I Need Help

I am losing my mind

I lived in the South and had a great 2008, I was a dancer living my dream, photoshoots, spreds, fashion shows and performances infront of over 10,000 people everyweek. I loved it.

I was dating my boyfriend of 6 years and we finally decided to make the move, or atleast I did. Little did I know. It was 2 weeks before I was to move to New York when I found out I was pregnant. I was so happy yet scared. My family supported me but wasnt to dependable so I went to him. He flipped out on me telling me that it wasnt right that I was destroying his life. Along with his family they pushed and pushed until I convinced myself I wasnt good enough to have his child and I aborted my baby.

Now, I am miserable working a desk job and I am now 20 pounds over weight not so glam anymore.

I have wanted to leave him so many times and just come right back to it. At night I dream that I still have my baby and in the day I cry because I dont.

He told me that it wasnt the right time and thats why i needed to give it up. But now after I did it, he says he doesnt want to marry me or have children. GREAT! just my luck I did it all for nothing and now I am dead inside.

I am losing my mind pretending I am this happy person when I am not

findr0ci findr0ci
4 Responses Feb 24, 2009

Omg I just read ur story I'm really sorry that dude is a jerk he didn't deserve u. Idk anything bout dancing professional or like desk jobs but I know a lot bout feeling unwanted n empty inside. U gotta like dig deep n make what u want happen! U cant change what already happen but u can be happy again. I know exercise makes me feel great plus u say u 20 pounds over so maybe join a fitness center n do group classes. My sisters do zumba dance classes n love it so maybe that could get u going again? U like to really dance n I know u not happy sit at a desk plus it give u focus target for your future u know?

what a selfish man destroying life, problems can be worked out but having a baby is so very loving to both of you. l am single man and all my life l have some nice girlfriend's some of them very bad. never had the chance of starting a family. enough of me. having a baby is what life is all about, creating life is what makes happy.


Thank you for your kind advice. Your kind words are exactly what I need to go forward. You are both right, and Unicorn you are especially right, the excuses that I make for his actions is what has kept me in this for so long, but Im done with making excuses and worrying about him. Thank you both very much.

Leave this selfish man, he will never care about your dreams and aspirations. givinp up this baby should have been a big red flag of how little he really cared about having a life with you. Don't wait any longer, go back in touch with yourself! Start little by little, you still have the skills, lose the weight, do what you love, and please just forget him... he is poison for your hapiness. <BR>i wish you good luck and hope you can find the strenght to take control of your life the way it was. It's never too late.