I Do Have Room For Improvements

Lately, I've been telling everyone how I want my life to be. Instead, of telling them how I want it to be why not just do it? I know there are days where I can do something totally wrong and it displeases my husband. I can totally avoid doing all of that. I have insecuirty but it freaks me out when we argue and I get threatened with him throwing in my face a divorcee. I hate that d word. I get jealous easily, I have low self esteem because I feel so fat. I know that's why I get jealous easily. But I know I can change all of that. All the insecurites that I have and the jealousy, I know I can do it. I can change. I've changed so much in the last 6 yrs to the point where I don't feel like I just turned 25. I just haven't changed those 2 areas and seriously if I changed everything else why not those 2 criterias? Sometimes I don't understand but I always say to myself no one isn't perfect but there's always can be a change. I see a flaw in myself everyday. It always has to be in those 2 areas also. I have a great wonderful husband, but when he's pissed, he's pissed and it hurts me so badly to see him so upset. I love him so much and all I want for him is just to be happy. I can't ask for a better husband then him.  But since I've changed all my other flaws pretty good. Those 2 are going to be the ones to concentrate on the most to be fixed. I've been doing pretty good for the last 2 days. But a wk or so won't cut it, it's going to have to be forever. I know I can do it. Whatever happened in the past I know he won't do it to me and hurt me so much like I have been in the past. I have trust in him and he's the best!!

GreenEyedBeauty GreenEyedBeauty
22-25, F
2 Responses Feb 16, 2010

No abusing besides listening to him yell for hours at a time. But it just makes me more of a mature person and I did over come a lot of other of my flaws so it's just these 2 that I'm working my hardest on. I'm not as bad as your ex wife. That sounds so horrible. I mean I catch him checking out other chicks 90% of the time I don't care unless he follows them around the store and I'll point it out right there to make sure that the chick hears. But I don't go and lecturing him around for a week and half. The only time I shall say where I'm the worst and go nuts is the wk before my period. Really I don't think it's as bad to a lot of what I hear of what other chicks do. I mean I try to improve myself and they don't. I know what my insecurities are and I'm going to overcome it. I don't give up. I won't and I refuse to have my husband to live with me having these 2 horrible flaws.

What do you mean about "when he's pissed"? I hope he does not abuse you physically or even otherwise.<br />
Besides that I have to say that I was married to a woman with the characteristics you are describing for 22 years. We are divorced now, finally! She was not really fat, but really insecure about her body. Her jealousy was so bad, I wasn't allowed to look at another woman, unless I wanted to go through her psychological abuse for half a week. Even after our relationship has ended I still have problems approaching women due to the guilty feelings. <br />
My advice to you: Find out what's at the root of you insecurity and overcome it!