a touchy subject that hits close to home. I am a 21 year old who has a 14 month old daughter, her father was my first and only relationship, he was my everything. We were together for 3 years and he stayed with me the whole time I was pregnant and when our child was only 3 weeks old he broke up with me and moved out. It hadls been a year since we've been broken up, and now he has told me that he's gay. This crushed my soul. It was already hard enough being a single mom and dealing with the fact that I don't have a family unit for my baby but it pains me the most to know that me and my daughters father will never be able to work out as a family because he's not interested in woman. I completely k ow how you feel, but I have a hard time with trusting men now, so no matter how lonely I get im not ready to put my trust in another man because of this. Although I get plenty of attention from men, but my age group is full of immature irresponsible boys who aren't ready to date a girl like me who already has a kid. So sometimes I feel SOL. I find myself resenting my daughters dad because if he knew about his sexual preference then why would he even take things to the next level with me?? And I can never get my youth or my innocence back. I thought I would be with him forever, that's why I was okay with having my daughter. But people change.

This is the exact same story as mine up until you said 'gay'. I don't know about you but I'd be so much happier hearing that my ex is gay rather than seeing him go off with another girl! I can't trust another man because I'm scared he's just going to give me his world and then change his mind 3 years down the line and leave you for another girl 6 months later. And at least you can be glad that your daughter won't have any step siblings from his dads side coz that's going to kill me if that ever happens to my son.

I'm a single mother and just became one recently. I was with my son's father for eight years; were engaged and all. I basically took my son and left because his father became very abusive. He held our son in his arms and punched a hole in the bathroom door, he started neglecting the hell out of him. I would come home and his father would be sleeping and our son would be running around the place in his soiled wet diaper. Another time I came home and his father was in the shower with the bathroom and bedroom door shut and our toddler could have unlocked and walked down two flights of stairs. He also lost all patience and did not even want to spend time with him. The thing is, when he started verbally and mentally abusing me before our child, he lost all respect for his own son which broke my heart the most. Now I hate him and what is sad is he has no conscience, hes a f****** sociopath, he turned his entire circle of friends and even his boss and coworkers against me. He's very passive aggressive and now child support won't be given because he works under the table and his boss has his back. I am struggling bad. Even though I finish my Bachelor's degree in five months, nobody wants to hire me. He said he was going to leave us, so I left before he could and also the cops did not do a damn thing. My family is even on his side because he is THAT Manipulating. I feel all alone and nobody understands me. He was soo abusive behind closed doors and so calm and charming in front of everyone else. Now I hate my life and I am a bright beautiful woman, I Just feel like I have nobody on my side because my family is so judgmental. My son is my life and I am grateful he is healthy. I Just wish more people (like my fam and friends) could be supportive and help more. I am the type to help someone and give them the sweater off my back, but when it's my time for help. Everyone turns their head and talks sh**. I just want to be happy and wish that more people were compassionate and understanding rather than judging me and blaming me and even expecting me to stay with that bastard. I need a real person to talk to, I'm losing it..

I'm a single mother and just became one recently. I was with my son's father for eight years; were engaged and all. I basically took my son and left because his father became very abusive. He held our son in his arms and punched a hole in the bathroom door, he started neglecting the hell out of him. I would come home and his father would be sleeping and our son would be running around the place in his soiled wet diaper. Another time I came home and his father was in the shower with the bathroom and bedroom door shut and our toddler could have unlocked and walked down two flights of stairs. He also lost all patience and did not even want to spend time with him. The thing is, when he started verbally and mentally abusing me before our child, he lost all respect for his own son which broke my heart the most. Now I hate him and what is sad is he has no conscience, hes a f****** sociopath, he turned his entire circle of friends and even his boss and coworkers against me. He's very passive aggressive and now child support won't be given because he works under the table and his boss has his back. I am struggling bad. Even though I finish my Bachelor's degree in five months, nobody wants to hire me. He said he was going to leave us, so I left before he could and also the cops did not do a damn thing. My family is even on his side because he is THAT Manipulating. I feel all alone and nobody understands me. He was soo abusive behind closed doors and so calm and charming in front of everyone else. Now I hate my life and I am a bright beautiful woman, I Just feel like I have nobody on my side because my family is so judgmental. My son is my life and I am grateful he is healthy. I Just wish more people (like my fam and friends) could be supportive and help more. I am the type to help someone and give them the sweater off my back, but when it's my time for help. Everyone turns their head and talks sh**. I just want to be happy and wish that more people were compassionate and understanding rather than judging me and blaming me and even expecting me to stay with that bastard. I need a real person to talk to, I'm losing it..

I'm a single mother and just became one recently. I was with my son's father for eight years; were engaged and all. I basically took my son and left because his father became very abusive. He held our son in his arms and punched a hole in the bathroom door, he started neglecting the hell out of him. I would come home and his father would be sleeping and our son would be running around the place in his soiled wet diaper. Another time I came home and his father was in the shower with the bathroom and bedroom door shut and our toddler could have unlocked and walked down two flights of stairs. He also lost all patience and did not even want to spend time with him. The thing is, when he started verbally and mentally abusing me before our child, he lost all respect for his own son which broke my heart the most. Now I hate him and what is sad is he has no conscience, hes a f****** sociopath, he turned his entire circle of friends and even his boss and coworkers against me. He's very passive aggressive and now child support won't be given because he works under the table and his boss has his back. I am struggling bad. Even though I finish my Bachelor's degree in five months, nobody wants to hire me. He said he was going to leave us, so I left before he could and also the cops did not do a damn thing. My family is even on his side because he is THAT Manipulating. I feel all alone and nobody understands me. He was soo abusive behind closed doors and so calm and charming in front of everyone else. Now I hate my life and I am a bright beautiful woman, I Just feel like I have nobody on my side because my family is so judgmental. My son is my life and I am grateful he is healthy. I Just wish more people (like my fam and friends) could be supportive and help more. I am the type to help someone and give them the sweater off my back, but when it's my time for help. Everyone turns their head and talks sh**. I just want to be happy and wish that more people were compassionate and understanding rather than judging me and blaming me and even expecting me to stay with that bastard. I need a real person to talk to, I'm losing it..

concentrate on your daughter right now. she will grow up so fast. <br />
i am the worst person when it comes to relationships. but my kids were always first and they loved me like no one ever had. it is by no means a replacement for a man's love but it is worth it. my children's love kept me going for a very long time.<br />
i raised three by myself. i still have two at home. they will be 18 in april. my oldest will be 21 in july. and this is while getting at bachelor's degree and working. their fathers were never there for them or me. child support was paid sporadically. and i very sporadically....every 2-3 years. i would get my daughter's deadbeats taxes each year. i was thrilled but i shouldn't have had to be. i should have been getting regular payments. <br />
and them being the douches that they are, i never got a break. it was tiring and depressing. <br />
but those three little sweet faces would look at me and bring me flowers and give me hugs. they were my driving force. now that they are grown, and almost grown, i am proud that i didn't give up. <br />
i know this is years after your post. i do hope that you are better than you were then.

I haven't read all of the replies you've received on this story. Don't worry about the whack-jobs trying to rain on your parade. They're just mired in their own self-hatred. You're strong enough to deflect their nonsense. I empathise with your situation. It can seem challenging to find someone else to share a meaningful relationship with. Don't give up on the good person you are, is the best advice I can give. People will see the good qualities in you, and if they choose not to be your friend or share time with you then it's their loss. You're fine just the way you are.

I know how you feel! Its hard to see the world moving forward and not being able to join them. Just focus on work and anything that used to make you happy. I wish I could help more but I have not learned how to move on also. I just try to enjoy the little I have and focus on being a good mother.

I know how you feel! Its hard to see the world moving forward and not being able to join them. Just focus on work and anything that used to make you happy. I wish I could help more but I have not learned how to move on also. I just try to enjoy the little I have and focus on being a good mother.

I am also a single mom. Seperated for 3 years and just finalized the divorce 2 weeks ago. I have 3 boys: 3,4 and 6. I'm 26 yrs old. I'm so tired of this single mom crap. My oldest son has no respect for me anymore. Blames me for his father leaving. I can't simply tell him that its because he cheated on me throughout our whole marriage. (Got married at age 18). My six yr old is acting out at school already been suspended. Its rubbing off on my 3 yr old. My four yr old is so attached to gramma that I don't exist half the time. I have spent my adult life taking care of my kids that I don't even have an education. That's my fault..yes. I did finally date one man. We started dating in 2010 and went good for 11 months. He lived with me. But one day he up and left and married some girl a week later. My kids father left me high and dry. He pays a measly $50 a month in support. Tells me he isn't ready to be their father. But on 12/15/11 he had a baby with his girlfriend. I'm exhausted. And it may sound selfish but all I want to do is what I want to do. But being a mom since age 19 I don't know myself enough to even know what I want to do. I'm sick of doing dishes sick of laundry sick of cleaning poopy butts and runny noses. I don't look forward to sporting events or parent teacher conferences. I don't want to deal with teenage crap. Dating and hating me. And everything else that comes with it.. I want to quit and never do it again. <br /><br />
I will never date again by choice. I was hurt so bad and can't live that way. And I have been told that its selfish for me to want to date when I'm a mom. And that I need to only focus on the kids not myself. These are my choices and I hate and regret the choices I made.

Iam a single mother of two .a 5 & 4 year old. I found someone. My kids come first. My friends abandoned me. My babysfather cheated like 20 times. I always forgave him. Why because i thought i could raise my kids alone. But iam. My kids havent seen there dad since 2007 and iam not complaining. I opened my legs and i got pregnant. Knowing what kind of man i had. But i stay strong. I dont have any friends. Whoever doesnt like my kids can stay away. My kids come first. I would never give them up for adoption. I love them. Your just being selfish. A guy that loves you will love you with your kids. You dont have to give away your child to get a man.

sorry i woukld be more then willing to date you and do things as a family too it is about love

Try being single mom at 49, with a 6 year old. (Okay I started late). And a real single mom just like a lot of you. My ex moved out of state - just couldn't handle it anymore. Very tough without any support here in town. My girlfrineds with kids are great but its not like having an ex who takes the kids every other weekend or on Wednesday nights...<br />
Good luck to you all. I haven't even thought about dating yet - we aren't divorced yet. But I rememebr from dating in my late 30's - it ain't easy!<br />
I also wonder about the original poster. Did it get better? Are you still there?

I was Googling about and read ur blog. It brought me to tears as I am in the exact same boat. I'm 38 My son 5. I feel like I get looks from those quaint families as if we are lepers. My single friends are almost completely gone from my life. I'm beginning to feel alone. I hadn't for awhile as I told myself. Ill marry my son per say. But its weighing down on me. Dating is a joke. Men wanna screw poor ole me or have nothing to do with me as their kids are in high-school, so I don't date at all. I just signed on to this site. Playing on cell phone now. I do hope ur post that was written in 2007 has a happy ending as I see a tunnel of darkness beginning for me.<br /><br />
Tracey

i am sorry for you and they trash you seem to find<br />
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if you would like an older male bart that has no issues with bring up a child in the guilde lines we work out ahead of time let me know<br />
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please understand i may not really be a gown up i still love toys and i do love kids as i could never have them and my wife could also not have kids but she was killed along time ago

I'm a middle aged single grandmother of two 7 years olds from one father and a 21 and 23 year old from another. My 21 year old daughter has a four year old son from an absent father. The twins father left me when the children were three years old. I have held down a responsible job and tried my best to raise my family as best I could. I have had boyfriends that I kept at a distance from my children for various reasons; safety being the primary reason but also b/c I have wanted to feel free in their company, less responsible. All my choices. I met an old flame two years ago. He was my age and didnt have any children. He claimed the fact that I had didnt detract from his feelings for me. I took a risk and invited him in to my family. He fitted in and was loved by my twins. He loved them I am sure. I was the breadwinner, he was struggling with self employment, the house was mine, he paid a 'rent', I was in control. He was confronted with my irresponsible ex's on a regular basis and it hurt and disturbed him. I can understand that. He was finding it increasingly difficult to manage the inbalance in our relationship. I set all the rules. I felt I had to. I had spent so long making up all the rules I couldnt allow him a voice. I shouldnt have expected it to be easy for him but I needed him to step up to my mark. I critised him for not being 'Man' enough. I feel slightly stupid to think that anyone could. He left me. I dont think I will find a proper relationship ever again. By the time my twins are old enough I will be drawing a pension. I feel like I have been robbed of my life. I hate being in control.

I'm a middle aged single grandmother of two 7 years olds from one father and a 21 and 23 year old from another. My 21 year old daughter has a four year old son from an absent father. The twins father left me when the children were three years old. I have held down a responsible job and tried my best to raise my family as best I could. I have had boyfriends that I kept at a distance from my children for various reasons; safety being the primary reason but also b/c I have wanted to feel free in their company, less responsible. All my choices. I met an old flame two years ago. He was my age and didnt have any children. He claimed the fact that I had didnt detract from his feelings for me. I took a risk and invited him in to my family. He fitted in and was loved by my twins. He loved them I am sure. I was the breadwinner, he was struggling with self employment, the house was mine, he paid a 'rent', I was in control. He was confronted with my irresponsible ex's on a regular basis and it hurt and disturbed him. I can understand that. He was finding it increasingly difficult to manage the inbalance in our relationship. I set all the rules. I felt I had to. I had spent so long making up all the rules I couldnt allow him a voice. I shouldnt have expected it to be easy for him but I needed him to step up to my mark. I critised him for not being 'Man' enough. I feel slightly stupid to think that anyone could. He left me. I dont think I will find a proper relationship ever again. By the time my twins are old enough I will be drawing a pension. I feel like I have been robbed of my life. I hate being in control.

I am a single mother as well and very, very lonely. You have one advantage over me because you are financially stable. I live from paycheck to paycheck, am lonely and raising a son all by myself.

being a singe mother has completely turned my life upside down. What hurt the most were the lies, deceptions and secrecy that characterised the relationship with the father of my son. we were great together and even planned marriage. i last saw him when i was 2 months pregnant and found out he was married with 4 kids when i was 4 months pregnant. despite the shock of discovering his deception i never saw him again. he would call but we never met again. he lived outt of town and would travel to my town and would never bother to call or see me. now i am stuck with a son who will be two in december. i am alone and everyone around me is either married or in a comitted relationship. becoming a mother has been a terrible, sad experience for me.i spend everyda wondering how i be came a mother and how the father of my son disappeared from my life. i spend my days wondering why i am being punished like this. i love my son but resent motherhood even more. this was not the image i had in my mind of what being a mother is like. my life is a living hell and i wonder why at the age of 27 i am unhappy, alone, abandoned and stuck with a child who will never feel the love or warmth of a complete family. sometimes i wish i had terminated the pregnancy, but everything happens for a reason and i guess my life was meant to be turbulent. the pain of going through each torturous day makes me reflect on how much i miss out on and on how unattractive i am with the scar of motherhood looming over me. if i could change the past i would but this stigma is tooo strong for me to remove. i have been tainted with a curse that keeps me forever miserable. i try to be happy and more accepting but it gets worse everyday! I dont know what to do. i have done all a mother could do for her child but i have not accepted the fact that this is my life. i dont want to be a single mother but it has happened and i cant change the past. life is just not bright nd i dont feel like i am fulfilling anything. i am educated and have a fairly reasonable job, a son and nothing else. PLEASE HELP ME!

I am a single mom. I can't say I regret it. I love my daughter, but I am very glad I am no longer married to her father. I can relate to losing friends, though. As a single mom, I feel like I don't quite fit in with anyone else except other single moms, and sometimes not even them. Married moms have husbands to go out with or watch the kids while they go out. Single women are in a completely different place in life. It's really hard to find where you fit in when you're a single mom.

the man that said why would you want to date a woman with a child as you would be third to a child is a total pig. You are the type that would use us for sex and lie. Where are your morals and where has half your mentality or brain gone? Your a loser saying that out loud on this site!!! I hope you reap what you deserve.

I understand. I was married for 11yrs and have been divorced for 4 w/ 2 kids. Men either want sex only relationships (they assume you are desperate causeyou're single with kids) or I simply have no free time (or energy) for a relationship. Also, NH is not the epicenter of stable minded, mature men!! I'd love to relocate with someone special. Someday, maybe.

I know EXACLTY HOW you feel. Except i am a single dad. I am starting to get very lonely. I would date a single mom in a heartbeat. I would love that our kids could play together. Try online dating. See if you have any luck. Don't worry things will get better. I hope the best for you and your daughter.

I am single guy at 41. Wanna hang out. No pressure, no committments....

I am a 37 yr old divorced single mother . Been hard for me as well. The guys I meet either can't deal with the fact that I have a past. All I can say is their loss and I know i have alot to offer. There is someone out there for all of us. Don't resent your child or that child will grow up resenting you. Seek counseling if you haven't already. Your child/the people around you aren't what is going to change it is you that needs to do something to find peace and happiness. Good luck to you!~

It's so irritating how people on this forum are telling the original poster to "be grateful." Thats bullshit. Sure, okay, be grateful. But gratitude won't fill the void. Some people, like myself and the original poster, already had careers established before having a baby. Of COURSE we're not going to go hungry. That doesn't make loneliness any less painful! <br />
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My heartfelt advice to the original poster is to seek out other single moms in your age group with your background. Be extremely proactive in this. There are alot of single moms out there in your situation. <br />
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My deal is tough, too. From married mothers, I'm ostracized for being single. From single girlfriends, im ostracized for having too many strings attached. And I get it. It's not as fun to go out for "girls night" with a single mom. I am pretty lonely, sometimes. But there's no way I'm going to lower the bar just because I had a child. <br />
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My daughter was unexpected - we didnt use backup the first month I was on a different birth control pill and I got pregnant that very month. The "alternative" to having her was too grim. Adoption was also out of the question. I was engaged to the father, but his issues drawing from a violent childhood were way too much. He really pushed us away, then felt abandoned when I had to leave for my daughters sake. <br />
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I will tell you that having another educated, savvy, professional single mom in your circle helps ALOT. Even just one. It takes off alot of pressure. Try to be a giving, kind friend to them, and you'll get friendship in return. <br />
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For now - I'm holding off dating until I feel completely like my old self again. I need a boyfriend, not a therapist. You're using the word hate to describe your life...not the best foundation for healthy dating.

There are guys who don't mind kids that much, and then there are guys that do. I am not an expert, but I think that for the most part, guys with some history themselves (or their own children, whether they have custody of them or not) have less hang ups about being involved with a single parent.<br />
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I don't think that it is wrong to say that younger guys (especially those who don't date a lot or haven't been in long term/committed relationships) will avoid the prospect of jumping into the middle of a 'ready made family'. Even if they like kids.<br />
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Can you blame them? They want their shot at the 'fairy tale' too..... and no guy will ever become as important as a woman's child-by-another-man in the relationship. (Not if the woman has any sense). From that perspective, I think its easier to understand why some guys don't want to put it all on the line just so they can be in '2nd place' or play 2nd fiddle to a woman who would be the most important person in their lives. It would be an asymmetric relationship. Doesn't sound very appealing to me.<br />
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I get along with kids fine, but at the moment I would prefer someone who will make me their top priority (after themselves). That doesn't happen when a kid is in the picture. The kid has to come first.

That's a load of BS. I would never date a guy as selfish as you 'I must come first' YUCK. For me children are an equal to the other important things in life INCLUDING myself. Get real!

Sometimes there are really no words to describe what we are feeling b/c this is not what we all wanted, who knew it would be this hard. Not only are we just single moms to children but recovering from whatever relationship we were in with the father of our children. The dream, the future children, the embarassment he put you thru in front of your family, the worries of your current children's future, the fact that your baby's dad get's to start all over and the list goes on. <br />
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You know what's really hard is when your tired, depressed, worn down & feeling powerless and you still have a child to raise..... that is hard and the next day it starts all over again. But there are good days and bad days, and do I regret my kids of course not, b/c I've always got hit on b/c men just wanted to sleep with me as they do with the majority of woman, in my early 20's it was hard to find a guy to really want to commit and of course NONE of them wanted kids, and here I am 28 with 2 kids 3 years old & 8 months, and I still get hit on quite a bit, but it's still is hard finding the right guy.<br />
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So honestly for me what's the difference, now in my life I have something to show. It does not bother me if they don't want to date me b/c I have kids, that does not bother me at all b/c guys are like buses there is a new one every 30 mins, I just have faith in the Lord I put it in his hands. <br />
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B/c this will overwhelm you..... thinking you will be single for the rest of your life will overwhelm you, and you can not let that happen, you just have to let it go, and when the time is right you will meet him, and at that point he won't care how many kids you got. <br />
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My mom had 3 kids when she met my stepfather and they ended up having 2 more and have been together close to 23 years, that's how I know it's possible, and we were bad kids lol, but he loved us unconditionally. You just have to take it one day at a time and get out the house, put on a little makeup and manage your expectations realistically. <br />
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It may take 6 months for him to come along or 6 mins, It may take 6 date's to meet that one, People meet there soulmate's 75% thru chance when there not looking.<br />
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Save up a little extra money hire a babysitter, go out to the gym, or go have a drink, put on a little makeup, remember you have to leave your house to meet him, or put an ad on Plentyoffish.com it is a free dating site, you will be surprised at how many men hit on you with kids. When I did all of this, guess what ladies it made me feel better, b/c even though I keep my dating life sep, I still enjoy some male company, we are all human. <br />
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I hope my story helps someone tonight. The trick is stop losing faith, faith is all we have and manage your expectations..... that finding him being 20 with no kids and 90% of the guys just wanting to sleep with you OR 30 with 2 kids is like finding a needle in a hay stack.<br />
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We just have to pray for a miracle, seriously and in the mean time don't stop living life and let it go.<br />
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~Rochelle from California

I don't mean to sound rude so if i do I apologize but I have learned that happiness cannot depend on other people, it sounds more like you need a hobby, something you enjoy doing and can do with other people like a dance class or pottery or even knitting. this may sound not so fun but I enjoy doing theses things with people and have had great conversations. It gives me that time that it sounds like you need without being in a relationship. I'm a single parent and i couldn't be happier the way I look at my life is people can add to my happiness or not but either way I'm going to be happy. So pick up a hobby and get some confidence, a watched pot never boils so quit looking.

This Story is my life in a nutshell. I am a professional woman with a little girl. It is hard at age 34 to find any friends that are not married. Men dont want a woman with kids unless he is a total deadbeat with multiple kids of his own and need someone to support him. I can not figure why we are given such a hard burden to carry. Wish we lived near one another to be able to talk.