I Am So Sick And Tired Of Being So Lonely For So Many Years I Could Just Die!
This is a really bad week. Once again, a man I met who I thought might be something didn't work out. I rarely meet men who might be something. I have terrible luck with dating. I either meet freaks, unavailable men or men I feel no connection to. I connect to men rarely so when I feel a mutual connection it's really rare. I usually desire those men who don't want me at all. Facebook has made this worse as I made the mistake of looking up my ex who broke my heart in a very traumatic way 14 years ago and I still have fresh wounds from that. I shouldn't have even looked him up but I did only to see that he is still happily married to the woman he left me for and they have a nice house, beautiful kids etc. Meanwhile I am still single after all of these years, living in an apt. with two cats and recently laid off with no job, no purpose and no idea about my future. Worst is I am convinced someone upstairs does not want me to ever find true love and happiness with someone. I'm not picky. I date men of all shapes, sizes, job/no job, whatever. I just keep meeting men who can't commit or don't want to and I just turned 39 so now I have 50 plus year old men after me. So depressing. I wanted nothing more than to have a child of my own and my only chance of that it seems is going out and forcing someone to impregnate me because I can't even find a suitable man to sleep with. I want love. That's it. Why is it so hard? These celebrities leave one love and go straigth to another, I have friends on their second marriages already and I can't even get one. I've been single for 10 years. I haven't had sex in three. I just met a man who was great but has sexual issues and no job and dumped me because "I deserve better" and he is not ready for a relationship. The men who are ready for commitment are already married. I never thought it would be so hard. I am not ugly. I'm cute and had a good job and am fun to be with, so why can't I meet someone? My friends are married so no chance of meeting men through them. I don't go out anymore so it's either online which I have had no luck. It's like trying to win the lottery. I have met men in random places but it never works out so I am convinced I am just meant to live and die alone. Such a selfish meaningless worthless life to live for no one to have no one except yourself. I am tired of not sleeping because I feel so depressed or waking up crying. I have cried so much over men and being alone it's a joke. I am so depressed with my empty lonely life I can't stand the pain anymore. I'm almost 40 years old and alone...alone..alone..alone...My entire life it seems I've been alone....single for 10 years. Who is ever single that long? As a woman my best years are gone and I'm just getting older and less desirable so I'll be lucky if I meet someone in the nursing home. I wanted to have kids and now I'm too old because I haven't even been able to find a man. Why is it so impossible for me to meet Mr Right? I never thought I would be single for so long...no one is single and alone this long and to see my ex is still happily married living the life I had imagined him and I living together just kills me. I haven't loved successfully since then and I just keep chasing that ghost...that old feeling that I've never had since. I'm tired of living for just me. It's just me in this house all alone and I'm tired of having no companion. I'm tired of being alone I can't stand it. And now I have no job either. My life is completely pointless, worthless and meaningless. I'm going to die alone so I might as well die alone now instead of prolonging it. There is no God because no God or Universe would go out of its way to make sure I am alone no matter how hard I try to meet people, no matter how many people are in the world, no matter how many people I know have met somebody in the craziest of ways yet I can't meet anyone. Why? I have even tried to open up to date all kinds of men but it never ever ever works with anyone and I have terrible luck with men online. Why is the big guy in the sky making sure that I never have the chance to meet Mr Right, marry and have a family of my own. All I want to do is crawl into a shell and never come out. My house is a mess. I sleep all day. I don't want to even breathe anymore. As a woman I feel like had this completely healthy, fertile womb that has just gone to waste never to be used. All I wanted was to find love, marry it and have a family. That's not being picky, that's what everyone wants and I can't find it. Everyone around me is finding it, has found it, and not me. I am the only alone one in my entire circle of friends and family. Even my weird cousing who no one thought could ever meet a woman has met his true love, so when they say there is someone for everyone, it's true except they forgot about me!