Falling

loosing control ?  REALLY ?  Did I ever have control over anything?  Regardless of whether I did or not,  I am seemingly still in a free fall,  tail spinning faster and faster  -  and when I hit  -  its gonna be hard as hell.  I may not even survive the impact .  ****  -  this is all on me.  I could have tried harder to stay on the right track .  Admittedly............no one pushed me.........I jumped out all by myself.

I feel completely disconnected from everyone.  'talking about it might make you feel better'  -----  psssshhht, yeah right !   Not with them, judging me ......staring at me with that  'look'  on their faces.  Telling me the solution is just to think happy thoughts  --- snap out of it .  Is everyone around me ******* deluded?

I have never been this bad before but I do know that I really mean it when I say  -  everyone just let me **** up my own damn life if I want to.  I am NOT what I used to be,  I am NOT what you want me to be,  get used to it,  deal already  OR  stay the hell away from me so you  DON'T  have to watch.
hartleybroken hartleybroken
22-25, F
1 Response Jul 15, 2010

That's kind of sad, Hartley. No judging, no think happy thoughts lecture..I am sure you have heard all of them by now..I can tell you that the only one that can pull your @ss out of a free fall, is you. Been there..done that..got the tshirt and..still revisit that fall from time to time...Alienated myself from most people I know, went into a free fall..and it changed me, but it did not end me..You have to stop the fall..you can do it. *Smile*