I'm sick of talking about my problems. It seems like all I do is talk 24/7, but NOTHING EVER GETS BETTER.
I've suffered for 18 years and I'm so sick and tired of people saying "hang in there, it'll get better!" It doesn't get better. I'm eighteen years and I am still just as upset as I was when I was right.
I am so scared of dying, but I'm basically already dead. I don't live, I never truly have. I just exist, and wait. I wait for my life to start but it never does! No matter how hard I try and no matter how much I cry out for help, it never gets better.
I'm so fed up with being alone. Everyone constantly leave me. ALL my best friends have abandoned me like I wasn't worth more than a bag of dog crap. They do it so easily... And yet I cry years after, because I miss them. Why do they not care? Am I truly as worthless as the bullies said? Even my own mother has abandoned me. I thought I was a good kid. I'm extremely polite and helpful. I always ask her if she needs help cooking or cleaning, or if she just needs someone to talk to. My brother calls her a w**re, s**t, b***h, you name it, he's said it all. And yet... She loves him but not me. What did I do wrong?
I often randomly begin thinking of death. I wonder if anyone will notice that I'm gone. Would anyone cry? Would they miss me...? They have never appreciated me whilst I'm alive, maybe they'll finally realise my worth after I'm gone...? Or am I maybe just a waste of space after all...
iKitKat iKitKat
22-25, F
1 Response Aug 23, 2014

Your mother is overreacting to your brother being an ******* because his love is harder to earn. You never did anything wrong. If nobody appreciates you than you're around the wrong people.

What's going on in your life? Don't tell me about your problems just tell me what the heck you're doing that you take the time to complain about stupid people who you have no control over.

Quite hard to imagine I've been around the wrong people for the most part of my life, and yet I've moved around quite a bit so I've met a lot of them.

Well basically nothing, and that's the issue. I can't find a job, I can't get my plan of moving to work, and my economy sucks so I can't do much "fun stuff".
And regarding the "complaining about stupid people who I've got no control over"; our race is made to live in a pack. People need other people, and I have little to no people in my life. So obviously that's rather hurtful and the result is that I'll try to mend the broken bonds and when that fails, I'll simply "complain" about it.

There is either a problem with you or a problem with everyone else. Are you a bully? Are you hateful and vengeful? Are you sadistic or a sociopath?

I don't have a job. I don't have friends or a relationship. I don't have anything but I do have hope. I'm going to get help. I'm going to make something of my life because the loss of my mind would be a terrible thing for the world to suffer. The loss of you and your feelings and your passion would be just as big of a loss if not a bigger one. You just need hope. You just have to Try to see how much you're actually worth.

I'm neither of those things.
I've been a victim of bullying, I've tried forcing myself to hate and have vengeance (as it would hurt less), but I can't go through with it because I don't can't stand seeing people upset.

It's very difficult. My dad, who's basically the only person left in my life, lives in a different country and I only see him a couple days every 1-2 months. He's been working a lot ever since I was an infant, and it's affected me very badly.
Holding on to hope is getting very difficult. When I was younger I thought things would clear up once I was legally an adult, little did I know that the future had other plans for me.

You are a kind person and things will work out as long as you just hold on and work for it. The world is out to see you succeed, even if it doesn't seem like it. It's time to learn to overcome rather than allow things to bring you down.
Get out there and do things rather than thinking about how bad things are. You have billions of opportunities every single day and all you have to do is learn to see them.

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