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Broken

Hi everyone,

tI have been married forover  sixteen years.  After about 2 years of marriage I went to a Physchiatrist becasue I thought it was me.  Her advice was to leave him right away.  Well, I didn't and here I am 15 years later and so wishing I was with my true love.  My husband and I started disconnecting about 2 years after we were married.  I always thought he was selfish and self absorbed but I thought he would change.  Boy was I wrong.  We have a beautiful son that I absolutely adore and I am so thankful for him.  About 7 years ago my husband started suffering from depression but I was not really aware of it until 3 years ago.   It started to get really bad about a year ago.  He has been to Pyschiatrists, Pyschologists...  He is now on short term disability.  He is also having ECT treatments which scare the hell out of me.  He has had 5 and so far it isn't helping.  We have not been physical in 3 and a half years. 
He has never been helpful in any way and almost always tries to make my life more difficult.  It justy sucks so bad.  I am loving, caring, kind, would bend over backwards for people...  I just want to find my true love.  I want to be taken care of for a change.  Is that so wrong? 
JenG1970 JenG1970 41-45 6 Responses Apr 8, 2012

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I am married i as told the same thing 25 yrs. Ago,i didnt take to my soul what my counslor said , she said leave her! I was effected, and gtew more wiser.now im good lover good husband material, seeking new love, from atlas. Smile?!

I feel the same way. I want someone that is nice, loves me, and wants to be with me. Unfortunately, my wife likes being by herself the most.

you are right and I love every body to be clear with hisher partener

I feel for you in this difficult situation. It's truly amazing what someone will put up with for the sake of their children. It sounds like leaving will be the best thing for you to do. I know that is easier said than done. The only reason I am still married is because I have 2 wonderful children and I can't fathom what divorce would do to them. Maybe I am trying to be over protective maybe not I just don't know. You sound like the kind of person that needs a good friend that can hold you and help soothe your anxiety. The same kind of friend that I need...I truly believe my wife and I will not make it together, I am just trying to make it last as long as possible for my children.

Hello,
If it is possible i could use some advise from you as i met the most amazing man and he is married 17 years and has told me same thing like you are saying, he is there only for kids. Im just scared that i am falling for him and i dont know if we can have a future together

I wish I could give you a definitive answer. I know many people that have their wives on the (18 year plan). My only advice is if you are absolutely sure he'll be a good man and respect you and your kids and have a mature, respectful relationship with your ex for the sake of the kids, then maybe you should go for it. Unfortunately women like you are a rare find in this world! I love that it's not all about you and you are considerate enough to think of others the way you do. You sound like a wonderful woman with lots of love to share which is exactly what I'm looking for in life! Only you can know for sure in your heart whether or not he's worth the risk. I wish you luck and remember there are a few guys like me out there that are not just out for sex and would be so happy to feel the love of a good woman that respects them and has enough integrity to make him feel fortunate and humbled to enjoy your company every day.

I felt so bad for you after reading this... gosh. It is really hard playing the role of a rescuer - sounds like what you are like. I too tried to "rescue" my wife from ghosts in her closet for far too many years - now separated after becoming completely depleated emotionally. Anyway, I hope you are doing better. Feel free to reach. ~David

My ex was selfish and self centered but I stayed with him because I felt guilty after he came home from Iraq. I finally realized it was just his personality and got rid of him after 7 years. Do what makes you happy and only you know what that is.