Oh I Can't Think Of A Title

I had a meltdown the other day. This happens every winter at least. I've had depression at least since I was 9 or 10. I've attempted suicide more times than I can count, and have been on antidepressants for about 5 years now. They are currently not helping. My fiance and I discussed what could be done for me. We discussed hospitalization, but I have multiple disabilities and we both agreed that that would not be in any way beneficial to my getting better. I've been on Lexapro which worked for about a year, and have been on Cymbalta for at least 2  years now. The other night I became suicidal, for no particular reason I just wanted to die, and if my fiance had not been there with me, I would have done it. I have been to an LCSW, about 3 years ago, she wasn't much help, not that I blame her, she was a nice enough person and listened to me. I am very uncomfortable talking to strangers about my life, and since I am disabled, I have had to do it alot over and over again for various reasons, and I really don't feel like going through all that bullshit again with another stranger that may or may not have the answers to what will fix me. I need new medication, just give me some, is what I want to say. My primary is the one who has prescribed me my meds, and he is a great guy, I just really don't want to have to go through the whole spiel again of oh I want to die I've attempted suicide x number of times since I was 10 blah blah blah. I hate my life, I hate myself, I want to die, I need help - what are you going to do for me? That should be it. No background info needed. Anyone else have this problem? I'm sure there are people. Let me know, and if you can offer any advice I'd be very greatful.

cassiek1984 cassiek1984
26-30
Feb 16, 2010