True Story


I am 21 years old i am at university studying engineering, due to our family circumstances i'm suffering from a huge depression, however its not as simple as it sounds like, i'm hiding my depression away from others behind a fake smile that is 24/7 on my face as not to put pressure on my parents i always try to show them that life as is is awesome but in fact it has nothing to do with  awesomeness
As a family our psychological atmosphere is not healthy at all my dad is flat broke due to business going up and down my mother had to start working at the age of 50 and i have to work as well to support the family my father is currently unemployed and was addicted to drugs my mother kept this as a secret for 18 years to ensure that i graduate high school as an A student and until now my younger brothers have no idea about my father being an addict. I always get compliments from everyone saying how wonderful my personality is how smart i am how lively hyper and happy i am however its all the opposite i feel like being a homeless orphan despite the fact that i'm living with parents. i have a father but not a dad i have a "house" but not a home. I feel I am 90 years from the inside who needs help. My dads side of the family is NOT supportive at all although they can afford they refused to help with my tuition fees however they are totally fine with paying the tuition fees for their drivers daughter. My moms side on the other hand are more than helpful and currently we are staying at their house because we cant afford a place on our own.
I can keep going on and on with my never ending story
Looking back, I see the happy me that i miss the most these days ... I WANT MYSELF, MY FAMILY & MY LIFE  BACK  
What is most annoying me is that there is no one i can talk to about my story because people can be so judgmental and naive so i googled my way here 

what keeps me motivated  is that i know i'm a great person from the inside who had drown a smile on many faces and have contributed a lot to my community and has never harmed even a fly so everyday i say to myself its ok its just a nightmare and tomorrow will be better however until now tomorrow is not happening  !!!
So here i am living day by day wanting to fast forward time to see if all this is worth it or tomorrow wont be different than today 
mytomorrow mytomorrow
2 Responses May 16, 2012

I can totally relate to this. I am bubbly and friendly, but really I am depressed. No one knows what I feel inside, because I hide it. I know what you are feeling. I have had different sets of trials from yours, but I can relate. Just remember how strong you are to keep going. I know it doesn't help, but it's true. If you need someone, you can message me.

Oft times it is the pain and suffering that makes us grow up and be strong. Is it correct to say that steel is tempered and made strong by heat and hammering? You may know more about metallurgy than I do.