Getting Outta Here!!

I suffer from bipolar and anxiety disorder. Such is life. Problem is I have not been able to leave my house alone in many years without an anxiety attack. Makes life limited, small, and lonely. My wonderful husband is so patient with me, but I unfairly let him do everything. I have begun to improve my life by taking small steps into the world. So far I have shopped 6 times at the grocery store, shopped for clothes.went to the pet shop, got my hair cut, and my nails done. HUGE strides for me. My ultimate goal is to volunteer work to get out of the house,do good in the world, and, if I'm very lucky, maybe even find a friend or two. I am blinded by sunshine right now instead of paralyzed by shadows. Can't beat that. Yesterday was the anniversary of moms death. We celebrated her life for first time instead of mourning once was. Progress.

wanderingvine wanderingvine
51-55, T
4 Responses Mar 2, 2010

Dont worry dear. I know how it feels to be with a person who has bipolar disorder. And trust me when I say that all your husband wants is for you to be happy and better. If no one listens to you, you can always write to me.. I am a great listener. I know, there are those days when you just want to vent. When you just want everyone to shut up and listen to you. I also know there are days when you want to shut yourself off to the world. It's okay. Dont be so hard on yourself. You are really doing great! And hey, I hate shopping and hanging out in malls too.. I know you lose a lot of friends because of that.. but you know what, its okay. Doesnt it feel great to be yourself, just yourself? :) <br />
If you need to talk, just write.. we are all here to support you and help you.. and we understand.. Please smile.. I know you must look beautiful when you do that!

My husband knows how I feel, but get so burdensome to him. I have no one else to talk to. My few friends have abandoned me. They like to shop and I hate to shop. I an such a hypocrite. I smile my fake smile and nod in fake pleasure. Inside I''n scared and so lonely. I need someone who understands. Just talk for a minute. Not all the tome, I don't want to be a downer. I do love life, but never what "the girls like" I like to swim , and fish take walks, and find frogs for my pond. I like to find fish for my pond and go out for lunch. I like to ride the ferry and back just to feed the pigeons. I feel strange and odd, no one likes me and I don' blame them. I hate to shop and hang out at malls, a hate to hang out in a coffee shop or go to fancy plane for lunch. I hate advice about my skin, my nails, my hate my kids, and I hate advice about my kids. I've already wracked my brain, not just with I've wracked by brain, they are are adults. I get no where and nothing but sick. and 3 days in the hospital so sick flu , too weak to due animosity to come home met with anger because no one was :holding down the fort" I'm done in and just done. thanks for the ear. I needed to "vent"

Don't feel scared to let your husband know how you feel. It's so great that you are making attempts to get better. Baby steps, remember :) Treat yourself for every tiny achievement you make and remember, whenever you feel down or depressed, share your feelings. That will almost always make things better. The world is full of nice people willing to help you! And you are doing great! *pats on the back*

So i think that is great. You mentioned volunteer work for your community. And if it's people that get to you perhaps you should volunteer at an animal rescue, walk dogs or something? I had to for several hours, it got me out of the house, and into the sun, but i could walk the dogs alone, without anyone there. It might be a good step?