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I'm Not Talking About Love At First Sight

I'm talking about a soul-mate: someone who essentially--pardon my putting it this way--completes me. A soul-mate isn't just a love at first sight thing; a soul-mate goes waaaay beyond that into the realm of similarity and difference and rocking chemistry, all at once.



I'm no expert, but from what I've read from the "experts," what we think of as a soul-mate is a very precise balance of the three things I mentioned above. Someone who is exactly like us will leave us bored and unfulfilled; someone who is completely different will drive us batty--we won't be capable of appreciating them, and they won't be capable of appreciating us; so we need someone who is similar in some ways, different in others. We need chemistry because that's the campfire to tell stories around for the many years you'll share together.



Similarities bring you together, differences mean that you'll have years of exploration to do of one another. Too much of either and you assume you know everything about them and don't explore at all (which is boring), or everything about them is so radically outside your area of interest and concern that you don't even begin exploring; who really wants to know about legal procedure anyway? (if, say, they're a lawyer). You MIGHT be interested in their battles with legal procedure if you share a similar interest, but if you find the very idea revolting, you'll probably have a hard time talking to them.



Most of us settle for one good match, typically in the chemistry area. I know I did. My first marriage had some pluses, but a LOT of minuses.



I guess what I'm saying is that I don't think a soul-mate is a mystical, magical, mythical thing. Soul-mates are out there (yes, plural), all I need to do is stay picky. It's too easy to settle for something less as we feel the years slip by, as we get lonely, as we meet people we think just *might* be good enough. Good enough isn't good enough though. Good enough results in marriage, or, even if the marriage survives, miserable marriages. And what's the point in being in a miserable marriage? If you've got kids, that's a good reason. But, otherwise, why not be patient for as long as it takes until we find someone who we feel a lot of chemistry with (and NOT because they appeal to the unhealthy side of our psyche), who we are interested in, who we appreciate, who indefinitely makes us better just by being there, and who we fulfill in the same ways? Maybe it means more loneliness, but the payoff is immense. Rather than a few years of loneliness, and 10-30 years of miserable marriage, we might face ten years of loneliness, but 30+ years of happiness in marriage.



Man, I really hope it won't take ten years to find one of my soul-mates.
liferiot liferiot 26-30, M 15 Responses Dec 4, 2006

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hmm Good food for the brain to munch on this morning, Thank you Liferiot.<br />
I do wonder though if there is one for everyone. Or we take a lifetime trying to find<br />
them we don't see them right in front of us. <br />
To me a Soul-mate is a relationship that you don't see it as a soul-mate but as a true friend, a partner, looking out in the same direction, not just at each other for growth and understanding. You can become one yet are two in so many ways. Some soul-mates grow into this as time travels with our journey of life. As we walk we find another walks the same direction and path just in a different manner that works well with our own. So we find ourselves traveling together in our journey until the paths part. Some may not until the day we pass on to the next level of life, some may only last a short time. Yet, each has left a mark in our soul.. to cherish to remember, to learn from. in some ways was a soul-mate for a time...<br />
Enjoy the Journey

I am married with four children, I love them all to bits including my wife....But my wife is not my soul mate, we both know this but we stick it out for the children I guess?<br />
<br />
I know full well that my wife desires attention from other blokes, she will not admit it but I see how she flirts with other men and puts me down in front of them, some my friends..from a mans point of view and I know they want her too. <br />
<br />
Does this bother me?....yes and no because I know she is not my soul mate, I give everything to make it so but I guess the loving man is the mug in her eyes and all she wants is a bastard of a bloke to have sex with her and then she thinks that I am security when she comes home.<br />
<br />
I have slept in the same bed with many women whilst away from my wife, some sexually but not me enjoying it, some we will just talk and chill, some it's head on serious conversation to ease our fears, loves and what we would like to do, maybe even dream talk and say "Lets do this tomorrow"!<br />
<br />
Truth is, I love my wife but probably for the wrong reasons.....but I love searching for my soul mate, I know she is out there but I really feel bad about it because of my children..am I selfish?<br />
<br />
My wife and I always seem to pretend in front of people that we are the perfect couple but it's just false and she knows it. I would gladly give me life and soul to make her happy but yet I feel conned considering she is not the love or soul of my life.<br />
<br />
I know she feels the same but she is quite happy to settle down and live like this whilst pretending she does not want somebody else.<br />
<br />
The sex thing is great I guess, we do the usual 6 or 7 positions and it lasts for well over two hours before I climax, she normally comes about 5 times if I am to believe it lol.<br />
<br />
Let me be frank " Say hello Frank", I love this girl and she loves me but we both know that we are not soul mates....what is it that you advise because all I want is that pure feeling in the stomach that wrenches when you hear her, see her, talk to her, be with her, do things with her and all the rest that sends your heart and mind into bliss,

I met my soulmate many years ago, but we were forced apart by my family and we both have families of our own. Forward 36 years later, I still feel the same as when I was young, and someday I feel we will be together again.

I know someone that has helped over 6,300 guys find thier soulmate, I recomend him highly. Call him today, he can help you. 888-431-6702

Hopefully no need to wait for 10 years to find my soulmate. I'm sure He's somewhere out there who also has the same feeling like i do, it just we haven't met yet.<br />
Great writing! Love it! by the way... have you found one yet??^^

Thank you for some really great food for thought...<br />
<br />
I actually wrote something asking about soulmates :)

I believe I've met my soulmate. The first time I saw him, I could feel that we had a special connection. You may not know they're your soulmate or love them neccessarily, but you should feel something at first sight I would imagine. That's just my opinion though.

I am not young anymore & I am realising what I don't want but I still have a way to go

I agreed with always there is a way to go, if you have good heart someone is going to notice you because what matter is your soul

Can I comment as someone who has had more than one soulmate in her life?<br />
<br />
This thing re- "never settle"....this thinking is the main reason why most people never manage to meet a soulmate...<br />
<br />
The reason?<br />
<br />
Most people do not have the ability to distinguish between what they THINK will be good for them and what is ACTUALLY good for them...<br />
<br />
Many people overlook the most perfect matches because they have these ridiculous shopping lists...and most seem to have a massively over-inflated opinion of how good, attractive, intelligent, funny, engaging etc...etc...they actually are...<br />
<br />
Oh...and lose the belief this person is going to complete you...no one else can ever fill the vacuum...a soulmate is simply a person you find easy to move through life with...<br />
<br />
Hope you're not offended by my comments....

Great advice. Never settle.. ever. I agree and I believe too many people settle these days. I sometimes wonder if there are such things as soul mates anymore, if true love really exists. I used to believe in it, but lately im beggining to question it.<br />
This is great, I enjoyed reading.. thanks!

What a refreshing, enjoyable read. And wonderful to listen to such soulful thoughts & to know people still have them!<br />
<br />
I think women particularly feel rushed into finding, if not 'the one' then someone that'll 'do'. partly to do with reaching 30yrs. Often friends are settling down & its so hard to hang on out there believing that you really will find your soulmate if your wanting a family & times pushing on.<br />
<br />
I think people are really living so much more exciting lives now days, that if your not lucky enough to find someone before you hit your 30's, then suddenly reality sets in, & it all becomes a bit of a panic.<br />
<br />
So one question I would ask.. how do you have the courage to hang on for your soul mate when you feel like your clock watching..?

Are you a writer or something? That's so well done said!! I think that a soulmate is the best present life can give to someone. And believe me it's not about love at first sight but when you first see this someone you'll feel something different even if it's not love but at least it will be attraction.<br />
I believe i'll find my soulmate, you'll find your soulmate...because we believe we deserve him/her. We believe it's possible and we believe they are out their but it's just a matter of time...not 10 years of course!! LOL<br />
Good luck on finding your soulmate and good luck for everyone wishing to find their soulmate including me!! (",)

However, when you meet your soulmate it will be love at first sight. Promise.

Couldn't be better said. I think there is someone out there for everyone. I am going to keep looking and try not to lose hope. You sound like someone who knows what a meaningful relationship is about. Cheers to that.

Great advise to those still looking!! I hope it doesn't take ya 10 yrs. to find HER either, but 'til then... keep up the positive attitude!