What the Hey???

I can identify with Molly Shannon's character, Sally O'Malley.... "I'm 50...50 years old!"  Except that now I am 51 1/2, and things are getting WEIRD!!  What's happened to me?  Weird growths are appearing on my skin.  I've lost my ambition....And I REALLY dread going to work in the morning!!  A job I have loved for 19 years!  All I really want to do is come home at night, have a nice glass of wine and enjoy a little TV.  I am absolutely APPALLED at myself!!  I've always thought of myself as "upwardly mobile".  I have always aspired to greatness.  Am I having a "mid-life crisis"??  Do women have these things?  I DON'T enjoy it (nor does my husband!!)  When does it end??  Should I seek help?  Why do I no longer wish to bike the 72 miles from Mullan to Plummer?  Why don't I long for the occasional "roll in the hay?"  WHY DO I WEIGH 180 POUNDS???"  This mid-life woman is not me!  Must I REALLY get to know her?  I was just getting comfortable with the skin I was in! 

MountainMuddah MountainMuddah
51-55, F
1 Response Jun 26, 2007

First, I will say, this weird period of your life will at some point be over. People from birth till death go from one level to another and every time we have a period of adjustment. Often we don't like what's happening and we try to fight it as much as we can and when we get tired, we let go and start trying to function in a new paradigm. <br />
You don't like the way you are, you don't recognize yourself anymore and in your mind you wish you were the person you used to be. We don't like changes and we try to create something stable in our lives, thus setting ourselves up for a disappointment. There are things you can change, for example, you can work out more if you don't like the way you look or read more and learn more if you're bothered by your worsened memory. But unless you pay attention to what your body and your heart is telling you, you'll feel worse and worse. The job you liked 19 years obviously doesn't provide you with much joy anymore. Is it the job or the feeling you have about life that interferes with the enjoyment? Who said you must like things forever? Who said that you "should" anything anyway? Nobody's is asking anything from you but yourself and if you keep demanding something you don't have or don't want from yourself, you'll keep on moving in this perpetual cursed cycle.<br />
If you want to seek help, it's always good to talk to a therapist who should know more about human development. Maybe you'll feel relieved to find out that whatever's happening isn't so horrible after all. But I think that you should first try to calm down, observe yourself, observe your negative emotions and just like you said, get acquainted with the person who's so new to you. When it's all over, you'll look back and find out how valuable your experience it really was and how much it gave you.<br />
All that said, I'm in a familiar position like you, but I'm much younger. However, the pain and agony of all this has the equal value. You'll be OK!