Sad To See My Mom With Dementia

My Mom is 92, yes, 92.We started seeing signs at about 85.However she is a strong willed person and would never let us help. Or said she didn't need help, her pride. She lived in her own home which was her life and worked in the yard until she fell & broke her hip in March 0f 2010. At this time she went to live w/my sister and is still there. Not only is Mom confused as to where she is, she was told that she was at home. I'm not sure I agree w/that because I was told by the home health nurse to tell her the truth. This still haunts me, that she was told she was at home. She is now very limited as to what she can do. She doesn't remember or think she needs the walker, she is constantly covering up for herself so I won't know she is forgetful. Its so sad. She has 4 daughters and has been a widow 34 years and took care of herself very well and very hard working independent woman. I am her oldest daughter and have always been the emotional one, when I was with my I always felt safe and life a child again even though I am now 61, I don't think I truly ever cut the apron strings. Since Mom broke her hip, the sisters have been in constant turmoil with each other, One because we are so devasted by Mom's condition and seeing her slip away. Also my husband has had 4 heart attacks in last 2 yrs. his first when he was 42 and a total of 5. I have been criticized for hot helping with Mom etc. The guilt my sisters have put on me and the thinks they have said to me are devasting. I am at the point that I wish I could just disappear so I would have to watch anymore bad things happening. I'm hurt to the core that my sisters would turn on me and say the things they have etc. I have to put my husband first, Mom is about 2 hrs. from me, my husbands Mom is in nursing home where we live, they don't even consider the fact that we have been dealing with that for   10 yrs. I go to counceling and take antidepressesants to help me deal but...still feel like I want to leave so I don't have to watch this life. Does anyone understand my feelings?
djasga djasga
3 Responses Dec 4, 2010

Oh my! I am crying as I'm writing this. My mom is 83 and has gone from living by herself and being a little forgetful to a nursing home in 6 months! She doesn't recognize any family members nor does she know where she's at. We found an excellent nursing home so at least she is getting good care. I'm her only daughter (I have one brother) and she and I have always been extremely close. I can hardly believe that this is happening to her. She was always independent and stubborn. Very active and did volunteer work. I have been in a state of crying and sadness and on meds and counseling too. I feel so bad most of the time. The only thing I can say is that you're not alone in this. I have no answers but to try to remember her in the good times. My prayers are with you and your whole family.

I am 62 and my mother is 89 and suffering from dementia. She bites she kicks and screams all night long. My husband has been so kind to her , he takes the early morning shift and fixes her breakfast every morning so I can get at least 4-5 hours sleep a day. She keeps me awake sometimes until 4 a.m in the morning, but most mornings I head to bed at 2-3 am. We have been doing this for over 16 years with very little assistance. Three of my friends have offered and have helped us so we can at least get out together twice a year. Our last real vacation was 1988, although we did manage to go to my class reunion, thanks to my girlfriend donating her vacation time to come care for my mother. People don't have a clue to those that really sacrafice their lives to help another... God bless all that do.... I know what u deal with and at times it's hard as hell. I have given up so much , but would do it all over again for my mother.... I love her so...

*********** was one of the greatest "insults" at my school growing up

Hi there, I too certainly feel your pain. My Mom is almost 83 and has dimentia and slight Alzheimers. However, I am the only child, her daughter and it has been very hard for me seeing my mom like this. She lived with my husband and I for a year and a half, until I just could not do it anymore. My husband was wonderful throughout the whole time she was here. On June 1st of this year, I admitted her to a special care home here in the town where we live, and I am only 5 minutes away. She used to be such an independent, smart woman, it is so hard to see her slipping away. She has no short term memory, but can remember things from when she was a child. She still knows me, but constantly repeats things. And asks me the same questions over and over.<br />
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We have always been so close. I am almost 47, and like you, feel like a child, almost lost, because she is slipping away slowly. It is so sad, to say the least. But we just have to take it one day at a time. And be grateful for all the good times we had. And don't you ever feel guilty, you are doing all that you can do.