I Am A Former ****.

When I was just ending my 10th grade year (15 years old) in mid-June a guy added me on a social networking site. I didn't know who he was but I accepted the request anyways because we had a few mutual friends. The next day, he started talking to me saying "sorry for the add, I just thought you were really pretty." So like the young, naive, idiot I am; I flirted back. We talked and flirted for about 2 weeks over Internet and text message. Then, one day he asked me if I wanted to have sex. I told him I wasn't ready since I was still a virgin and we've never met before but he kept asking me and harassing me, I continued to say no.

One day he stopped talking to me all together. I felt crushed, I felt bad because I didn't have sex with him. I didn't want him, I wanted the attention he gave me. (side note: I'm the oldest grandchild and great-grand child in the whole generation of my family. My brother was second born and he was diagnosed with autism so he has gotten most of the attention since I was 2 and a half) so I agreed to have sex with him. He came to my house, and he was disgusting. He was fat, ugly and just awful! But I thought 'there's no turning back now' and we proceeded to make-out. When we came to my bedroom, I started to regret my dessison. I told him I didn't want to do it, and he started getting aggressive. "Are you f***ing kidding me?" " I drove all the way over here for this s***? "Are we going to do this or what?" so we did it.
I have never felt so dirty, he left without saying a word and I never saw him or heard from him for a long time afterwards. I lost my virginity to a fat, ugly, douche bag stranger! How could I be so f***ing stupid!? I told him I was pregnant to see if I could get him back, he replied "you might as well have sex with someone else and say it's his because I sure as f***ain't raising no kid" I was crushed. I gave my virginity to this guy and he dumped me like a pile of garbage. Then I realised, I lead him on. If I didn't accept that friend request, or flirted back, or slammed his nose in the door when he started being rude to me I wouldn't be like this. That's when I realised, I'm a f***ing *****.
It was all for attention.

I started to repeat the same stupid pattern: I would have sex with a guy to get affection and I would always get dumped. I would have cam sex with someone in Italy because I wanted to feel wanted, and it didn't even matter because I am a **** that is only good for sex. After that I had sex with 8 guys in 9 months, just thinkng about it gives me chills. I hurt my ex boyfriend, my family, and myself. I have changed now and have learned to love myself more and to appreciate others around me who love me for who I am and not what I have; I have a steady relationship with a handsome, sweet, smart, witty and supportive boy from Australia who is my age and although he's on the other side of the world: I love him with all my heart.
sing64 sing64
1 Response May 17, 2012

I love you to baby, with all my heart <3, ill never let anything like this happen to you again