I Hate Being a Single Mother

I totally understand. I am 37, a single father with a disabled child. Women are more interested in me when they don't know me well. Being tall decent looking, educated, & talented, with a local reputation among my acquaintances for honesty, meeting girls is not hard, when the opportunity presents itself. I meet all the said requirements; honesty, hardworking, loyal ect ... but the reality is they must want something else. I get 4 days a month where his mom takes her son for visitation. His mother is constantly evading warrants, jail, work, ... anything to be supportive.

Aaron276- you are such an idiot! Why is this woman alone to blame? Of course, this is what a man would say! Too many times, women are left with the responsibility of raising a child on their own, when the father should be taking care of the child as well! Almost always, there are two parents but the man usually ditches the responsibility! Hey- I wasn't married when I got pregnant and my sons father promised to take care of us, so much for all his broken promises! Single motherhood is hard and it's normal to sometimes resent your child! People, Please don't act righteous as if you've never wanted your freedom back! I love my son but miss my freedom! thats perfectly normal. Motherhood is tough but you need to get a handle on your life- for you and your child's sake. What's wrong with dating? If you can manage to fit the time in. But, don't be too greedy! If the man has drama with his ex, so what? Get real with your expectations! If you want too much, you'll often end up with nothing! My advice to you is to take good care if yourself, in and out. You'll be amazed at the number of men that will be attracted to you even if you have a child!

Hi my name is Bori I thought I was da only one but I see I'm not...it's ok ma its not your fault or your baby's...feel free to hit me up anytime to talk or wat ever ok ma have a good one

I would like to start off by saying that a lot of these comments are ridiculous. Why would you actively seek out a group whose views you disagree with just to make the OP feel like crap? She already feels like crap, that's why she's here!!! The whole point of EP to get support from people who share your experiences. Stop being STUPID and CHILDISH. My god. That said, I feel you 100%, OP. The only difference in our experiences is the age group we each belong to. I see that this can bring different challenges for different moms. Keep your head up. That's all I can say. Peace and love to you and your child.

When you play you pay sorry you're not a young teenager. You knew better.

Don't resent the child, only your own choices to have sex when unwed. It turns out in the end, the good old ways were right all along. Don't worry, there are guys out there who like to marry single mother because they also to be daddy to a child, but then if you wont let them get that status and role and dont want anyone else to become as important as you are to your child, well good luck. Men that accept hand-me-down women with hand-me-down kids do so because they want to assimilate them into their own family.

So.... You think the responsible thing to do would have been to put her up for adoption? Good heavens. Ah yes, creating yet another case for the state-run adoption agencies to deal with and possibly never even find a home for her, thereby letting her have a crummy life where she's never properly taken care of and never has a real parent, instead being moved from agency to agency- that's your version of the responsible thing you maybe should have done, rather than have an abortion. I'm a social worker and I've seen it plenty of times before. If you didn't have the foresight to deal with the loneliness that would inevitably come, since boys/men/males are allowed to want something new and fresh with someone it'll also be new and fresh for (which is why they don't want moms), then you should have gotten an abortion, NOT put her up for adoption. Real life is not like the movie "Juno." When are people going to start realizing that abortion is the responsible option, not adoption? Zygotes are not people; the fact that it will become a person someday, eventually, after many months of growing is meaningless.

I am surprised to hear it is so difficult to meet nice men who will accept your child. I was a single young mum at 28 with two small children, I met quite a few men and so did many friends of mine, we all remarried. Sadly, my second marriage failed also, and now I am alone again only this time, I am rearing my little grandson who is only 6, so I can really relate to what you say now. Because at my age, no one, has a small child, I don't fit in with the young mums, and my 'partner' of many years (whom I do not live with) does not want to take on that responsibility at his age. So, what is there? A child is beautiful, but cannot fulfill the emotional needs of a adult. I wish you luck, don't give up, you are at least young. All the divorced men will be out there soon, when all the second rounds come up. You are just in the inbetween age bracket. And they will all have children also, so they will not mind yours. Anyhow, don't resent your daughter, men let you down, your daughter is yours forever.

I can understand you, must be really sad being alone, I mean you left your life to being a mum. I also have to say that you are very brave and strong. I did an abortion because I was very scared to being a single mum and my ex boyfriend is a bastard, his attitude convinced me to do it. Sometimes I regret about that, but your post makes me feel better, Thanks for that. I do not know what it's gonna happen with my life I am full of hate, and not strong enough as you are. I am sure you gonna find a good man (maybe not now, but you will) You are very strong and brave. Your daughter have a super mum and that have to make you feel really happy. Apoligize my english.

As a man I say lonely single women deserve what you get

You are responsible for you lives

You wanted feminism now deal with the consequences...bunch of crybabies! :(

Hello, I am a single mother too and i was so lonely that i cried and found this blog now may be is late for the post i read to respond but please listen its worth it to have a child and even though you are lonely now but on your old age you have somebody who will take care of you and he will have kids that they will fill your joy and Christmas nights,. I know right now i cry and i think may i will have to find a good man for my baby and that's why that i got to this blog, but when i read this all posts, i said owww why do we search for been a made and a slave for some men just to keep us happy if they don't fully accept our beloved child, our blood and flesh, our mirror, our genes to continue in this world a man comes and go a child is unique, is a God gift to complete you in this life, do your best to raise this prescious gift with pride and love, some women married that they can not have a child in their marriage want be in your place and love the beauty unconditionally. God is good praise the Lord the right man will love you with your child unconditionnally.
And for the one who she said how desperate to raise her child, please go to the County you living they will help you for sometimes and give you some formation course to get a job, You see when you have a child help is everywhere a child is prescious and a future for the world so don't just give up because the father of your child is a looser do your best to raise a prince us you are a Queen. God Bless.

I'm in the very same position like you are. Except your friends and family don't seem to support you a lot. Don't let your love and affection be deranged. An own child is the most wonderful gift a woman can get in her life!
I felt totaly devastated because of being often lonely. Didn't want to be an additional burden to all my beloved ones. I addressed my issues to an online life coach (can recommend you Your24hCoach.com). Those words of a professional gave me power to stay strong and not give up. Find some time for yourself and spend it wisely. Don't force anything by dating. If those around you aren't ready to accept you with your wonderful daugther they are all not worth it! They're not good enough for you anyway so why do you care? Concentrate on you daugther and everything else will be when times is ripe for it!

I'm also a single mom at 29 .Divorced a few months ago .i know what you mean .i'm living the same story .No one really wants to be with e permanently. I never thought having a child would have a negative effect on my dating life . I LOVE my daughter but i'm very lonely most of the time

try being a "single parent" at 59. i am a widow raising my daughter's child, due to her mental illness. talk about not having any understanding friends!

This sounds so much like my life!! I can't tell you how many times I continued seeing a guy even though I knew there was no future in it, simply because I was so tired of being lonely. What really sucks is that guys quickly assume that you'll go to bed with them because you've already got a kid. Like I have no reason to wait and get to know him better before sleeping with him since I've obviously already "given it up" before. It's like you're not worth the wait or worth the chase when you're a single mom because you're used goods. It's so unfair!!

My son is 11 and I am 45. I tried everything to keep our 11 year relationship together and accepted him totally - which was a beautiful place to be. But at the end of the day he decided he wasn't happy and left. It's been a year and a half now and he's engaged to be married next year to someone who doesn't even live in the same city! Rejection has slapped me in the face with its buddy loneliness. It's true, what the other posts say, married women don't include you. I feel like a social outcast. And don't even talk to me about Groundhog Day. My day starts at 5.00am to study, work/school start at 8.30am, work through lunch so I can leave early at 4.30pm and back home at 5.00pm to cook dinner, play hand ball, help with homework, mow the lawn, vacuum the house, etc etc. The next day is exactly the same, perhaps with a different household chore. I'm an extravert and this is pure and unrelenting torture for me. Weekends are Awful and Christmas was Heinous! We went from having a house full of family around for Christmas to just my son and me. I couldn't afford many presents and felt like a failure (briefly!). Finding another relationship is flying under the radar, I want to get my boat ship shape and meet my son's needs/wants and be a good role model. Yup! This is a king hit. Yup! I was suicidal for most of last year. Yup! The bills are eating me alive (we have a budget but rates, electricity, water, food, phone, petrol have all gone up and my salary stays the same). But my son is important to me and for his sake I move forward - albeit s-l-o-w-l-y. I have been trying to encourage myself forward by enjoying simple pleasures. The smell of a daffodil was enough the other day. Cleaning my bike chain was a total highlight a few weeks ago. Sitting down and reading the paper is a treat! I'm seeing a lot of women in this same position and emphatically shake my head. What is happening? Why are good women alone and lonely?? All the very best to each of you, I wish I could help more but am struggling too much.

people always say, oh I'll adopt her-but they don't know how hard it is! I am a single mother of a 7 year old boy with anger issues. It is so hard, I would've aborted if I knew it would be like this............

SAME BOAT BUT WITH 2 KIDS IN TOW....MY HUGS GO OUT TO YOU!

pray to God to send u some friends

How old is your daughter? Me and my husband cant have kids we would love to adopt her!

Thank you Grant66! To be honest, I don't think I will use the dating service.. but I still have faith in God.. Thanks again!!

Please don't get discouraged or give up the search for your soulmate. Any male worthy of your attention should accept your child also and want to be part of your family. The Christmas Story sets example for all good women and men. Single Mom Mary and Stepfather to be Joseph - married and shared good family life. I have been a stepdad in in a marriage for ten years and in current marriage for twenty two years. If through your church, synagogue or mosque you are not meeting singles, please consider a good dating service.

Thank you for sharing your story is a very similar to mine...I have been a single mom for more than 10 yrs, never date anyone since I was separated. I never have any close friends, I didn't want to see another man during those year because, raising my son is my first priority and I am proud of my self which I have been doing on my own. I don't need a man for financial support for him or me, I am happy parenting him alone & he is ready to continue his higher education in uni.. Now I am starting to feel the loneliness.. Recently, a man showed some interest in me at work, once I told him that I am a mother of a teenager, he stepped back & withdrew... Accepting a rejection is not easy for anyone, it is okay and the same time beginning to think that I will never get another chance to share my thoughts/ feelings.

If anything, I think your daughter has done you a ton of favors. For someone like her who is truly innocent in this whole thing, has come into your life and has truly opened your eyes to show you how FAKE the people in your life really were all along. So, now your friends are gone, certain people do not want to associate with you anymore and some men run from you. As far as this guy who told you not to expect anything permanent, why give him the time of day anyway? Do not settle for less, or you will end up with the wrong guy once again. Raise your standards and wait.



YES, it will be difficult finding someone, but it is not impossible. It is just going to take time and effort. Right now, your first priority is your daughter, not all these other men.

Wow. The ignorant one is you. Assumption is the lowest firm of knowledge. You have no idea what this woman's circumstance is like. My daughter is 7 months old and her father committed suicide when I was 9 weeks pregnant, I found him in our bed with a knife in his chest. And I didn't place for adoption or abort because I'm a strong woman. And it sucks being a single mom but you know what? It makes us stronger people. It cultivates our character. Something clearly you are lacking.

I hate being a single mother, and I'm not even a mother! I'm a father. My ex-wife, stay-at-home mom turned drug addict has no part in our two sons lives. At present I don't even know where she lives, which is a blessing believe me. After raising my sons alone for the better part of a decade and constantly having to defend them from her in our corrupt and maternally-biased court system has been no fun whatsoever, and extremely expensive. The isolationism of single parenthood (when you TRULY never have a free moment) didn't use to bother me, but now I seem to find that with many single mothers there seems to be a double standard. They want me to accept their kids but they want nothing to do with mine. Hey I kinda get it though. Really I do. It may be more of the dysfunctional ex thing than having kids....in any case it is emotionally depleting not finding another like-minded adult with whom to have a decent relationship. Peace.

its funny because i am a single mother as well and everytime i bring it up to someone all they can say to me is forget about your husband (because we have been seperated for awhile now) and move on you are young and blah blah blah

but in the end i see just what you wrote "what guy wants a single mother and what guy wants to take on that type of baggage" it does suck

but like someone said im not sure in which comment but there are far more worse things that could be happening not just to you but to your daughter as well

we all need to reflect and thing or the good and the possitive things and people in our life

someone once said with out the hurt and saddness in life we would never be able to charish the happiness and the good things

Im a 19 yr old single mom and i had a beautiful baby boy by someone i thought id spend my life with. We got into a fist fight when i was 3 months pregnant and things went down hill from there. Not only has he thrown in my face that i was worthless but he moved on and got a girlfriend. I felt more alone than ever and slipped into a slight depression. He stay in and out of my life up until the baby was born and he tends to walk out on me we he gets upset. Now i can barely pay my rent let alone for child care because he simply thinks he has a hand over me. I barely work so i have no choice to ask for money from him. My family arent really involved in my life and all my friends are living their life and in college. Im once again all alone and i fear me and my 2 month old son will be homeless next month. My car broke down yesterday and i have no money to fix it. Things are just so hard and the stress it unbareable... Im trying to stay strong for my son but its so hard when you have to go at it alone.

This is a touchy subject that hits close to home. I am a 21 year old who has a 14 month old daughter, her father was my first and only relationship, he was my everything. We were together for 3 years and he stayed with me the whole time I was pregnant and when our child was only 3 weeks old he broke up with me and moved out. It hadls been a year since we've been broken up, and now he has told me that he's gay. This crushed my soul. It was already hard enough being a single mom and dealing with the fact that I don't have a family unit for my baby but it pains me the most to know that me and my daughters father will never be able to work out as a family because he's not interested in woman. I completely k ow how you feel, but I have a hard time with trusting men now, so no matter how lonely I get im not ready to put my trust in another man because of this. Although I get plenty of attention from men, but my age group is full of immature irresponsible boys who aren't ready to date a girl like me who already has a kid. So sometimes I feel SOL. I find myself resenting my daughters dad because if he knew about his sexual preference then why would he even take things to the next level with me?? And I can never get my youth or my innocence back. I thought I would be with him forever, that's why I was okay with having my daughter. But people change.

I'm a single mother and just became one recently. I was with my son's father for eight years; were engaged and all. I basically took my son and left because his father became very abusive. He held our son in his arms and punched a hole in the bathroom door, he started neglecting the hell out of him. I would come home and his father would be sleeping and our son would be running around the place in his soiled wet diaper. Another time I came home and his father was in the shower with the bathroom and bedroom door shut and our toddler could have unlocked and walked down two flights of stairs. He also lost all patience and did not even want to spend time with him. The thing is, when he started verbally and mentally abusing me before our child, he lost all respect for his own son which broke my heart the most. Now I hate him and what is sad is he has no conscience, hes a f****** sociopath, he turned his entire circle of friends and even his boss and coworkers against me. He's very passive aggressive and now child support won't be given because he works under the table and his boss has his back. I am struggling bad. Even though I finish my Bachelor's degree in five months, nobody wants to hire me. He said he was going to leave us, so I left before he could and also the cops did not do a damn thing. My family is even on his side because he is THAT Manipulating. I feel all alone and nobody understands me. He was soo abusive behind closed doors and so calm and charming in front of everyone else. Now I hate my life and I am a bright beautiful woman, I Just feel like I have nobody on my side because my family is so judgmental. My son is my life and I am grateful he is healthy. I Just wish more people (like my fam and friends) could be supportive and help more. I am the type to help someone and give them the sweater off my back, but when it's my time for help. Everyone turns their head and talks sh**. I just want to be happy and wish that more people were compassionate and understanding rather than judging me and blaming me and even expecting me to stay with that bastard. I need a real person to talk to, I'm losing it..