Not Sure What To Do!I have been married for 15 years and have just realized that I'm not truly in love with my wife. A few years ago we went through a tough patch. She started seeing several people without my knowledge to put it kindly. We split for a little while and I was at a point that I was ready to move on. She decided that she couldn't leave me for good and begged me to stay. I'm such a softy that I agreed, if she would go to a counselor. Things were pretty good for a while...the counselor suggested that she needed some meds to help her deal with life, and that helped a lot.
I don't know if its age or the pain I was put through, but I have been examining my life and realized something. I don't think I have every truly been in love with her. I care about her and on some level do love her, but the thing is I don’t worship the ground she walks on. I don’t really enjoy being with her and would much rather be by myself. I feel as we are just close friends, who happen to have kids together. I was hoping that someday I would fall back in love with her, but I’m starting to think that isn’t going to happen. I don’t want to hurt her and so I keep my mouth shut and do nothing.
Here is the thing that bothers me most. Next week she goes Boston for work and I have made arrangements to go up for the weekend. I wasn’t thinking it was to be some big romantic getaway, however; she does. She asked if I had any romantic things planned. I was honest and said no. She didn’t like that and was kind of pissed. I said I would try to think of something and that didn’t really help the situation. Has anyone ever tried to be romantic, when that don’t really like the person. For the life of me I can’t bring myself to think of anything. I feel anything I do will be fake and go unappreciated. I’m not sure what to do.