I Thought He'd Be Okay

Throughout my life, I haven't had a lot of truly precious friends. There is only a small handful of people I would go to if I really need to talk, or just be near.

And now, one of my precious friends, is dying.
Two years ago, my friend was taken from Japan on an emergency helicopter.
THe doctors discovered that he had leukemia, and that it had progressed so much that he needed IMMEDIATE medical help.
A year and a half later, and suddenly he's okay.
He's never felt better.
He will be able to go home soon.
I was so excited that I thought I could probably swim to America to see him.

But then, I got an email recently.
From him.
The doctors didn't get the entire cancer out.
It was killing him.
He was scared.
He needed to talk to me, for me to make him smile and laugh.
I don't know how to make him feel better.
Knowing that this strong, always cheerful and optimistic guy was terrified to the point of emailing me despite his pride(which we used to joke is the size of the sun) , and telling me he is scared.
I responded, trying to be cheerful for him-telling him he'd be fine.

I needed to buy a new computer. The keys got so wet with tears that the thing stopped working.
I don't know what's worse-
The fact that I know how terrifying death is, and I don't want him to ever feel that...
The fact that he is past the point of recovery.
Or the fact that I lied through my teeth to him about getting better.
MockingMay MockingMay
18-21, F
Jan 9, 2013